this is maryangela Third thread -- he's gone

[spark]

guys, I think you'll be proud of me (nikb!). H came to get d for the weekend. I was upbeat, no cryng (didn't even feel like crying), packed her back and put it in h's car. it's wierd, he spent over an hour here CLEANING (the house was clean, but he is a super neat-freak) and I asked why he was doing that and he said,"i hate the way you keep this house". I said nothing, washed off my back and continued to get d ready to leave.

I said, thank you for coming to get her, you're a great dad, and that was it!!!

Now, it's 1AM, I can't sleep and I don't know why it's hitting me now. I"m not crying but I dread the weekend alone.

[spark]

bump

[spark]

so I"m off to lawyer's office now. just giving him his retainer and asking questions. h has been very "quiet" this week with me and I feel a shift (like the new arrangements are a big pain in the ass as my lawyer predicted they would be for him). Every time he comes here, he cleans, does his laundry, like he lives here. like he didn't make the decision to leave. I say nothing, just let him go about his business. I mean last night, (I couldn't WAIT for him to go) he was to pick up d and stayed for over an hour "cleaning". wtf??? He's a neat-freak by nature, but what does he care about the way the house looks now? AND, by the way, it WAS clean. Just not to his standards.

It's so f'ing wierd. I need advice. there is paper that can be drawn up here in ny state that states that d5 is to have ZERO contact with OW (he's having affair). Should I have lawyer put that it the works, or is that a db, no-no? She's only 5 years old and is having trouble with all of this as it is. The thought of her being around my child is unacceptable to me and highly innapropriate. I nicely brought this up to h when he was here on Thursday and he agreed that they would spend the weekend just h and d and that OW wouldn't be around, but he has lied and lied and lied up to this point, how can I believe him? He really seemed sincere and seemed to get that it WAS/IS highly innapropriate, esp. since we haven't even filed anything yet.

What do you guys think?

[spark]

bump

[Trip]

well, if you don't want any contact then you may have to enforce something. The child comes first so you do what you think is best for your child.

[spark]

first "official weekend" he has her. I feel so lonely. I know I should have made plans. I just want to nap. (just got up from one_. I feel so sad we aren't a family today. this is the total kind of day (not that long ago!) where we would get in the car and go find a great yard sale and just drive to a new town or whatever.

So f'ing sad he wants to throw that away. WHY didn't he tell, really tell me he was this unhappy BEFORE the A???"? My therapist told me the A gives them the courage to leave. I really believe that in our situation. It's just so unbelievable to me. there were def. issues, I had anxiety/panic attacks last fall and I know it scared him, but he said NOTHING and wasn't there at all for me throughout the whole ordeal. couldn't deal with it. I begged him to go to my dr. with me so my doc could explain anxiety and panic issues with him and he didn't want to go. H has now admitted, NOW, that last fall really sent him over the edge. Also, the sex thing, I could go on and on. I know I am just rambling but I'm just so amazed that my life got to this point and that he is so in this "thing" with this other person. And right now he is really acting like it will have no affect on our daughter. "She'll be fine" are his exact words. nice.

[spark]

I feel so lonely today. I know I have to GAL, but I just want my family back. this is the kind of day we would do things together and it's so hard. why can't h "remember" just a few short months ago we were a family? It's these times that I feel hopeless. But I've been db'ing, no calling (He's called me, in fact to let me know how Isabellla was doing this weekend), very light and pleasant talk.

I just miss him, I guess. the stupid little things. when the f does this go away?

I'm an atrractive girl and have never had a problem attracting men in my life. there is a guy right now who wants to date me but I just CANNOT. I'm SO not in that place. I know a part of me might get an ego boost or it might help with the loneliness for a minute, but I'm so not feeling it right now. I miss my h. I miss our family. I know, I sound pathetic today and very NOT PMA

[Trip]

You are not pathetic. You are normal but you do need to find something to do when you feel this way. Go for a walk. Go for a coffee. Call up some friends.

[Ready2Change]

MA,

This is my first weekend without kids also (W took them to her sisters wedding).

I have been keeping busy cleaning out my clutter in the house. I went for a nice bike ride. I went out to dinner. I talked to my dad. I talked to my mom.

I told W to have kids call me and say goodnight. Still haven't herd from them tonight....

Stay strong and keep busy!

[cw68]

MA, your feelings are all natural. Let them wash over you, feel them and then use them for strength.

Regarding your girl and the OW, I don't care what DBing has to say about this, but I think you need to put your daughter before anything else. Get something in writing about her staying away from OW. Nothing good can come of it at this point. Be open to change that, but now is not the time for her to be introduced to your daughter.