Mike, thanks for stoppin by!! I thought about leaving a message on his truck...but Jodi(db coach) thought i should wait for him to communicate with me, says he has control issues. I was controlling thru the M, so he is trying to be controlling now. She said by me doing the work, he just sits back in the easy chair and relaxes and says "yep, she still wants me!!" and he really doesn't have to do anything, and can decide, when and where and at what speed this all goes. It makes sense. I'm hoping to take a break while at work, and take a walk around campus and he will "accidently" (of course) see me!!! and hopefully things will go from there!
As for yard work, I am having a border company come tomorrow(weds) and shoot me an estimate to put in some brick border/edging, so I can do some landscaping. I'm sure I'm refered to in the neighborhood as the redneck neighbor!!! Last years priorities where: the inside of the house, painting, new floors etc, and a new fence for the pooches....now this year I can focus on some outside stuff!! I'm hoping to get the border done and get a few new bushes and plants then mulch everything. I planted grass all over...hopefully it will all be taking shape soon!!
I guess we can take the work out in trade, I will come help do the yard work, in return you get to massage my back!! After the day I had at work I am ready for one!! I'm just tired of working with a bunch of backstabbers. The people, mainly a few specific, would rather tell everyone how crappy you are at your job, (which I know I am not, had a long talk with my boss, and I am in her good graces)then tell you to your face. I am the type of person, if I have done something to upset somebody, just tell me, I am an adult, I can handle it. Do not tell people a bunch of crap behind my back. It is petty!! And it always has a way of coming out in the end. Oh the drama...I told one of my friends, my home life is already an episode of Jerry Springer, I guess work can be the sequel!! After today, I was ready to clean house, call the H, and say I'm ready for your answer, are we married or talking to atty's...thank goodness I got home and had some positive feedback here, and one of my goodfriends who gets what I am trying to do, and the whole DB approach called me. She calmed me down. I am refocused!! Work is left at work! Thank goodness I have tomorrow off! Or a massive case of explosive diarrhea with projectile vomitting would have been coming on
Girls night was good, didn't run into the H. Had a great time regardless!
take care, hugs Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
[quote=christarn]Mike, thanks for stoppin by!! I thought about leaving a message on his truck...but Jodi(db coach) thought i should wait for him to communicate with me, says he has control issues. I was controlling thru the M, so he is trying to be controlling now. She said by me doing the work, he just sits back in the easy chair and relaxes and says "yep, she still wants me!!" and he really doesn't have to do anything, and can decide, when and where and at what speed this all goes. It makes sense. I'm hoping to take a break while at work, and take a walk around campus and he will "accidently" (of course) see me!!! and hopefully things will go from there!"
Christa, I find what you said in this post to be so true. Our spouoses know that they have us and have no need to work on anything in their mind to help the R. We have to let them go and not put any pressure on them for them to come around. This is the same mind set that I am now sticking with.
If you think about it, many of us are on this board because we thought our M's were secure and we had no need to work on it because we never thought we would be in this situation. I for one did not put near as much effort in my M as I thought I had my W and she would never leave. It goes to say, we always want what we can't have.
Keep up with what you are doing, by chance, how long did your coach say you needed to go without making any contact?
Sad but true what you said, regarding wanting what we can't have. I have really thought the past few days about this from a different angle. I have read around here that WAW's and LBS's switch roles. That being said, If my H is feeling how I did, he will want nothing more than for me to leave him the hell alone. Hopefully, given a little time on his own, he will as I did, wake up, and think "what on earth am I doing?" It's one of those watch and wait type things.
My coach made a brief mention of give it at least two-three more weeks. Which would make it a total of 5 weeks. If I still have not heard from him at that point, I may even go a little farhter. My family is having a reunion in my hometown, who knows, I may run into him while I'm down there. That is May 10th. If after that, I still haven't heard nothing, I will probably set up another coaching session, and see where we need to go. I have been at this for a year now, the first year was tough, and I did things my way, listened half a%s to people, and the coaches; however, now I get it. I get the meaning of all of this stuff. I have found peace and happiness inside of me. Me just being me is a great feeling, not having to be somone who I am not, and I have let go of a lot of anger I held within. I would like to have an opprotunity for my H, to get to know this newer updated Christa 08 *for windows or mac*(LOL)!!! however, in the end only one person knows if that is truly going to happen. I am putting my R/M in His hands now.
Take care, Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Thanks JS, it's nice of you to be so encouraging! Thanks for that! Some days it is hard to remain optimistic, but at the end of each day, God gives me courage to fight another day. Thanks again for checkn on me christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Absolutely Christa. I would love to see you succeed in restoring your marriage. I know I seem negative to some regarding my situation but it is actually easier for me to be hopefully about other's relationships. I am so encouraged to see you and HIC working so hard to restore your M's. Maybe because deep down, that is my dream about mine. I just feel that my sitch is different in so many ways. I totally understand a woman leaving a man, we are knuckleheads..... I get it.. LOL. But when it happens to the kids too, I really have become hopeless.
I really hope that folks who have read my posts understand that I am not trying to be discouraging to the WAW's that are now trying to save their M's. On the contrary, you all are inspiring to me beyond imagine. My hats off to you ladies!
THanks, JS...nice words! Now, if I could just get my "knucklehead" on board, that would be beautiful! I don't know what is going on with him. We've surpassed the 3 week mark, and no contact. I still look at the bright side of this. Actions speak louder than words, if he truly wanted a D, he has a lawyer on retainer; he could resume legal proceedings at any time. I think he just doesn't know what to do, we shall see, only time will tell!
take care Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Hi Christa, just checking in to see how you are. Hope things are going well for you.
I have a question for you if you don't mind answering, why did you leave in the first place? Was there OM involved, had you just had enough of your H that you were done, I'm just curios to this, I don't know where to find any old threads you may have. You don't have to answer if you don't want to, I'm just trying to get a feel for why other WAW's wanted out at the time they left. Thanks.
Ping~ I left for many different reasons. My H and I really just stopped communicating first and foremost. He had accused me in early 06 of having an A, and i assure I was not, my H was a huge party boy, put a lot of friends before our R/M, which hurt a ton. Example, I would have dinner fixed for us, and he would come home and say, I am going to so and so's to work on the 4 wheelers and drink beer, be home later...that got old real quick!! We also struggled over finances, time and time again, I had inherited some money when my parents past away, which he was always hostile about, finally in Oct 06, I found out that he had gotten a ride to another party with an ex, and then found several texts and phone calls between the two of them...that kind of put the icing on the cake...I left in Jan 07.
Long story short...I left out of pure frustration. Neither of us were having affairs, neither of us were abusive, it's kind of like Michelle's said in the books, we stopped spending time together, communication break down, things that could really be fixed...if/ when he's ready! I truly feel I have learned soooo much not only about myself during this"break" from each other, but about where I went wrong in the R/M. So, now it's just a waiting game! That's the sucky part
Any other questions, just ask....I don't mind at all, if can help somebody else out, I am all for it!!
Hope it helps!! How are things your way??? I hope well, last time I checked your thread, you were doing awesome!! good for you:)
take care, Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
Thanks Christa, I am doing much better, I am learning how to detach and not worry about every little thing that has been eating at me the last 4.5 months. I find myself in a much better state of mind.
Thanks for posting above, I really appreciate it.
Have you had any contact from H yet?
I talked to a coworker today that went through this years ago, he said after he detached and stopped calling and trying to get his W back that she started calling him and wanting to work out R after about 3 months. He did all of the begging and pleading at first then stopped after about a month, that is when she decided to come around. The only time they had contact in this time was when he called to speak to the kids or when he would go to her house and pick them up or drop them off.
