Andy...wish there was something to say that would take all your pain away, but we know that won't happen. Take each day as a new beginning.. My thoughts are with you..
Hi Andy, I hope all is improving with respect to your D's cry for help. With you there, I'm sure it will.
Living paralell lives. I hear what you and LAN are saying. I understand as I've experienced some short periods of this myself. Don't automatically presume that your WAW's issues are about you. Really!
There is so much more to being happy than our R's with our S. Don't get me wrong. It's important. Just not enough so to ruin your life over.
Nothing will change until you choose change for yourself. No, I'm not talking about leavin. That's an option, but I'm really talkin about changing your life to revolve around those that wish to be with you and those issues you have some degree of control over. Primarily, your kids, your faith and your personal goals for yourself.
I know how it can suck when your S goes off the deep end or decides that you are not good enough. Both you guys have been here long enough to know ya gotta stop letting their choices pull you down.
Summer 2003 is brand new. What can we do that would be different this year.
Andy- I need you help! SOmeone knows this website now that could tell my nusband. I need to change my username-I tried but it would not let me. DO you know how to do that. How would I change my password without eeryone not knowing who I am? I don't need certain paole reading my posts if you know what I mean! Can you help??? Rachael
Mel, I have some Irish blood in me. Maybe it'll help me out.
Racheal and Kent,
Yes, I still do things I like to do.
Kent,
I know that my W's issues aren't all about me. Of course, I've made my share of mistakes, and they haven't helped matters, but I also know that I'm a great guy, a great H, and if W thinks she can do better, she's sorrily mistaken. But I don’t think she’s under that impression. She’s told me that she knows I’m a good H, etc.
I knew someone would say that I gotta change myself, and if anyone would insist it would be you, Kent. It’s what you’ve been telling me all along. And ultimately, you may be right. But there’s something basic in me that I have no desire to change. It’s hard to explain, but if you accept that it’s my choice to change it or not, my choice is not to change. In a sense, my choice not to change this particular je ne sais quoi makes me miserable, but I’m not being a martyr. I’m just not allowing circumstances to force me to become someone I’m not. Make sense?
I also take a slightly different look at “their choices.” My W’s sit is not of her choosing. I suppose that the way she’s dealing with things are her choice, but her choices are based on limited options. Things change. We don’t know what her options will be in the future, nor do we know what my options will be.
Leavin’ is an option, but right now it isn’t a palatable one for either of us. Maybe some day it will come to that, but if it ever does, both of us will have to think carefully about the consequences. I watched Dr. Phil yesterday. I don’t always agree with him, but sometimes, he nails it. This is what he had to say about D:
Quoting Dr. Phil's Number One Rule Concerning Divorce:People often ask Dr. Phil, "How do I know if I'm ready to get a divorce?"
The number one thing that you have to know is this: The time to get a divorce is when you can walk out the door with no anger, no resentment and no bitterness.
Now you're probably saying, "Wait a minute, isn't that why you get a divorce?" No. If you've still got anger, resentment and bitterness, you've still got unfinished business. You should be able to walk out the door saying, "I've done everything I can do to resolve this situation. I cannot do it. I accept that. I am moving on with my life." If you can't do that, you've got too much unfinished emotional business
I just love it when you speak French, you big dawg!
So, my friend, whatcha been doing for fun for yourself lately?!
Do Kent and I need to come pick you up to go fishing?!
I'm sorry to hear about what's been going on with your family lately. Been there, and done that, with my step-D, and I know how fun that it's not. My thoughts are with you on this, buddy.
JJ
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What have I been doing for myself lately? Do you mean apart from fretting over my D and my M, and starting another whiney thread?
Hmmmmmmmmmmm…
Well, I’ve been working like a dog. Long hours frustrating problems. When you factor in the other krap, I frankly haven’t had much energy for myself.
But whatever energy I’ve managed to muster has gone into my karate. As I mentioned, I’m grading for my black belt tomorrow, and it’s gonna be a gruelling 5 hours. I’m not sure if my biggest challenge is going to be the difficulties I’ve had concentrating lately, or an old hip injury that’s rearing it’s ugly head. But my concentration has been getting better this week, and they make allowances for injuries (and age), so I’m feeling pretty optimistic.
I’ve been riding my motorcycle a little, and am looking forward to doing more of that.
Last night, D#2 had a school concert (she’s a drummer). It was reassuring to see her doing something for herself and I quite enjoyed the concert.
And of course, this morning I had yet another opportunity to engage in my favourite activity; cleaning up after S#2 wet his bed.
I haven’t been fishing in an awful long time. Right now, I think it would be too quiet. Don’t need time alone to get my head racing, y’know?
Quoting Soupman: I've learned these last couple of years that happiness is what we all strive for. Our purpose on this earth is to give love and receive love. I know I'm capable of doing both.
I've also learned that happiness is a state-of-mind. I've learned I can control my mind by showing compassion and learning to cherish all others. I've learned that happiness doesn't come from external sources, but through the attainment of full enlightenment.
I'm a bit of a late bloomer to this, but I believe our purpose is to make the most of the R we have with the other people we touch throughout our lives that includes the people we don't choose to be with (like co-workers, the clerk behind the counter, etc..) and the ones we do chose to be with and how we choose to touch their lives is what brings us happiness.
Andy, while I don't much in the way of words to offer that sounds any different than thoses expressed here already, I do wish the very best for you and your family. Best of luck not only this weekend, but in getting what you want from life.
