this is maryangela Third thread -- he's gone

[spark]

well, Ihad a big db backslide yesterday. h and I had heated email exchanges with threats and him telling me that "I've never been happier", you get the drift.

Why Oh Why did I go there??? I'm trying to db for myself and it's easier that he's not here, but there will always be contact because of d and I can't believe he is doing this to our family and I'm still so angry and hurt. If you would have told me 3 months ago that he was even capable of doing this, I wouldn't have believed you.

also, child protective services was called because of D5's behaviorin daycare. crying, sucking her thumb, etc. I was totally cooperative and they went through the house, called people who know us and so far it's "unfounded", but it was terrifying! I'm furious because her behavior started when h started this crap. her teachers, principal and everyone knows this.

anyway, another day to get through. I only cried twice yesterday. Ithink part of MY db'ing is I have to accept that he really is in love with ow and isn't coming home. GAL for me.

I have therapy today,thank the lord.

[spark]

I just got the nicest email from h telling me he was sorry we had a bad day yesterday (our email fighting) and that I can call him whenever I want/need to. It was very sweet. A crumb is a crumb is a crumb, I guess.

anyway, I just emailed him back, thank you and that was that. No more contact (from my end) today. It's just easier that way. I really have to "drop the rope" as my db coach said. I have to for ME.

[Ready2Change]

bump

Do you go to church? If not do a 180 and start going. If you do go, Do a 180 and "really" listen. Move to the front if you sit in the back. Smile and say hi to people you never talk to.

Get there early and stay late...

MA,

Any thoughts on this?

[spark]

I'm not a "church" person (catholic), but I'm a spiritual person and I need to get back into doing spiritual practices that have helped me in the past. al-anon is actually very spiritual and I KNOW I need to get my butt back in there.

[Ready2Change]

I'm not a "church" person (catholic), but I'm a spiritual person and I need to get back into doing spiritual practices that have helped me in the past. al-anon is actually very spiritual and I KNOW I need to get my butt back in there.

Good! (Old me was never a believer. 180 I understand now!)

[Trip]

Mary, don't beat yourself up over any backslides. Pick yourself up, learn from them, and move forward with a new plan.

[spark]

feeling pretty good today. didn't call or email h all day and have no desire to. I'm to see him tomorrow for a parent/teacher conference and a pray I db and stay strong. It's actually a relief not having him here in a way because I don't have to deal with him sneaking off to make phone calls to ow, etc.

Had a great therapy session also. I went through a depression/anxiety phase last fall and h was totally NOT THERE for me at all. i was so hurt and angry and felt so alone. my therapist asked if this is what i really want in a partner. I want my marriage back, I do, but I want ME back and I lost her some time ago. I'm beginning to GAL (going back to school!) and I'm proud of how I'm taking care of D5 alone during the week. I'm "showing up" and doing a good job. I never thought I could do that. I have also shored up more work for myself.

I'm feeling less of a "Need" for h and more of a "want, if I choose". Big difference.

[spark]

feeling pretty good today. didn't call or email h all day and have no desire to. I'm to see him tomorrow for a parent/teacher conference and a pray I db and stay strong. It's actually a relief not having him here in a way because I don't have to deal with him sneaking off to make phone calls to ow, etc.

Had a great therapy session also. I went through a depression/anxiety phase last fall and h was totally NOT THERE for me at all. i was so hurt and angry and felt so alone. my therapist asked if this is what i really want in a partner. I want my marriage back, I do, but I want ME back and I lost her some time ago. I'm beginning to GAL (going back to school!) and I'm proud of how I'm taking care of D5 alone during the week. I'm "showing up" and doing a good job. I never thought I could do that. I have also shored up more work for myself.

I'm feeling less of a "Need" for h and more of a "want, if I choose". Big difference.

[cw68]

good for you!

[Ready2Change]

...I'm to see him tomorrow for a parent/teacher conference and a pray I db and stay strong...

Are there any 180's you can do? Dress different, smell different? (I complimented W's choice of cloths in front of teacher at PTC, this was big 180 and I got a shocked look from W. I did most of the talking and question asking: old me just listened)

Please list some 180's you can do!