I still choose to believe that this phenomenon was an emotional shift in my former spouse. It's too depressing to look back on twenty years and somehow believe that all those moments were lies. Something happened inside her and suddenly what once mattered, stopped mattering. What was once important, was suddenly unimportant.
In the surgical world, one of the most difficult things you can do is 'bump' another surgeon. Bumping a case means that you have a patient that develops a surgical emergency and that you must move your patient ahead of a regularly scheduled case. Bumping another surgeon's case typically occurs when a patient arrives in the ER with a true emergency ( a perforated colon, eg). Bumping another surgeon:
may disrupt his day and/or cause him to be late to office hours
delay the operating room schedule
annoy the anesthesiologists who like to go home early
What's the point? I had to bump another surgeon once....a long time ago. He became so angry (think about it...because I HAD A CRITICALLY ILL PATIENT), that at one point, he raised his fists to me and blamed me for this as if I did it to make it to a Broadway show on time (not).
Today, that same surgeon and I talk, we assist each other...we are friends.
It's an amazing thing how some of our spouse's cannot forgive. They turn their hearts away from us. As mentioned above, the things that are good in us....the good memories...like a computer...are 'minimized' and they begin to allow negative 'popup' windows to dominate them. For many, they turn against us as if we were the enemy and embark on a vindictive punishing journey.....punishing US for their unhappiness.
As bworl said, I cannot believe that our entire marriage was bad...'a lie'....etc. I CAN believe that I brought home a disk with a virus....set to erase our marital harddrive........
M4F
PS...FIB's STBXW continues with intimidation. He was watching TV last night with both kids since he hadn't seen them all day. His W literally 'plopped' down on the couch and 'roped off' D4 and began talking to them while they were watching a movie. She went out with D4 later and FIB put S7 to sleep then crashed in the MBR. When he awoke, his STBXW had, again, gotten into her side of the bed and was not wearing PJ bottoms. Anger internalized. No more in the MBR.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Fig...thank you. I am doing pretty well today, considering. People won't recall but last year, my W bought me an Armani Exchange shirt, grabbed me, held me, cried...and when I asked why...she said the fear that 'there wouldn't be one next year'.
I guess she knew better.
I knew that this would not be easy, but, never did I think that my W would be THIS nasty. Never would I have believed that she would call the police on me and file a false report.
Such is life. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
FIB sorry that it has all come down to her waging a war against you beacause of the choices she has made, as to it being mental or MLC really doesn't matter at this time.
To file a false resport on you is down right evil, I hate when I read post like yours where they use the police as a revenge tool. I do hope that you can get it straighted out with the cops.
I do urge you to be cautious and to double check your computer if you are logging on to this site at home, please check for a keylogger program also.
Call me a crazy but please be careful, and on gaurd with her, I'm a cynic but I read too many times how the male bs is kicked out of the house or escorted out by the police because of the ws wickeness and false lies.
Fig...thank you. I am doing pretty well I knew that this would not be easy, but, never did I think that my W would be THIS nasty.
In part because your kids are still young...................I've seen and heard things out of my girls that I never thought I would, because I would let them have their way.
You still seem to have a hard time accepting that this is not your W....................my W said and did things during her MLC that I never thought she would - and there are things she DOES NOT remember during that time. But having thrown D22 out at 18 for breaking rules and some of the nasty stuff that spewed forth from her mouth - I was probably better prepared then most (3 PMS's at once made me wish for a Man cave)...............but it was still rough.
You know - I forgot what day I got married to exW on......................I know it was in Dec..............but that was a long time ago.............
This has been a turning point to a better M. In 25 years will either of us will remember much about this time? Because in 50 years neither of us will remember much of anything.
