"Saru mo ki kara ochiru."

[frank_D]

Yes, FIB has access, like me he still lives with his W.

like me, his W has no money and can't afford to move out. So it is curious to wonder what she would be taking 'from' their house, and where she would be taking it 'to'.

I vote for tax / business related documents because she would think (in her warped mind) that FIB must be hiding something!

Sometimes I think we're addicted to the drama on the board...

[faithisbelieving]

Well...I had a legitimate check of what the boxes were. My W came in last night after taking the kids to the movies. I worked til 9P. S7 fell asleep and I carried him in. I reached into the box to take a feel. Of course, my W hit her key fob to beep the horn.

The box contained.......our wedding photos that I BOXED last year, after I learned about Zack. As I carried S7 in:

W: I'm sure you don't want any of those pictures anyway.

I remained quiet....what was I supposed to say?

Bizarre note: Our bedroom was cleaned. Her dresser top was spic and spanned and ALL OF OUR WEDDING PHOTOS WERE DISPLAYED, CLEANED..SOME REFRAMED....all aligned ao ALL could be seen.

BTW...she went out last night until 12:15.

The above are observations ONLY....not hope...or looking for input.

FIB

[Nutty Chick]

STRANGE !!

[faithisbelieving]

Strange indeed...I have stopped trying to figure that one out. FIB

[faithisbelieving]

Oddities

I've stopped trying to figure things out. I've obviously stopped looking at things that some here would have labelled in the past as 'babysteps'. Some oddities:

• as mentioned above, my W has cleaned off her dresser top and rearranged our wedding photos in PERFECT condition; reframed some small loose ones
• if I get to the MBR first to sleep on the bed, she will still get into it with me in it...but..maintains her distance
• Yesterday:
  Me: My sister (who lives around the corner) asked us to have dinner over her house tonite at 6
  W: Oh..I was going to take them to my mother's house for dinner.
  Me: Well...why don't you take D4 and I'll take S7 with me. He'd love to play with the boys (my nephews)
  
  Later...
  
  W: So..when your sister asked 'us' over for dinner, I don't suppose that included me.
  Me: Always did; but....would your father and mother invite ME over for dinner right now?
  
  No response (none was expected).

Living on the outside,
FIB

[fig]

FIB

nothing constructive to say

just wanted to let you know that you are not alone

and

you didn't fall down Alice's rabbit hole

much luck to you

[Nutty Chick]

FIB.

Interesting babysteps. Always good to keepa record to look back on.

What happens if she gets into bed first? Do you normally get in and keep your distance?

I wonder if the fact that you have filed has taken away some of the 'pressure' I only mention that as that is what has happened to me.

Interesting developments - keep us posted

NC

[cire2]

Living on the outside,
FIB

The important word... "living"

cire

[faithisbelieving]

Living indeed Cire.

To Nutty....she was spooning me almost nightly prior to the service of the Verified Complaint. Now, anger and hostility (see below). She still cycles to some degree...between utter anger/rage...to cordial civility. She does things to 'garner acceptance' from the kids rather than nurture them (again, see below). I think filing actually, took the pressure off of ME. I was trapped between DB'ing/trying to save my marriage and deciding whether or not to file for D. You see...all my attempts to DB only enabled her. As time went on.....she continued to be open to the advances of younger men and it became more obvious that I was merely a trapeze net for her.

In the words of Drew here, it's not that I wanted to move on but that I HAD to move on.

To fig....thanks...and thank you for staying on with me.
To cire...as always, staying strong.

Yesterday:

My son came home with his report card yesterday. My W didn't tell me about it...I had to 'find it' ( I don't play that game...I text her with all S7's and D4's game times/practices). She also dumped a bill in my pile....leftover hospital bill for $112 that is in HER name that she never paid. It was sent to collections...with her name on it. I put it back in her pile. She hasn't contributed to any household bills and, now, during tax season...she will have to pull some of her weight.

When I got home:

Me: S7....would you like to have a catch?
W: (interjecting). I never got to see him yesterday and I'm taking him out.
Me: OK (S7 starts to cry).
W: OK..you can have a short catch (which never occurs)

W: C'mon D4...let's go
D4: But mom...I don't want to go.
W: Then stay home (said brusquely)...(W rushes out with S7)

I then discovered S7's report card which was STELLAR. My W 'absconded' with him I guess to celebrate that without telling me and left D4 behind in a crude fashion. I scooped her up and WE had a catch outside. Then, took her to the grocery store to let her pick out her dinner. I grilled up a burger for her and she picked out broccoli and cheese. She called it 'our honeymoon dinner'. Dunno where she got the term from. LOL.

W left about 6'ish and returned about 9:15PM. I congratulated S7. He crashed with me ( LOL..I snuck upstairs quickly so I could get into the MBR since the couch was killing me). We talked in the dark....about how proud I was of him...how important it was to get good grades and work hard.

Somewhere in the middle of the night, my STBXW came into the bedroom and, in a dreamstate, I recall her lifting up my hand from him and throwing my hand aside.

FIB

[faithisbelieving]

To Nutty....I have stayed as much as possible on the couch. Throughout this, she has, at points, refused to not sleep 'in her bed'. Whereas at one point I began populating my side of the bed with pix of me and the kids, I have taken a handful down and put them on the nighttable next to the couch. I also bought a new alarm clock for downstairs.

She has NEVER been afraid of sleeping in the bed with me...another oddity. Granted...we have a kingsize bed and since the bomb, the distance between her back and me has always seemed like miles of 'No Man's Land'. She probably never stopped the kids from sleeping in the MBR bedroom as a way of putting distance between us and also, needing substitute 'comfort'.

One of my friends, totally ground-based, talked with me on the phone the other day and I totally agree with his input. His 'theory' is that they still love us but in a different frame/level...that they then go out seek to fill their emotional gaps/holes. They aren't ready for D nor wish to have it at that moment....thinking that they can keep their finacial/domestic support going while they dip their toe in the water elsewhere. When they get caught and, in my case, file, this completely undoes the plan...their status quo....and they then get ANGRY WITH US for upsetting the boat. They probably never really thought we would go thru with D and when it happens, WE become the target...the cause for all of this.
FIB