FIB responded with a counterclaim and was immediately awarded an OP against HER. There will be a hearing.
F4M
I think he may need it
Gosh, It is so much worse than I thought. Sounds like she is trying to regain control of the situation after FIB filed for divorce.
Wish him well from me, I miss his posts, such a grounded decent guy.
Nutty
Be The Greener Grass.
Me 40 H 42 Son 11 Married 15 years. Left May 2006 after gambling spree I had EA August 2006 OW Aug 07 after another gambling spree (she will make me happy - stop me gambling!) I filed for divorce 9th April 2008.
I hope you understand that there is no bigotry here. Many of you may recall that my W converted for me before we got married. I hoped that if we were 'one'...we would be closer and inseparable. This became a thorn as time went on. I tried to meet her needs...adding lights in the house....adding lights in the backyard....letting the kids get a present from Santa. We always and FREELY celebrated Christmas and Christmas Eve at her parents.
When she 'came back' in December '06, after she confessed her one night stand, she wanted to return to Catholicism. For Xmas, I bought her a beautiful diamond pave cross...and...also a medallion that I searched out over the internet. The medallion was a silver circle on the outside...a gold Star of David..and a bronze cross in the middle...shape similar to this:
**EDITED - Advertisements are NOT ALLOWED.
I wrote her a moving note how we could still be inseparable....that what I needed then were not what my needs were now...that I wanted to keep my family whole.
She never wore it (I actually got if for her as a keychain or to hang in her car).
This morning, she was wearing it on her chest. Yesterday, she accused me of keeping the kids from her during Passover....we celebrated it at my sister's house...the one she charged at the other day and told her to 'stay off my property'.
This is really f'd up. Bizarre. It keeps getting worse.FIB
I recall the love is toxic comment. It seems that, in most divorces, there is one stable spouse and one who is the 'combatant'. I can understand now how an innocent spouse can be dragged into a horrible divorce battle.
How could anyone do anything less than try to defend themself when attacked?
I appreciate one of my friend's comments...that many S's in this situation 'marry down'. There is a mismatch. Then,if one of the S's steps outside the M...the foundation of trust is broken. If it cannot be repaired, the person who was 'cheated on' may file. Throughout this, I think..or the theory is...that one S never believes that this will happen. They fear D like we do...perhaps don't want it as we do, but, they still need to search for something outside of the M that they feel is missing within them.
When the other S either discovers more things..or..finally gives up and files, this destroys the safety net. The wayward S never believed that it would happen. They then get angry...forget their contribution...and choose a path of vindictiveness, anger and retribution against the other S. I would even wager that some of them still love the other S, yet, after burning so many bridges, they feel they can't come back but must continue destroying the other S in order to survive.
This may not be the proper forum for this but something that is so critical for each of us is to not stop in the process of getting to a place where our growth isn't halted. Our spouses, no disrespect intended, in various degrees, have not only halted their growth as individuals but regressed in their emotional development.
My primary concern is to protect my children. I am not as worried about myself. My decisions though impact more than just myself. I have to become both a mother and a father to my children while my spouse is not able to make decisions that are always in the best interests of our children. In fact, I consider what my spouse would've wanted me to do or what she has said in the past when making my decisions. Believe it or not, it really helps since I got used to weighing decisions with her counsel.
FIB, I don't think you ever made a mistake marrying your wife. She was someone very special to you and probably still is. Unfortunately, mental illness, which I apologize for my armchair analysis, has robbed her of you and your children. Sadly, it as robbed her of herself as well.
It is important that we do not use justification to rationalize our situations. I apologize to me4faith that I am politely disagreeing with your friend about "marrying down". I know that we have had our egos severely damaged but I believe we need to put things in perspective without the need to demonize or "downgrade" our spouses. They have already hurt themselves far more than anyone else could ever do. They had admirable qualities that attracted us to them and our decision to marry them.
The fact is we find ourselves in a very bad place and are looking for some reason or purpose this could be happening. We may never know but we can either become better people from this or let it poison us.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
I agree that some marry down. it's just a simple fact that not everyone brings an equal amount to the table.
if you find your spouse limiting your personal growth due to their insecurities, using manipulation to control you, and cheating on you. chances are, you married down.
it's not a bad thing to realize that there are bad people out there. sometimes you don't find out they're bad till you marry them, lol. I think labeling behavior such as cheating, abuse, lying and worse as mental illness or mlc is the ultimate in using justification to rationalize one's situation.
yes virginia, there are some bad people out there..
