a little better -- I went to a friend's house and talked with her. it's noon now and h will be bringing home Isabella around 6pm. HOW DO YOU GET OVER THE LONELY FEELING OF THIS??? I just feel so lost and sad. I can't believe only 3 short months ago I thought I had an intact family. Right now, given the weather here, h would either be working on lawn while Isabella plays outside and I would be "sneaking book time or a small nap". We'd probably grill hamburgers later.
I just can't believe this is real. This is the end of his first week out of the house and while it was a releif in a way during the week, not having to worry about stepping into phone calls with ow, this weekend hit me hard. Does the pain ever stop? Will I ever hear the words, "I love you" in a romantic way?? I never in a million years thought I'd be here.
I totally understand, and feel that way myself sometimes. Ok, all the time. lol
For me, the pain is still there, but has definately become less...raw....And these days I feel less lonely. I still need the space away from crazy (phone calls, H's moods, etc) in order to stay afloat.
It'll get easier if he keeps taking D (love her name!) for time. You have to promise to get out more. No problem that you didn't this weekend, but in the future...you must.
mary, I am at work all day and don't have a lot of 'space' for private conversations. Tonight I'll have the girls. I have time during the weekday (mornings) where we could maybe talk sometime (H gone, and girls in school). Let me know. I have an email address, but don't know if I am allowed to post?!
well guys, I blew it again. h brought d5 home at 4:30, he wasn't supposed to bring her back until 7pm. He just walks in the house like nothing and proceeds (again) to do his laundry and clean (the house was already clean!!). I can't stand the arrogance this man has! I blew up. I told him he can't just come and go as he pleases and treat this house as his home as HE CHOSE TO LEAVE!! He said as long as he's paying the mortgage he can do whatever he wants.
I just blew it. I threatened, said stupid things and totally lost my cool. I then got in my car and went to a friend's house to cool off. HE'S STILL HERE!!! Why does he do this??? If he's so "happy" with his new life wouldn't you think he would be anxious to get back to it?? wtf?? It's so uncomfortable when he's here. I understand that he wants to give d a bath and I appreciate this, but it's excrutiating enough going through this (I cried all day alone) and just seeing him makes it worse.
I really need help in terms of db'ing. I keep thinking of what nikb said that every time I backslide it erases 100 db actions I've done. I know that it true. Why can't I get a hold of myself. It's just that I'm hurting on a level I have never known and I HATE
