I'll show her the fuzzy dice hanging from the handle and tell her "these are what's left of my balls...thanks a heap, baby!" But then, they are still warm and fuzzy aren't they!
OK guys, new situation, different woman. In a couple of weeks I will be blessed with the opportunity to interact with my former Coffee Buddy at a kids dance performance, oh joy of joys Now, for those of you fortunate enough to not know about the Coffee Buddy sitch I will briefly explain. CB is a woman I befriended a few months before my W and I separated. Our D's went to the same daycare, same summer program, same dance classes...you get the picture. I'd known her for two years but had often avoided her because she seemed to like me, which is OK, but I was determined to save my M. I didn't want anything getting in the way of that no matter how much of a b!tch my W was being. Also to be fair, CB was doing nothing inappropriate, her face would just light up whenever she saw me and she'd beam me the most incredible smile, give me a little wave and sometimes we'd chat. We now began to go out together for coffee while their class was on. We began confiding in each other and, according to my shrink, formed an "intense emotional bond" as we shared very personal and painful experiences with each other. She listened to me, shed tears for me and validated me. I believed we had become friends (OK, I confess, I was also thinking that down the road I could boff her...in a R, of course. I wasn't all shiny and pure in this, I know!)She had a bf, who she rarely mentioned but I was in no place to be thinking R with anyone anyway. I was just enjoying feeling connected with her, something I hadn't felt with a woman for a long time. I was the perfect gentleman, treated her like the beautiful woman she was but made sure I did nothing to compromise our friendship. But, it was weird, a direct violation of the Parents Waiting For Children Handbook, Mom's don't hang out with Dad's...uh uh. I also wondered more than once whether this was fair to her, I mean my R was done, hers wasn't. Near the end we were spending three of the four available evenings each month together but, I swear, nothing was happening. Anyway, Once I separated from my W Coffee Buddy ditched me. She suddenly just cut off virtually all contact with me. At one point we had an opportunity to talk and I asked her if I had done something to make her uncomfortable and she replied "No, I just have chores to do, please don't think you've done anything wrong, you haven't" and that was that. The last time I spent with her was at a Christmas concert and we actually sat together (???) and talked appropriately to each other. It was nice. Afterwards, she returned to carrying out her unofficial no contact policy and I haven't seen her since. I also decided that rather than face her weekly drive by's, where she'd drop and pick up her kid without getting out of the car, I'd go to a church group instead. So, now XW picks up our D each week. I didn't need the weekly feeling of being unwanted. So in a few weeks I have to interact with her again. I'm a bit anxious. The way she disposed of me was rather hurtful and pretty extreme (a friend of mine said "she acts like you f@cked her"!) especially considering I was going through the worst time in my life and she was fully aware of it. But, I also recognize that we were maybe getting a little too intimate and she had a R to protect, I had to go. So, I think I'll just be polite and pleasant and talk about the friggin weather but stay away from any personal comments and/or questions. A long bathroom trip may also be in order. She's made clear that she wants nothing more to do with me, I'll honour that. Part of me is still a bit hurt but another part of me really does understand. Hey, how the heck was she supposed to deal with it? Was she to say "Hey Whatis, you know this thing we're doing that really isn't anything well, we have to stop doin it" How do you discuss that with someone? It was just a really bad time to have to deal with another rejection. I don't want to be mean, as it is not deserved but I also don't want make myself vulnerable to her either by acting the "friend". So knowing I'm gonna have to deal with her again in a few weeks (and yes, I will have to deal with her) stirs up all that emotional crap again. Does all this make sense or should I go back to the laundry room?
I guess I just like to have a plan in place when I'm dealing with anxiety provoking situations. This sitch just makes me feel weird inside. I don't want to see this person but I kinda have to. I'll be fine, I know. I'll just tell W that CB's gay and maybe she'll hit on her...oh sorry, that smells of vengeance, doesn't it!
How fitting your recent posts are to a talk I am giving at church next Sunday! I will be talking about God's kindness, and remembering it, and learning from it, and how we see it in our lives. Sometimes, we find ourselves so wrapped up in our own life's pain (such as your W), that we don't even realise we are being unkind (we might think we are being assertive, for instance, or just being honest). Below, are a couple of quotes I found.
Here is a quote from Mother Theresa: "Be kind and merciful. Let no one ever come to you without coming away better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile, kindness in your warm greeting. In the slums we are the light of God's kindness to the poor. To children, to the poor, to all who suffer and are lonely, give always a happy smile-Give them not only your care, but also your heart."
A children's song: I want to be kind to ev’ryone, For that is right, you see. So I say to myself, Remember this: Kindness begins with me.
2 Peter 1:7 And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity.
Anyway, I am not judging your W (from all the reading I have done, this lesson applies so much to myself so who am I to judge anyone). Who knows why she is the way she is, or why we are the way we are? As your name says, it is what it is. You handle it all with such humour, and patience, that you really inspire me, Wii.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Thanks Being Me, great to hear from you! Humour is a great weapon, isn't it...she can't take that away from me! Btw friends, I won't be going on about the Coffee Buddy thingy, I just thought it appropriate to explain the background when I'm thinking about how to deal with the upcoming joyous event! I just want it to be over! So don't worry Tom, I ain't goin there again. Besides I'm hooked on the Muslim lady now! I noticed today she has American plates on her car and her sticker is a year out of date. Ooh, a risk taker, I like that
Now, for those of you fortunate enough to not know about the Coffee Buddy sitch I will briefly explain. CB is a woman I befriended a few months before my W and I separated. Our D's went to the same daycare, same summer program, same dance classes...you get the picture. I'd known her for two years but had often avoided her because she seemed to like me, which is OK, but I was determined to save my M. I didn't want anything getting in the way of that no matter how much of a b!tch my W was being. Also to be fair, CB was doing nothing inappropriate, her face would just light up whenever she saw me and she'd beam me the most incredible smile, give me a little wave and sometimes we'd chat. We now began to go out together for coffee while their class was on. We began confiding in each other and, according to my shrink, formed an "intense emotional bond" as we shared very personal and painful experiences with each other. She listened to me, shed tears for me and validated me. I believed we had become friends (OK, I confess, I was also thinking that down the road I could boff her...in a R, of course. I wasn't all shiny and pure in this, I know!)She had a bf, who she rarely mentioned but I was in no place to be thinking R with anyone anyway. I was just enjoying feeling connected with her, something I hadn't felt with a woman for a long time. I was the perfect gentleman, treated her like the beautiful woman she was but made sure I did nothing to compromise our friendship. But, it was weird, a direct violation of the Parents Waiting For Children Handbook, Mom's don't hang out with Dad's...uh uh. I also wondered more than once whether this was fair to her, I mean my R was done, hers wasn't. Near the end we were spending three of the four available evenings each month together but, I swear, nothing was happening. Anyway, Once I separated from my W Coffee Buddy ditched me. She suddenly just cut off virtually all contact with me. At one point we had an opportunity to talk and I asked her if I had done something to make her uncomfortable and she replied "No, I just have chores to do, please don't think you've done anything wrong, you haven't" and that was that. The last time I spent with her was at a Christmas concert and we actually sat together (???) and talked appropriately to each other. It was nice. Afterwards, she returned to carrying out her unofficial no contact policy and I haven't seen her since. I also decided that rather than face her weekly drive by's, where she'd drop and pick up her kid without getting out of the car, I'd go to a church group instead. So, now XW picks up our D each week. I didn't need the weekly feeling of being unwanted. So in a few weeks I have to interact with her again. I'm a bit anxious. The way she disposed of me was rather hurtful and pretty extreme (a friend of mine said "she acts like you f@cked her"!) especially considering I was going through the worst time in my life and she was fully aware of it. But, I also recognize that we were maybe getting a little too intimate and she had a R to protect, I had to go. So, I think I'll just be polite and pleasant and talk about the friggin weather but stay away from any personal comments and/or questions. A long bathroom trip may also be in order. She's made clear that she wants nothing more to do with me, I'll honour that. Part of me is still a bit hurt but another part of me really does understand. Hey, how the heck was she supposed to deal with it? Was she to say "Hey Whatis, you know this thing we're doing that really isn't anything well, we have to stop doin it" How do you discuss that with someone? It was just a really bad time to have to deal with another rejection. I don't want to be mean, as it is not deserved but I also don't want make myself vulnerable to her either by acting the "friend". So knowing I'm gonna have to deal with her again in a few weeks (and yes, I will have to deal with her) stirs up all that emotional crap again. Does all this make sense or should I go back to the laundry room? 