this is maryangela Third thread -- he's gone

[LL44]

It's actually a relief not having him here in a way because I don't have to deal with him sneaking off to make phone calls to ow, etc.

I love love love the peace from all of H's crazy stuff. You will grow to cherish it. Don't sweat the backslides. Your H also needs to see you in pain. But now is the time to shine. You are doing great.

[Gone Dancin']

mary,

Every time you argue and/or fight with your H, you are reinforcing for him (in his mind) why he is leaving you and that he will be happier without you. He is associating you with negatives because of these negative situations you are allowing to take place when you fight with him.

Remember that your H should not have any control over YOUR actions and reactions -- only his own. Every time you allow HIS actions and/or reactions to dictate your behaviors, you are losing the battle -- both the battle to save your M, and the battle to grow from this experience into a better person.

GD

[Ready2Change]

mary,

Every time you argue and/or fight with your H, you are reinforcing for him (in his mind) why he is leaving you and that he will be happier without you. He is associating you with negatives because of these negative situations you are allowing to take place when you fight with him.

Remember that your H should not have any control over YOUR actions and reactions -- only his own. Every time you allow HIS actions and/or reactions to dictate your behaviors, you are losing the battle -- both the battle to save your M, and the battle to grow from this experience into a better person.

GD

Embed these into your head and use them when H starts R talk:

"I understand you feel that way"
"I am sorry you feel that way"

[spark]

omg, that was EXACTLY what I needed to hear this morning. We have a joint teacher/parent conference today and I KNOW he is going to bring up lawyer stuff, etc.

thanks you guys.

[spark]

guys, our parent/teacher meeting is at 3:30. h calls and tells me he is on his way over (It's not even 10AM!!). We are very newly separated (as of monday). WHY does he have to come over to f'ing early? I asked him nicely and he said, "to clean".

I felt good yesterday. no contact with h. right now I am finding it's the best way for me unless it's daughter related. I can't deal with him "hanging around" the house until this meeting.

I will db, I will db, I will db...

[LL44]

Wow, you are where I was in February. And now actually. lol When H is here, it feels...crowded...claustrophobic almost. You will be fine. I would like to add another quote that I use when H lists all my faults... "I can see how you would see it that way....that must have been hard to feel like that." Amazing, how there is really no room for our troubles, our complaints...But if there is reconciliation, I suppose that is the time to tackle everything.

You will do great!!! NO R TALK!!!!

[DiDi]

You can do this!

Get off the computer and make sure the kitchen and D's room are clean. Put on something cute/but like you are tackling cleaning/redecorating the house... hair up/in scarf? Mascara and lip gloss... you know.

Start redecorating your bedroom to make it into a sanctuary/hideaway girlie place for you. "Help" him by boxing up/piling neatly, some of his stuff to make room for your new arrangement. Be BUSY when he gets there.

No crying.
You will db, you will db, you will db........

[spark]

this sounds so awful, but I was married before and we didn't have children. I was SO in love with him (I actually never felt for current h the way I felt for former h), and when he left me I thought I would DIE!! But we didn't have kids, so when it ended --i LITERALLY never saw him again. it was actually easier that way!!

But with current h, we have Isabella (5) and I CANNOT imagine how this will go! How do you get over someone when you HAVE to be in their lives for eternity???? I just got dressed, by the way, and look fanf'ingtastic. I really do (the db diet works great, right)? the house is clean, but not psyhco-clean. Besides, I work from home and actually have work to do. He has taken all his stuff already so Idon't have to deal with that. I just don't understand the POINT in coming over so early!

If he wants to spend time with Isabella, than, wonderful, but she won't be out of school then!

Also, I have to bring up the subject about this weekend. This is our first weekend that she will be with him "away". I had offered to drive her to his office (he's staying an hour away from home, near his office), but then I got to thinking, why should I have to do that? the reason I brought it up was he was making comments about how he doesn't want to drive all the way back here to get her on Friday nights. Then that would mean I only have ONE night to myself and he has SIX!! it's not that I don't love my duaghter but I need 2 nights to myself if I have her all week alone. AND I'm not comfortable with ow in the picture at all. he's not living with her, but I know she lives in the area. what should I do?

[cw68]

You don't offer to drive her. Nicely have him deal with his decisions. Take some kind of a class Friday nights that keeps you from being tempted to do it. I take a yoga class every Friday night that my H has the kids so I'm not tempted to take him up on his often offer of dinner as a family. It ends up with the whole family dynamic, which in many ways I like, but me doing half the work. We eat together often during the week and I'm fine with that, but like to make him stew in his situation. He says the house is empty without me, that it's harder to be with the kids and without me than he thought it would be. Make your H realize some of his realities in the situation.

[Ready2Change]

guys, our parent/teacher meeting is at 3:30. h calls and tells me he is on his way over (It's not even 10AM!!). We are very newly separated (as of monday). WHY does he have to come over to f'ing early? I asked him nicely and he said, "to clean".

Maybe 180 and get out of house? Go Dark.
Maybe you have an important appointment (go for a drive or go to a coffee shop)?