Tonight I had one of those moments where you say "Hey, I did real good!" It's not really much but I sure notice the changes in myself these days, it gives me hope that I really can make a new life for myself and yes, sometimes I doubt it. My D was invited to a friends this afternoon and I picked her up in the evening. When I arrived at her friends I was invited in by mom, who is divorced, and normally I would say "Oh, I really have to get going" but tonight I decided what the heck let's go for it! I think the low cut top may have had some influence on my decision I was invited to join the family (her mom and dad) for dessert, so I did. Dad then took me for a tour of their garden, a nice man btw. I was at my social best, I must say... it kind of stunned me! I said to her "D10 tells me you work for XXX" I then knew the building she actually worked in and told her how. She asked me where I worked and where I was living now etc. It was a nice visit and I think I made a good impression on people. I chatted it up about weather, local news etc., it all just kept moving along very smoothly. I didn't feel awkward at all. As I said, I'm usually the guy who says "can't stay, gotta run", so this was one of the 180's I've been pulling lately. It felt good. I also spent an hour and half sitting with this woman a few weeks ago at a sporting event our children were taking part in. I'd never really had any more than brief conversations with her previously, but when I entered the gym she waved and made a space for me beside her so I thought it would be polite to go over and sit with her. I didn't mention this on the BB cuz I really didn't think much about it, she seems like a nice lady (especially when she's wearing the low cut top!)and she did pull the old "I think I'm getting fat" line. Ya know, I just can't fathom why so many women seem to think I'm the guy to say this to???? Will I ever know how to reply to this? Well, I remained quite sociable on this occasion too. So I'm just seeing some nice changes in me, a more outgoing style of dealing with people and actually taking advantage of opportunities to interact with women. No big deal but a nice observation. Oh, and my kid had a nice afternoon too! Later DBers.
I dropped the kids this morning at their mom's and decided to take advantage of the beautiful morning so I headed down to a pond I like to visit. When I got there I noticed a young newly married couple posing for their wedding pictures, he was white and she was chinese. I watched them posing, laughing and feeling so joyful. I remembered how 17 years ago my W and I posed for similar pictures and how I thought nothing could ever tear us apart. We were forever. As I watched them I felt a deep sadness inside and tears started streaming down my cheeks. I don't spend a lot of time in sadness but sometimes at moments like these that just kind of spring out at you, I feel immense pain. I walked away and stood by the pond and let the tears come for a few minutes, then dried my eyes and carried on with my morning. This too shall pass.
Now, just to show Whatis is still in the game and did not spend his day bawling, I'll update you on my day after the tearfest. I walked into a little town to look for a Birthday present for D10. I found that the jewlery boutique D loves sells gift certificates, so shopping was done! I had a nice lunch at a patio restaurant, finished my walk through town, then bought some oysters and other ingredients for a new recipe I'm trying tonight and soon I'm off to an evening church service. So the day had some enjoyable moments, weather was beautiful. This morning when I dropped the girls off, W met us at the door and I walked in to drop off some papers and her response was "I just vacuumed, you know" oops, forgot to take the shoes off! I then thanked her for lending me a copy of her finished income tax. She paid someone to do it and I borrowed it to make sure I didn't screw up any deductions etc. I've always done our income tax but never as a separated man. I said that it helped me find a few deductions I might have missed. She says "I should be charging you then" I'm hoping that was supposed to be funny but with her who knows. It's way too much to hope for a "I'm glad it helped, no problem". She then reminded me of a task I still needed to do...so I hit the door as fast as possible! Ahh, always a pleasure to interact with the happy lady! But hey, if she wants me to hang around then she can be a little personable and if not I'll continue to find the door, no prob! Later Dbers. It's church and forgiveness time!
This surviving stuff really sucks! It's the highs and lows that just kill me. This morning I'm crying as I watch newlyweds because it reminds me of my wedding and tonight when D says mom wants to talk to me on the phone I'm moaning in my head "I don't wanna talk to her". Turns out she says "I can't remember what I wanted to tell you" and I almost replied "you were gonna say how much you missed me and you want me to come home"...but I didn't, even though it would have been damn funny, at least to me it would have been. Well, tomorrow is another day and another rollercoaster ride. Yippee!!! Trip, Oysters really are the best, aren't they! Tom, I have to be very selective about using the "laundry mobile", it's just not fair to lay that on any woman who isn't prepared for it. It could cause a lot of heartache and I don't cause heartache, I just absorb it! Just me...ha ha ha
ummm, honey, what are you doing watching newlyweds?? I'm sure it is clobbering time at some other channel, or some dude fixing something ( just teasing) Ah, the rollercoasters.... hate them too wii, hate them too. I try to minimize or to not relate when I watch romantic stuff like that. Eventually you'll be able to watch the same scene and think"yea, it was nice when I got married and looked like that...um, what should I have for dinner?"
Moving right along wii, moving right along...
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Thanks Cat, today I feel really good. The rollercoaster is on an upswing. I just got back from a Yoga class, which my body sorely needed! I had a strange experience at work today. A few months ago I began being friendly with a new employee, she worked in a different part of our organization. We seemed to hit it off and enjoyed chatting with each other. Suddenly she became quite distant and stopped interacting with me much. Now, the Coffee Buddy fiasco taught me that when a woman pulls away, leave her alone! So I did, dropped it like a hot potato. Today, I was walking down the hall and she was coming towards me, as she reached me she stepped in front of me blocking my path and said "how are you?" I stopped (as if I had a choice) and replied "fine, thank you and you?" she said she was "fine" also. So we stood there looking at each other for a few seconds and I finally said "see ya" and started to walk away. I was kind of stunned at this blocking my path and sudden interest in making contact and not sure what to do with it. She followed me down the hall and started asking "so how was your weekend, did you do anything interesting?" So I stopped and chatted with her for a while about our weekends and other things, which used up my entire break. Weird. Why out of nowhere is it time to chat up Whatis? Beats me. Then later in the day she was chasing me with a spray bottle...and we won't go into that. Tomorrow I probably won't exist again. I just don't get women, this "thingy" is a pain in the ass, Tom!
It will get easier. It just does. Of course, you can help the easier part along but some things just need time.
For instance, when I was married part of my wedding sucked and it was the example used by family and friends to learn from. It took a couple of years for me to be able to see a wedding without bawling my eyes out and feeling bad that my wedding had sucked. At least in some way it did to me as the 22 year old that I was. Anyhow, I did get over the sadness and got into the swing of actually being married and thinking, well, the wedding may have sucked but the marriage is more than that. Of course, time now has shown otherwise but that's water under the bridge. My point is somewhere in that mess, I was able to see bridal couples and feel excitement and happiness.
And men too can be just as confusing. I don't know what your coworker issues was/is but ride with it if she is flirty, relax and just have some fun.
I was invited to join the family (her mom and dad) for dessert, so I did. Dad then took me for a tour of their garden, a nice man btw. I was at my social best, I must say... it kind of stunned me! I said to her "D10 tells me you work for XXX" I then knew the building she actually worked in and told her how. She asked me where I worked and where I was living now etc. It was a nice visit and I think I made a good impression on people. I chatted it up about weather, local news etc., it all just kept moving along very smoothly. I didn't feel awkward at all. As I said, I'm usually the guy who says "can't stay, gotta run", so this was one of the 180's I've been pulling lately. It felt good. I also spent an hour and half sitting with this woman a few weeks ago at a sporting event our children were taking part in. I'd never really had any more than brief conversations with her previously, but when I entered the gym she waved and made a space for me beside her so I thought it would be polite to go over and sit with her. I didn't mention this on the BB cuz I really didn't think much about it, she seems like a nice lady (especially when she's wearing the low cut top!)and she did pull the old "I think I'm getting fat" line. Ya know, I just can't fathom why so many women seem to think I'm the guy to say this to???? Will I ever know how to reply to this? 
Well, I remained quite sociable on this occasion too. So I'm just seeing some nice changes in me, a more outgoing style of dealing with people and actually taking advantage of opportunities to interact with women. No big deal but a nice observation. Oh, and my kid had a nice afternoon too! Later DBers.