Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,242
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,242
((hugs)) It's gonna get better hon. Promise.


Me-36
H-36
3 young children
Married-14y
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,626
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 4,626
I could feel every emotion reading your words.

How they love to live like a double life almost.

Why not just be honest. (ok that was funny, i mean really they are not gonna be, wishful thinking on my part)

I think you said the perfect thing to your son. My son is 9 too. I am as honest as possible, taking into consideration his age.

I will join you in your pity party, and wine and cheese is fab.

HUGS sweetness


Last edited by Lissie; 05/14/08 08:59 PM.

Live Simply
Love Generously
Care Deeply
Speak Kindly
Leave the rest to God
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,211
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,211
(((HUGS))) cat. I'm so sorry honey. I know how much that hurts...my kids are younger, but have had lots of the same questions, and it does hurt when we know its not our choice that it ends up the way it does, and that we busted our asses off trying to make things work.

I keep telling mine that we are team T. the 4 of us are...and we do fun things together. maybe it will get easier over time. no really knowledge on this, so just hoping I guess.

take care.

and yes, what is going on in china right now is horrific. breaks my heart and helps put things in perspective a bit. but that doesn't mean that the tragedies in our own lives are less to us...they still affect us, they still hurt us.


M-41
H-38
M-10 years, T-14 years
Bomb-PA 3/19/07
Separated-6/7/07
Piecing/h back home 5/08
S-6
S-4
D-4

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"

-Mary Anne Radmacher
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
C
cat03 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
thanks gals)))))))))) the legs and arms are moving but there is no one upstairs right now, lol, will feel better eventually, have lots planned. The lady that is in charge of the volunteer service told me her family and therapist (of the girl I volunteer with) have all good things to say, that made me feel a little better.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 722
W
Member
Offline
Member
W
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 722
Cat,
Quote:
when my voice broke and I turned away, he asked me if I was crying, I didnt' respond until I felt better, I just changed the subject. Ok, so I shouldn't teach him to repress his feelings, but I didnt' trust myself, I was afraid I was going to sob hard.

One thought from me on this. I think it is fine to cry in front of your children over a situation like this...especially a boy. Too many times the media and social circles play this FACADE about those that don't cry are more strong. This isn't spilt milk, this is a serious situation that a lot of people have to face.
You handle yourself quite well with the onslaught of emotions and finances being slung at you. Rumba, Rumba Rumba....
peace

Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
C
cat03 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 4,805
thanks for being my crying shoulder everyone))))))))))))))) I was one min. from calling him and tell him how crappy I was feeling andwhy, and it would've been the same crap "well, you need to talk to your T about it", and he would've been right, as OT puts it , it is like a victim seeking comfort from its abuser.. totally useless.

Planning our first trip without stbx, we will be going camping for 3 days, yikes, I was never a camping person but kids love it so here we go. Because of his schedule we were never able to go for a full 3 day weekend away, but now I can, so off we go, kids can't wait.

Feeling better, cried for 2min, lol, it helped.

Thanks whapu, I will keep your input in mind, I want him to feel safe to show me if he is feeling bad, not hide it.


Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,369
A
ACJ Offline
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 5,369
Cat,
I think the fact that at 9 your son doesn't understand D is a testimony to your love for him. There are way too many children of this age and younger who fully understand the implications of D and have felt the pain as a consequence


Me 43
XH 45
M 2.7.88
Divorce 7.10.09
Kids D20,S17 & D15
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,211
S
Member
Offline
Member
S
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,211
cat, I agree that its okay for kids to see you cry sometimes...that it can actually teach them empathy. they can't fix it for us, but you can tell them that sometimes mommy's get sad. and you can show them how you are able to come out of it and such. and that will help him learn that its okay to cry himself, and will help him learn to cope with his own sorrows.

and I'm sooo glad you didn't call your stbx. so glad. but oh how I know the struggle not to. that is the great thing about this place, isn't it? we can get it all out to people who understand, who really get it, and hopefully that will keep us from shooting ourselves in the foot by calling our WAS.

hope you have a good day today. and thank you again for all your advice to me. I really appreciate it...it helps keep me grounded.


M-41
H-38
M-10 years, T-14 years
Bomb-PA 3/19/07
Separated-6/7/07
Piecing/h back home 5/08
S-6
S-4
D-4

"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"

-Mary Anne Radmacher
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,114
K
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,114
Hey cat,

I agree. It is okay to cry in front of the children at times. They need to know it is okay to show emotion.

enjoy yoour trip..the moment. Forget about STBX.


You will be okay..better than okay.

(((hugs))))

Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,659
F
fig Offline
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,659
I cried in front of the hardys

not sobbing uncontrollably

but cried

because it was a sad thing
it hurt

and

they saw me cry
and
they saw me smile

they knew it was ok to do both then too

just a thought

and

i did the black hills camping with the hardys last year
it was fun but yikes

Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard