[qoe100]

"Sorry babe, dance this dance by yourself. "

I find this very interesting. Yes, I think my X expects me to respond the way I did in the past. Ain't happening, bud!!! I really no longer care what he thinks, how he feels or what he does. As long as he's a good dad to our D, he takes up very little space in my head anymore. I never thought the day would come when I didn't think of him at least once a day. YIPPEE, it's here!!! Why don't we have dancing icons???

[Committed2Him]

DB,

"No, no, you don't get to tell me, what to do... ever... again." <Spacey then professionlally hands the two bags of smiley sandwiches, curly fries and shakes to his cheating, adulterous wife> HILARIOUS!!!

That scene will now be stored in my memory bank for future rants my X will attempt to lob at me (and there will be more, especially after I tell her I am taking off in two weeks- none of her business except she will need to make arragments for after school pick up for my son and for my two Friday evenings I will not be with the kids).

I was just reading the Streams Devotional before I logged on and as always, was appreciating your friendship. What a wonderful memory for you to be riding in "paradise" and to experience God's creation at such a tranquil time of the day.

Thanks for your prayers for they will also make you a partner with us in this work of God.

Jill,

You are so right! Dancing icons are needed!!!!! From DBing, we learned about changing the dance around, attempting to get new responses rather than falling into the same patterns. I don't know why it didn't really hit me that some of our X's expect the same dynamic or response from us as when we were married. Or, they expect us to do what they want even though they lost their PRIVELEDGE to "tell us what to do."

"Yes dear" was a part of my vocabulary to attempt to have any form of peace in my house (and it didn't work anyway) buy not no
more and I really am thankful for that.

[BethM]

Good Morning C2!

Are you quoting from new Mr EXwife? COOL!!!! So she's a biatch to him as well!! So ya think this means the honeymoon is over?

Don't you be dancing with Queerie. You said that you were saving the first dance for me!

Love,
Bethie

[cat03]

ok, back from my weekend break

Of course I'd love to be part of your prayer group!!! I'm checking the links as I type, count me in.
As far as your lady friend, if this is the person for you, it will happen-- and she will be very lucky

Stbx still wants the benefits of me bending back & over to make his life easier with his "I dont' have a place to live, I have debt, you have to let xyz happen "... I used to do that, in my desperation to win back his love, to keep him happy with me (not that it ever worked). So I also have to learn the art to keep him in his place in a diplomatic way.

[Committed2Him]

Are you quoting from new Mr EXwife? COOL!!!! So she's a biatch to him as well!! So ya think this means the honeymoon is over?

LOL! Naw, anniversary is the day I get back from Hawaii, maybe then the fireworks

Bethie, dance with you first last and inbetween as long as you bring your travel pole.

[Committed2Him]

Cat,

Thanks for joining in in prayer. Prayer is SOOOOO powerful and so needed for everything but especially these trips.

"Church Friend," the one?
Only God knows but she was definitely the "right one" with whom to first "explore a relationship." I posted about it in Dec and Jan and my experience with XGF (from 20 years ago) in March was a contrasting experience that confirms this belief. In both cases I know each lady, along with me, sought to keep the Lord at the forefront of our thoughts and actions. With Church Friend, there was so much peace and comfort and the decision to not go forward left us better friends. (For a number of reasons, I discerned it was not wise to continue contact with XGF but I think about her and love her as my sister in the Lord).

God's will versus my emotions
With both ladies, I got very excited at the thought of "maybe this is the one?" My emotions got worked up, I felt like a school kid. Now, even as I go on this trip with Church Friend, I do not feel emotionally charged but look at her as a good friend whom God could draw me to and visa versa. Then again, it could be that we are always to be friends but with appropriate, respectful boundaries.

Slow and steady, pray and fast
These should be my guiding thoughts and actions when I think someone might be "the one."

[Committed2Him]

Stbx still wants the benefits of me bending back & over to make his life easier with his "I dont' have a place to live, I have debt, you have to let xyz happen "... I used to do that, in my desperation to win back his love, to keep him happy with me (not that it ever worked). So I also have to learn the art to keep him in his place in a diplomatic way.

Try the Spicy Sauce approach?

You know, I think many of us are guilty of trying to win over our X's and in the process, we fail to put up appropriate boundaries. I know I did it and it cost me plenty, including significant financial loss. Fortunately, I go to bed knowing that I made every effort to "save" the marriage with the knowledge I had at the time. There are things I would have done differently BUT God will use the decisions I made to continue to shape and mold me into what He wants me to be. That is, none of my decisions caught God by surprise and He will use those decisions to work out all things together for my good. (Romans 8:28) To me, this verse is demonstrated through the lessons I learned, the glory I give Him, my clean conscience, the faith I have had that God is absolutely good (a faith others have witnessed).

Cat, it looks like you are learning to "keep him in his place." Everyone goes through this stage in their own way and at their own pace. The wonderful peeps here are a good sounding board and they will often give just the right kick in the pants when they see us being doormats. I offer my boot any time I think you might need it

[lost-n-found]

Cat,


God's will versus my emotions
With both ladies, I got very excited at the thought of "maybe this is the one?" My emotions got worked up, I felt like a school kid. Now, even as I go on this trip with Church Friend, I do not feel emotionally charged but look at her as a good friend whom God could draw me to and visa versa. Then again, it could be that we are always to be friends but with appropriate, respectful boundaries.

Slow and steady, pray and fast
These should be my guiding thoughts and actions when I think someone might be "the one."

I know the feeling of getting way too excited in the beginning wondering if there could be something to it. I think I allow myself to wander in wonderland for the first few days.... but I guess in an attempt to real myself back in, I just shut down. I'm sure it's a protective barrier of some sort but it isn't a healthy way to react. I've got to find that balance between silly school girl with a crush and jaded divorcee with a grudge!!!

[cat03]

I do not feel emotionally charged but look at her as a good friend whom God could draw me to and visa versa.

I'm sure there are plenty of examples, but it could turn out like a friend of mine, she and her H were cubicle partners for a long time, even talked about their dates and stuff, and behold! they started going out and they are now happily married

[Committed2Him]

I've got to find that balance between silly school girl with a crush and jaded divorcee with a grudge!!!

LNF,
Yep balance is needed. Been the silly school boy, my friends just laughed at me and rightly gave me flak later. Waited a year before taking any "dating" steps so I think I've avoided the jaded divorced dude syndrome. Of course, I'm still "off balance" but I'll get it right with His guidance

Cat,
Lots of "friends first" examples, you just never know. I hypothesized early on in my journey that if I would just get very busy doing the things God has for me to do, that when I wasn't looking, the right kind of woman would pop up and I would find myself thinking, "wow, how did that happen?"

We shall see how prophetic that really is.