Hanging in there....

[karen43]

Did I not mention she was a troll? I thought I had. 4ft. 10 and about a deuce.

Holy crap! WTF is he thinking?????????

Oh wait, he's not! With either brain apparently......

I think, at least in my case, and maybe some others, my H was looking for the total opposite of me. I am tall and she is short, I'm full time homeschooling my kids & devoted to them, the OW is a workaholic who spends her spare time at the gym or with my H & lets her 13 year old drink & go out (No what that would happen with my kids!), She's a lawyer, I'm a sahm, my kids are nice & healthy kids, hers have emotional problems, etc.

I guess if that's what he ultimately decides he wants to marry or live with (he has said he wants to live with her in the future) then he doesn't want someone like me and that is his choice then. I think he is trading in a steak for hamburger (rotten, moldy hamburger)!!! Karen

[Sugar and Spice]

LOL! I don't think that "Thinking" is their big common bond...

[MichelleLT]

Haha. Very very very true.

[Sugar and Spice]

Well I have certainly done it this time. I met H at the batting cages tonight after work and he ended up taking S with him and my D came home with me. My S is staying the night at my MIL's house. H calls a couple of times and so I asked what he was going to do and he said "hang out", to which I replied what does that entail? Are you going out with OW and he said yes and it just snapped in me. I told him that even though he refuses to speak the words, the choices he makes reflect his feelings. I asked him why when he had the opportunity to do something with me did he choose her everytime and TELL me that he is going to end up with me?

I let it stew for about an hour and then sent him a txt that pretty much said I'm going to let you go. I didn't get any response from him and about 2:30am I was rereading it and resent it by mistake. So the phone rings almost immediately and its him asking whats going on? He says he didn't get it the first time because he was at Eagle Mtn. Casino (so much for not gambling) and that we could talk in the morning. I told him that there isn't anything else to say and that I had said what I needed to. He ends up getting mad at me and saying, well you said I had until July, but I guess that was just a lie.

WTF? You cheat on me and continue your affair and you are mad at me for letting you go? How in the hell does that work? I told him that if he wasn't willing to stop the bleeding that I would and he gets mad... If you know you are going to end up with me, be with me. If you aren't, go away. Why does it have to be so complicated?

So all my DB'ing is out the window and I may have just screwed things up for good, but I need some relief. Living in it day to day, 24/7 is just killing me.

[Hope4us]

So all my DB'ing is out the window and I may have just screwed things up for good, but I need some relief. Living in it day to day, 24/7 is just killing me.

I'm with ya grumpy. Living this crap day in and day out is just emotionally draining. I feel like I haven't LIVED a normal day in 8 months.

I'm in the same boat as you. I told my WW that we needed to separate because she refuses to work on the marriage and end her affair with OM and she told me she agreed with the separation but she and DS15 were staying in the house. Ok, so help me with this, she is committing adultery, doesn't want to work on the marriage, but I'm supposed to move out, pay her CS and SP and not get to see my son on a daily basis?

I know this might not help, but keep your chin up. I get down a lot, but everytime I talk to my brother he tells me how proud he is of me and how I've handled the situation and that helps me carry on another day.

So I'll say to you (even though I don't know you), I'm proud how you've handled yourself in your sitch. Look at yourself in the mirror. There's an honorable person looking back at you.

Hugs from Hope4Us

[Snow White]

Hi Grumpy,

I don't think that your losing your cool once will make one lick of difference in the long run, how much can he expect you to take, the A, pregnancy, std, and rubbing it in your face that they are going out. All that and she's a troll!

It's morning and a new day and if you want to tell him F off all over again go for it, or if you want to renew your efforts do that too. I am certain since he said we'll talk about it in the morning-like my H always does-that he wasn't putting as much stock into your words as you were. Tkae care and try to have a good day.

[gForce]

I've been in Newcomers and have just started to lurk here.

I have the same frustrations in my own sitch. W still wants me to believe that she put a lot of effort in her attempt at reconciliation. But at the same time she never gave up OM ("hey, you can't say that - I stopped calling him for a couple of days!"). With OM always in the picture, she never really gave me or our M a chance to find a way back into her heart. She's moved out now and their R is in full bloom. Yet she wonders why I am angry at her?!? She has filed for D and I also have had enough.

As much as I love my wife, do I want to continue to fight for someone that has done what she has done to our lives? For a man that values commitment and M so much that he pursues a married woman and fights to break up her M? Her OM fantasy doesn't let her see that, and there is no rational way for anyone to convince her otherwise. She thinks that person will provide her with the love and understanding that she felt she was not getting from me? I think she'll eventually realize his sh** stinks as much as anyone's. No - my efforts are for me to move on now.

If that is where you are at, don't feel guilty about it. You need to look after yourself and your kids now. Keep an open mind if things change, but you'll be OK if they don't.

[Sugar and Spice]

Hope4us, Neecy and gforce - Thanks so much for your support and kind words. They are really helpful right now as I'm feeling torn about what is going on now...its always something.

Well Saturday was damage control day. He came over to "talk", which translates into try and sleep with me so things can be better. Since OW steadfastly denies her tests are back , there will be none of that and since I have more respect for myself, there will definately be none of that. We ended up spending the day together between baseball games and him trying to make things ok.

Come Saturday night though, he is at the cardroom with OW. I got a 4am phonecall from him and he said that he feels like he and OW have "unfinished" business...would that be the baby she is carrying? I had asked him on Saturday to take us out of it. If he knew of a H, a W and an OP and the H told the W all the time that he was coming home, but CHOSE to spend all of his time with the OP then what did he see as the clear answer. He actually said, well that he probably wants to end up with the OP and I said, so how can't you see it with us? He really had no reply.

Sunday I didn't hear anything from him until about 3pm and then I wasn't very nice. I ended up sending him this text:

"The day to day is too hard. You don't love me enough to commit, so I'm back to being in limbo. Love is a choice, and marriage is a committment. Do with that what you will. I won't wait around for you to finish making me wish I was never in love with you for much longer. July was for you to work with a professional & really make some decisions. By yourself you choose not to tell me but you choose to be with her. If anyone has unfinished business, I would think its us, but whatever. Call me when you know something real..."
My phone has a QWERTY keyboard and I'm not afraid to use it.

I didn't hear from him until he called to tell the kids goodnight and at the end he said he would call me in the morning (he calls every work day at 5:30 to make sure I'm up) and I told him he didn't have to and he said that he wanted to. I told him that I appreciate it and he said, "Well, I won't call you if you don't want me to." I told him under the circumstances, in the situation we are in that it would probably be better if he didn't.

We are home sick today and he called at 6:30 to talk to S12 and he called back a little while ago to talk about going to a hockey game and I just kept my answers short and about the kids and he asked, "What, you don't want to talk?" I told him that I had said everything in my texts over the weekend and that this all just hurts too much to live in everyday and that as far as I could tell the decision has been made. We can talk about the kids, but the rest is too much. He said that he didn't agree that the decision had been made but that he would stop calling me...so here we are. LRT or just dark. We have a game tomorrow night, what do I do then?

[GoingForward]

I think you act AS IF all is well.

You focus on having a good time at S/D's game. Be positive, SMILE, laugh often. Act happy . Say nothing to H that doesn't need to be said. NO R TALKS. NO DRAMA. Again, your focus should be on yourself and your children.

Enjoy watching your babies have fun while they grow!

[MichelleLT]

Ditto to GF. Keep things focused on the kids, be happy and relaxed, if he tries to bring up R stuff tell him you don't want to talk about any of it, avoid the drama. You will feel better for it.