Hanging in there....

[MichelleLT]

I have those same doubts as well. Sometimes I go over to the success stories just for proof that the alien sometimes really does go away and it's possible to restore your M.

You have some amazing detachment to have those conversations and still manage to talk. This is something I very much need to work on, but don't have much of a chance to practice either lol.

Have a good workout!

[Sugar and Spice]

I guess its sort of a desperate attempt at some sort of intimacy and closeness. I am also pretty much the only friend he has to talk to, kinda sad really.

I just wish it was easier than this. He says stuff sometimes, that just make me wonder WTH are you thinking, how can you say that to ME of all people, but I try not to react that way simply because it negates the "friendship" and reminds him I'm the "W" and the "authority figure." I got that book, Not Jut Friends and it is full of great information. I suggested to him that it would benefit him more than it would me and he really didn't seem to like it very much, but did listen to a couple of the points it makes and seemed to actually agree.

I'm not always able to detach when we have these talks, but lately I have been making a bigger effort to not cry or get "emotional" it makes the talks more productive. We were talking earlier today and I told him that if he came home that we would have work to do and his response was, "I won't have to work when I come home. I don't see our relationship as work." I replied that maybe we should have worked on it before, but that I wanted things to change for the better and he agreed, so anyway...its moment to moment, but he is forced to spend the evening with me because DD & DS have back-to-back games tonight. I did find out that he has been avoiding seeing me this week because OW left hickeys on his neck...so gross! That is just so High School! I did get a bit pissy about it, partially because I'm a jealous bitch, but also because...um, HELLO! You have 2 kids that know we don't live together and have bruises on your neck, explain that one Matlock! WHATEVER! I just told him that he needed to show a little more class and respect, as that is just tacky. NOT my finest 5 minutes , but he actually apologized for it, I was shocked.

And so I wait...

[GoingForward]

Wow, Corey! Things are looking a little brighter over here! Many positives.

I'm going to have to keep working on just taking it easy and just keeping up the "friendship" portion, that seems to be what is working in my favor right now. Not talking to him only seems to drive him that much further away.

I think this is a GREAT idea.

If I'm not mistaken, and I sincerely apologize if I am, wasn't it your H who said that you didn't "pursue him enough"? If this is so, how about giving him a call or even just a TM every once in a while to say "hi", "how r u today?", or "Such a nice day! Hope its a great one 4 u!"? Wondering if he'd appreciate that.

If you and the kids are going out to dinner/movie/etc, perhaps invite him along sometimes. I think Michelle was spot on when she said your H's LL could possibly be QT. Seems like he wants to feel included in your activities.

Try it out for a while....a week, two weeks....and see how it goes. Do not expect anything though. Keep things light, very low-key, and with no expectations whatsoever.

Your H IS still up on that fence. NOW is the time for you to BE the better view.

[MichelleLT]

I guess its sort of a desperate attempt at some sort of intimacy and closeness. I am also pretty much the only friend he has to talk to, kinda sad really.

I think I am also in this position occasionally with my H. In a way, it is a good place to be - an EA of sorts.

NOT my finest 5 minutes , but he actually apologized for it, I was shocked.

Well, sounds like he was actually receptive to the boundary setting! I'm glad he felt guilty about it. He's not as deep in the fog as before and is actually halfway considering his effect on other people!

[Sugar and Spice]

GF, I have been doing that more and more. I asked him over for dinner Sunday and Monday night. I now know he didn't show Monday because he was Cpt. Hickey, but I made the offer and didn't get pissy when he didn't come either night. I just told him that I was making dinner and he was welcome to come have some if he wanted to. He declined both times, but I think was actually glad that I asked. I never thought about it as a form of pursuit, but I think you are right. I have been trying to do little things, like on the way to the game I will offer to get him a soda when I get mine, get him a bag of sunflower seeds, etc...

I have also txtd him a couple of times just asking stuff like, what're you up to today, etc... He sometimes reacts like, why do you ask, what do you think I'm doing and I respond with "just making conversation." or something like that, not checkin' up on you, just saying Hi. He is taking all of us to a hockey game Saturday night and that is the 1st Saturday night he has even offered to spend with us, let alone me since before he left. Baby Steps, no expectations.

Michelle, being in this situation is sort of an EA, but isn't it strange to be in that position with your own spouse? My H actually made a crack last week that I could be his mistress, that he thinks I would make a great mistress...Huh?

I think some of the fog has lifted just because of the pregnancy. That is a reality smack and I know he is really having a hard time accepting his age. I guess some of this is a MLC on top of everything else. He gets sucked back into the fog bank pretty easily, but is still clear enough to know that things can't be this way forever. He has shown more concern for how his actions affect other people lately, but I'm still very leery of putting too much stock into that, as it can change in the blink of an eye. I'm just going to keep on doing what seems to be working and see where this road leads.

No matter what, I know I will come out of this a changed woman. I think it will be for the better too, because strangely enough I feel lighter than I have in a long time. I am taking time to loosen up and let go of somethings that I have found out, really just don't matter all that much...

Like the Wicked Witch of the West says, "All in good time my pretty, all in good time!"

[MichelleLT]

Cpt. Hickey

ROTF LMAO! You come up with the BEST one-liners!

Michelle, being in this situation is sort of an EA, but isn't it strange to be in that position with your own spouse? My H actually made a crack last week that I could be his mistress, that he thinks I would make a great mistress...Huh?

Yeah, isn't it though? I feel in a similar position too both on the emotional and physical level at the moment. It's something I haven't managed to wrap my brain around yet. A great mistress? That's a random comment for him to make lol. Seems somewhat positive though, so *shrugs* just smile and nod lol.

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks, they just come to me. Other people can draw, sing or do other wonderful things, I have the ability to make smart comments at the drop of a hat. Is there a muse for that?

The mistress thing was kinda weird and I should have said something cute, but I didn't. It really caught me off guard and I'm not sure if its positive or not, but I'm not going to obsess over it either. Whatever!

The physical side has not been a problem for us during this time, if anything its made it better, which is so twisted in and of itself, but its the truth. Its the emotional reconnection that we have lacked, so thats what I need to strive for.

Thanks again ladies, you are so helpful to me!

[Sugar and Spice]

Well it was bound to happen. He was really stand-offish and distracted last night. Looking for a fight. By the end of DS game he was in a back and forth txt convo with the Troll and the 3 of us (me DD and H) were sitting on a blanket watching DS play. I kept looking at him, not saying anything, just giving him "the look" as I feel its highly inappropriate and disrespectful to be doing that in front of either of us. He told me to turn around and worry about myself and I replied, try not to be so obvious then. Anyway, as I expected...withdrawl, retreat into the fog bank! He called this a.m. and was pretty much a jerk as well, so I am just irritated, but I know its just part of the game.

My kids have IC today so at least I get out of the office early, so theres a positive here and thats what I need to keep the focus on.

So...Hokey Pokey it is (I hate that damn song.)

Michelle: I thought you might get a kick out of this, I changed his ringtone last night to Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend - its just the beginning (Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend, I think you need a new one!) I changed it back to a diffent one, but it amused me...maybe that should be his ringback tone! I'm such a child...

[MichelleLT]

LMAO. You are right, that does amuse me. Other options would be "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood, "Picture To Burn" by Taylor Swift, "Settlin" by Sugarland...hmm what else...I guess I'm stuck on country today lol.

[Sugar and Spice]

No Sugarland...her ringback tone is the 3rd verse of "Stay", oh make me puke.

I was thinking about the Lady Antebellum song "Love Don't Live Here" if things don't work out in July. That is just a great song.

Its the little things