4 years isn't going to help. A couple of months is reasonable. STBX is exactly right about the lawnmowing thing. And, that is exactly why him storing your stuff at your residence is a problem. STBX should have no household duties. Nor should he have any household benefits. This is a *divorce*. Your lives will be separate in the future. He doesn't get to keep the small bit of his old life because he finds it convenient.
Talk at the mediators, you don't need to talk before then. You don't need to justify or explain it. All you need to say is: "I will consider allowing you to store your stuff at my house for a maximum of 3 months if you sign something that says I am not responsible for any damage or loss to it."
As for the house and him owning, I urge you to do whatever you can to make that NOT the case. Take out a loan, borrow the money from family, max out the credit cards, but pay him off now. It is soooooo not worth having that tie to him for five years. It would have to be an unmanageably huge chunk of change for the financial costs not to be worth your increased quality of life.
And, he'd probably be willing to take a reduced amount (maybe 80 or 90%) of the total to get the cash up front.
A word of advice: quit looking to STBX to perform any husbandly duties or to do things for you as a friend. He is not your friend. He is your husband only legally. In every other way he has left the M. In any way that matters in a non-technical way, he is no longer your husband. He is not someone you should look to as someone who plays a part in how your future life goes in anyway, other than related to support payments and how to exchange the kids.
Yup Cat He's way out there in lalaland. He thinks that he owes you nothing but he's entitled to do whatever floats his boat. What does your lawyer think about this? I mean, I know that you can't force him to come over and mow but this works both ways. If the house is to remain in his name as well for 5 years, then shouldn't he be responsible for upkeep? I can't believe that it all falls in your lap just because you stayed and he decided to leave. He does expect the profit from the house split 50/50 right? I would push to get something in writing. If he doesn't want to help then fine, but then you should be in for a bigger percentage of the sale price since you will have been the one who has the burden of the upkeep!
Well, the amount is pretty huge OT, it is 23,000, wish I could get that much on my hands, I looked into loans, but the lowest they've got is 8%, and no way I'm going to burden myself so he can walk with that much on his hands (which he repeatedly told me he'd rather have of course).
My L is the one who told me he should only store his stuff there for a few mths, before I was totally ok with him leaving his stuff there until whenever (something he's whining about, how I said it was ok now I'm splitting hairs)
I wasn't expecting him to mow the laws as a friend, but as a trade off for allowing him to put his stuff there, to which he said it was still his house and he could put stuff there if he wanted to.
Quote:
. He thinks that he owes you nothing but he's entitled to do whatever floats his boat.
mmm, hadn't thought about it like this, he does want his cake and eat it too.
This is pretty much the last thing we are not agreeing about Beth, then it is all done with the legal SA with the mediator, we are getting it all in writing.
Wish I wouldnt' have to talk to him OT, but because of kids I have to, sometimes he has court so he can't watch them, we need to talk about the pets he and s9 care for, etc etc, I can't help it. A while ago I did keep a stupid faint line of hope of "something", but honestly, at this point I am not looking for any connection, he might've as well live in the moon as far as i'm concerned.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
You don't have to talk to him about D stuff. You have to talk to him about childcare.
Consider this: How much does that loan really cost? Loan Amount: $ 23,000 Interest Rate: 8% Length of Years: 5 Monthly Payment: $466.36 This loan will really cost you: $27981.42
You are talking about $5000 over 5 years. In my book, it is well worth that to have STBX out of your business.
But, you should be able to get a better deal if you give it to him up front. He can have the cash NOW (which he wants for magic life with OW) and he can make interest on it.
So if you offer him $20,000 up front:
How much does that loan really cost? Loan Amount: $ 20,000 Interest Rate: 8% Length of Years: 5 Monthly Payment: $405.53 This loan will really cost you: $24331.67
This option only costs you $1300 more, spread out over five years — less than $300/YEAR.
How much does that loan really cost? Loan Amount: $ 19,000 Interest Rate: 8% Length of Years: 5 Monthly Payment: $385.25 This loan will really cost you: $23115.09
At $19,000, you pretty much break even, it costs you an extra $20/year. Somehow, I think STBX would accept $4000 less to get the cash now.
Of course, you could start the bargaining at $17,000 (for a total cost over 5 years of $20681.92) and then split the difference to end up at $20,000. (The TWENTY part of that might let STBX feel good about that.)
If you really want a reasonable trade-off for him using the storage space, charge him market rental rates for a storage space that size starting after 3 months. Somehow, I think he'll manage to rent space at U-haul. But, again, the better move is to just get his financial interests separated from yours, now.
stbx just told me today his debt is getting bigger each passing month and is hurting for money...hmmmm, I like this idea. If he accepted that much I think I'll be happy with that too! I did get a quote for a loan for 8.4 a few weeks ago from my bank (dorks were supposed to call me back to explain me about points, never did) anyways... I think the rate was lower for a higher loan, the rate of 8.4 was based on a 10,000 loan.
I just talked and talked to a drone from the loan dept. from my bank, lets see what they say, they will call back with a quote, crossing my fingers)))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat - hopefully the following is helpful?? Buying a point means that you are paying 1% of your loan amount in exchange for a lower interest rate. I do loans (but not mortgages), and my understanding is that it is in your best interest to buy down as many points as your lender will allow. The $ spent on points is tax deductible. As an aside, I would also suggest looking around to see if there is a credit union that might be able to offer you the loan since the rates and quality of service are generally better than a bank's (of course I am biased on this based on where I work).
OT speaks the gospel truth with regards to the idea of getting your STBX out of your business sooner rather than later. I only wish I was in a position to do the same! Best of luck to you.
thanks Del! phew, I think I understand, lol, some homeowner I am :P
There are 2 reputable credit unions in my area, I heard good things about them, will check the rate, also for USAA, thanks for that tip!
Now, the only thing that bothers me is that, what if stbx looses his job and is unable to pay me child support? I'm counting on that as a way to pay off the bank loan (provided I get it). He's have 19k in his pocket and I'd have a 5yr loan on my back. The way it is set up now is that if he doesn't pay child support I dont' pay him any $$ for the house (my L's idea). Without his CS I couldnt' pay the loan, I dont' make that much, I make enough and just a bit more, I guess I'm considered middle income.
He is going under for a colonoscopy next Tues, (I know cause he can't take care of d5 that day and had to let me know) The dr wants to check that his acid reflux that never goes away isnt' due to a hernia..or a cancerous tumor. His mom told me he's very worried about it, guess because of our latest arguments he didn't convey his fears to me (guess is better that way). I pray it is nothing wrong, honestly. But, the sad truth is, if it is cancer that also affects me financially in the long run (PLEASE understand, i'm not being heartless, heaven forbid anything happens to him, as a human being and the father of the kids-- I just have to think of how I'll take care of my children), what if he can't work anymore after 3yrs or so, what would happen, how would I pay the loan back? I guess it could happen anyway at any given time, but his family has a history of cancer, his dad died young at 53 from a cancer originated in his stomach/lower back, but that's something I was thinking about this morning.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
