Maryangela, I have just recently started reading your posts. The more I read, the more I think this is the best thing that has ever happened to you. I am sorry, we are supposed to be here to fight for our marriages but somethings are not worth fighting for. I know you will realize somewhere down the line that you are much happier with someone who respects you. We only get one side of the story here but the side I am reading is getting uglier by the minute. You are not sure you want him back? Why don't you do a little excercise for yourself and perhaps you can share it with us if you like. On one side you can write down all the negatives, including the red flags over the years. On the other side, the positives. Then you (we) can continue the discussion. Right now, it is pretty one sided.
Positives: Very funny/sarcastic WAS very dependable, always pays bills on time, etc Great, involved, loving father Attractive smart -- like me, can talk about all sorts of issues
Negatives: has past history with prostitutes and transvestites I know he was a "player" before he met me I'm the ONLY long-term relationship he has ever had moved out of this mother's house at 27! Has OCD/ADD issues -- super, super clean, can't sit still to even watch a movie, expects YOU to be as psycho-clean as he is lied about pot dealer coming to our home for over a year catch him in "little lies" and when I would says, "I will say anything to shut you up" not great in bed -- I was never fully satisfied because he is closed to emotionally. can't go to him for ANYTHING emotionally-related. He HATES feeling talks totally abandoned me when I went through a couple of anxiety/depression phases not affectionate -- only a VERY beginning of relationship thinks people are "idiots", has an air of superiority that he is "perfect" and if people just did things like he did, the world would be better place
Yes it does for me....although I am still stuck on that thermostat...which leeds me to believe he is super cheap and I just can not match that up with loving father....especially a few days ago. I have a hunch your H is and was a little on the selfish side.....where did he put the money he saved on the heating bill......probably up in smoke. Anyway, the picture was not for me neccesarily but for you. If you were my sister, I know what i would be telling you ...... even before the bomb or OW. But since I am involved emotionally myself with a less than ideal spouse, I understand your hesitation. Just one more question, do you still have your parents and or siblings. Can they help out for a while? Good luck to you.
Don't forget controlling. Clearly the guy has control issues. When our heating bill was out of control, I had one of those systems installed that turns down the heat when you're not around. I see now that maybe a lock was better. Just kidding. Is this his only example of having to control things, or does he do that with everything?
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
