OT, I feel like crap, wish I could leave work, I messed up, why did this get so ugly when this around last yr we were still a family??????????
I feel so bad, I want to cry so hard, I want to go back in time and...
He actually was being half decent these past weeks, talking about getting along for the kids sakes, now he views me as the b*tch from hell, I did give him fodder, I know I prompted his comments of "I want as little to do with u as possible" "stay out of my life" but he never uttered those things before, he'd talk fine w/me when he came over (ok, too well, it unsettled me how he could be so casual as if nothing were wrong.)
I have realized I will miss seing his name coming up on my email (we txted through email since I took off that feature on my phone), that in the back of my mind that meant something, that at least we could have that. He used to have some guilt, at the very beginning he was very solicitous around the home, then it cooled down. Then he'd try to make sure to let me believe he wasnt' with ow so I wouldn't be mad and try to mess him up on the SA, I see that now. The TM meant for ow (they had to be) were telling her about our latest dissagreent and how I 'd have to get used to it, meaning, to them together, though ow apparently doesn't know he was denying an R with her.
I lowered myself to a bickering bitter person, he now prob doesnt feel bad at all at leaving our home/M. We had some kid interaction,someone said that what they missed most was a witness, someone to share things with, now and then we'd comment about something funny/silly d5 did, i'm sure those interactions will be gone too. I did not want to be his enemy either, but, that's how he views me now. Shoot me now.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I loved the prayer. I agree. I have no idea how people get through so many things without having God in their life. Isn't the power of prayer amazing?
I prefer e-mail. It gives me a chance to take my time and think about what I need to say. Last year when I was going through my divorce, e-mailing saved me from saying things that I would have later regretted and from having my thoughts twisted and much less chance of being bated. Sometimes I may walkaway and punch a pillow, but when I go back to write ex would have never known that he had gotten me fired up.
Personally from what you write, I think you're doing really well.
thanks sweetie, i'm having a mini meltdown, guess that's what was coming to me after doing so well for the past 2mths Just called my MC, hope he has something now, that man is God sent and knows all the ugly past, H used to go to him as part of our MC when piecing in 06. MC was right, he asked me that time, before I found H with ow before xmas "and what are you going to do if he cheats again?" he knew H was far gone in his mind in regards to the M.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
I don't think it takes much for them to size them up. I went through the samething. Counselors seem to ask us how we would react rather than saying, "hey dummie, he's gonna fool around on you again ya know." It's nice that he has some knowledge of your husband. It also makes it easier to understand what you have been dealing with.
Melting down is good. It helps us work through things and makes us stronger. Better to let it out then to stuff it down.
thanks for holding me up gals, I was one millimeter from bursting our crying out of my work. Darn it, ruined my zumba day, well, I still danced to my heart's delight
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Going back in time wouldn't fix anything. The problem lies in stbx. Don't worry about him. Worry about YOU.
As for him being pissed off, it is convenient for him. So what. It will blow over. The real problem here is that getting D is unpleasant for both sides. You'll both feel like you lost no matter what happens, at least for awhile. Nothing much to do about it except to do as well for yourself as you can.
To that end, stick to business only with him.
And don't stress too much about your recent email exchanges. In the big picture, they are trivial.
OT))))))) thanks for talking sense into this foggy brain, i'm very emotional right now and seeing not straight, thanks for lifting my chin and talking me down
OK, about zumba, oh baby! it's my highlight of the week!!! We dance all exotic music, brazilian zamba, belly dancing, salsa, cumbia, reggeaton, it is AWEsome, the teacher is this young woman who can dance like no one's business! just looking at her dance just makes you enjoy the class, she's so lively and happy. It is done at a studio (5$ per session, even I can afford that! lol ) some gyms/rec centers have it as part of their aerobic classes, try it if you can.
All women go, young and old, 2 left feet and all, lol, we just go there to have a great time, you can view some video on youtube. The oddball that I am I bought a belly dancing belt to wear to class :), the kind with little coins, and it looks so nice when I dance. Now & then I get to go up on stage to dance alongside the teacher. I come out there dripping with sweat, and happy! you forget all your troubles when you dance there, I plan to go there at night once 4nowH takes my angels mon-tues.
Last edited by cat03; 04/10/0808:22 PM.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
