unevitably aboard the D train...

[cat03]

...and the lady with the bountiful bosom gets the cigar!!

Lmao!

[fig]

just look really confused


i threw out all of LSS crap that he left in the garage when I moved.

I told him about it

but he never came

it was with particular glee that I chucked all his winter clothing and precious comic books.

when he called ranting about it at a later date, Imade sure to sound like I was so confused

i just assumed he wouldn't want that stuff anymore

and

then I added

"it must be because I am such a stupid stupid girl...somethinghe always said I was"

I ended it with a giggle

he called me a beyatch when he left (the lies he told about me were something else)
so I figured he might as well get a little taste of what a real beyatch was

besides

i am not his mother

if he wanted that crap he should have come and gotten it!!!

[cat03]

lol! stbx also has tons of comic books in my house.

Stbx told ow I was an abusive mother, unbalanced and emotional unstable who wielded knives! guess it would've fit the bill if I were to make a bon fire with all his crap, lol (just kidding, wouldn't do that, i'll let him clean all his crap himself)

[cat03]

was just on the phone w/him, he is on MAJOR a-hole mode, started asking me what was my "disfunction", being very agressive,I really wanted to keep my cool and asked him to calm down, he kept asking me he didnt' see why it would make me unconfortable him storing stuff there despite the fact that I did tell him why, he was being just awful and raising his voice, so I calmly told him I couldnt' talk anymore and good bye.

He sent an angry txt saying how I might've as well get a f*cking lawyer that he was done talking to me, that "if you dont' want to fix things dont' talk to me " huh?

Anyways, I actually have seen how I have brought conflict into our talks, was fully intending to give in a bit more and he turns into the harpy from hell. Great.

I dont' think he'll actually drag this to court, but it makes me feel uncomfortable the way we ended the convo. I was reading this great book yesterday about conflict and it said something like "you wouldn't want to be in dissagreement with your sitter/day care, with people who will be taking care of your kids for half their life, then why would you have a bad R/communication line with your ex? That really stopped me in my tracks. I'm a green horn here, and I admit I was making things difficult because I was hurt and didnt' let my mind think smart. I do not want to be communicating with him at this awful level.

He has not called nor txt back, I txt back that we could talk when he calmed down, and that perhaps if he agreed to cut the lawn on the back yard where the shed is he could use it for 5 yrs, no reply either.

Great, now I feel unsettled.

[fig]

i like the lawn mowing part

he is a 3 year old having a tantrum

I think it is great to acknowlege where you have made mistakes and your motivation behind them

however

this is a 3 yr old having a tantrum
give in and watch him do it every time

or

walk his happy assssssss right out of the store
leave the cart sitting
and just leave

[cat03]

SIGH, I guess he is fig, he has 9 stiches on his head from busting this guy at work, I called him last night to talk about this mess and he didnt' pick up, he just told me he had been sleeping the entire time due to the medication, so maybe he is being an a-hole because of the meds.

I'm not proud of myself, I didnt' realize that NOW is when we start setting the standard of how it will be from now on, our communication in regards to children.

OK, taking a deep breath... and remember that tomorrow is Zumba day

[oldtimer]

Cat,

STOP TALKING TO HIM ON THE PHONE. STOP TEXTING. Use email where you can censor yourself and communicate in a businesslike manner about ONLY business issues. You are NOT going to build a great co-parent R in the middle of the D process. The best thing you can do is STICK TO BUSINESS.

I really hope you will go with your L's recommendation — a couple of months is more than enough time for stbx to remove his property from your residence. It will not be good at all for you to have him have his stuff there for five years, not at all. Trust me, that is NOT a healthy tie to allow to remain.

Get this over with before things get worse. Quibbling about a few thousand dollars is soooo not worth it. First, it may lead you to wind up costing you more (stbx is going to keep getting more difficult). Second, few thousand dollars is not going to matter much a year from now. Just get it done.

Get honest with yourself about why you keep initiating counterproductive contact. It is not going to do you any good financially or emotionally or R-wise.

[BethM]

Cat,

You really should stop engaging him and don't let him bait you. When you get into these bouts with him he feels justified in walking away and calling you all those things. You feel badly because you're mad at yourself for acting that way. There's a part of you that feels that to a certain extent you deserve it. Everything you've written has been written before. We all knows how this feel.

The thing is if you don't engage, and keep it all business, then what is he going to say? If the shed is a huge issue to you and you don't feel comfortable talking to him face to face, then either spell it out in an e-mail, or let your lawyer handle it for you.

Above all don't let him bully you and push you around!

Good luck.........

Love,
Bethie

[cat03]

I was ok talking to him about it, he started out being mean right off the bat. He doesnt have internet all the time, that's the prob with email, and since we are doing mediation I have not retained a L.

But I totally see your point Beth, luckily, at least about the SA, this is the last issue we were arguing about, I was really trying to stay all business, he started out with the "then give me my damn money then" and crap.

And to an extent he is bullying me, I will not call nor txt him again, next time we talked will be on Sunday when he comes for the kids, so until then I will let this be.

[cat03]

OT, I also think 5yrs is too much, but he tells me it's still his house until he's all paid off and I take his name off the deed, which I can't until I refinance and that's not looking good, my rate is nice and low. So, until the loan I paid he thinks he should have his stuff there. I suggested at least he could mow the lawn, he said he'd think about it, then called (perhaps talked to ow? who knows, dont' give a rat @ss anymore) and he was adamant that he had too much on his plate, too much to deal with and that I was the one squabbling over small things, splitting hairs, that I have been fighting him every step of the way, that he has agreed to so much already (waiting 5yrs for his money) and that I just want to squeeze all I can from him.

DEEP BREATH.... this jerk isnt' going to make me upset anymore.

He said it'd be "tying him to me" to agree about the grass (HELLO???? and what about tying ME to him that after the D can come and put stuff there???) We had talked about 2x a month and that he had to call me first to make sure it was ok.
That he was having too many problems as it is, that he had to cut his mom's grass and that it's be another bone of contention between us, even as I said he had to cut it only 6x a year when he could.

He has been totally inflexible about the latest things, he got wed. mornings, got to claim my son, and now he won't give in an inch.

I"m very tempted to tell him it's 4yrs and that's my limit. HE had the nerve to tell him that he was forced to be bringing up just going through Ls and court so many times because Ive been so inflexible, I told him it is him loosing his mind not me.

I really really wish it'd be only email, but he still doesnt' have internet.