so this will be h's first weekend with d. I'm looking forward to the break but dreading seeing him tonight and then on sunday. this sucks so much. I know he's in affair fog, that i know and that is what is helping me keep sane and not hate his guts.
I really need to db and act bubbly and contect,but it's so hard. I will try.
I don't know how to text!! I swear to god!! anyway, tonight, I just plan on having her little bag packed, giving her a big hug and kiss (all the while looking fab), and telling him that I appreciate the fact that he drove here to get her (hour each way).
And then I'll tell them to have a fantastic weekend. That's it.
anything else I should say?
by the way, I DEF. feel a shift this week as my lawyer predicted. This is the first week that he has been out of the house and he calls every day like 6 times "just to see how things are going", accidentially he saw the retainer letter from my lawyer (I had it with the mail and didn't mean for him to see it -- I SWEAR!) and then he started smoking (he never smokes during the day -- ever!) he smoked all day yesterday!!
I don't know, this morning when we spoke briefly and yesterday, I could def. feel something diff. == like he's scared of the real ramifications of all of this. I'm NOT reading into this as if he wants to come home an love me forever,but it's just interesting that when I let unfold, what is to unfold, how he reacts.
Do a 180: let H pursue.... Do a 180: When H calls, let him leave a voice mail. You can listen to it and have more time to think about an appropriate response.
Do a 180 and learn to text. It is really easy. Do a 180 and text him your respose.
Do a 180: Text him and ask for D to call you when you want to talk to her.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
not db'ing -- "don't you know that we have built a life here? what about your daughter?" that kind of jazz.
db'ing -- either saying nothing or just agreeing him and letting it go. looking great, being kind to him when I speak, etc.
Thanks Mary - that helps clarify.
I just wanted to mention that in my experience, if you're alternating back and forth, while YOU may think you're doing well on the "DB'ing" part, you may as well be begging, pleading, pursuing, and NOT "DB'ing" as far as your H is concerned. Every "not DB" comment couteracts dozens if not hundreds of successful "DBing" times. I hope that makes sense.
I explained it on another thread as basically a chase. Picture you and your H standing on a road. Every non-DB comment sends him either walking or running further away. Right now, your positive DB'ing times are getting him to either slow down, or stop moving away from you. Eventually hopefully he'll head back towards you, but not right now. Right now your goal is to act in a way that slows or stops the running.
Using this analogy I hope it's easier to see WHY those non-DB comments are so destructive. Every single time, it will make him move further away. If you chase him too far, he won't even be able to see those positives anymore, not to mention there will be that much further to go to move back to you.
I will be out of town the next few days and not sure if I'll have internet access but I'll be thinking of you. Stay strong!
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
