fight is probably the right word in January-March...I hope April fight is the wrong word...However, she never likes it. In January, we met to discuss things about 5D and she talked about days she needed in February before blasting into D stuff. So, I made a schedule for February. She did not like how I did the end of the month. Then March came and I did a schedule for it. She called saying we needed to talk about the schedule. But really just called to gripe b/c 5D and I doing stuff over Spring Break and then brought up D stuff. DB coach said after that conversation that I need to do this schedule thing. She said she doesn't like it b/c she doesn't have complete control...maybe. So, April rolls around and I make a schedule that is 4 days me, 3 days her, 3 days me, 4 days her...perfectly even. Blah blah...you know the rest from other post. She has brought it up three separate times and has yet to tell me what she does not like about it. This last time she was friendly during conversation but really very tired/quiet. Whatever the reasons, I need some regularity to my life and I am just not going to be a doormat on this one...I am not going to rollover on this issue...I am sure of it. I can concede/swap days but just to say we need to talk about it and not say anything...makes no sense. I actually believe she will not call tonight as she said she would about it. We will see.
DB coach said after that conversation that I need to do this schedule thing. She said she doesn't like it b/c she doesn't have complete control...maybe. She has brought it up three separate times and has yet to tell me what she does not like about it.
I agree with your coach. She doesn't have control in a sitch in which she seems to want complete control. I also think it is an excuse for her to find something to be angry about. As long as WAS's have something to be angry at the LBS for it helps them to rationalize their decisions including the D. I think that it is evident in the fact that she keeps bringing it up, but doesn't have anything to say about it.
Originally Posted By: jmw128
Whatever the reasons, I need some regularity to my life and I am just not going to be a doormat on this one...I am not going to rollover on this issue...I am sure of it. I can concede/swap days but just to say we need to talk about it and not say anything...makes no sense. I actually believe she will not call tonight as she said she would about it. We will see.
You have every right to want regularity. You should not be a doormat. She will have to respect you standing your ground and you can't bend over backwards all the time. It is however, a good idea that you are willing to concede/swap days. This may be a stupid question, but have you asked for her suggestions if she doesn't like your schedule? She has nothing to complain about then. As long as you are trying to keep things positive, and I know you are, she should back down once the arguments go stale.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
This may be a stupid question, but have you asked for her suggestions if she doesn't like your schedule?
To simply ask for suggestions or what she doesn't like...not this month. Kind of aggravating, she asked about schedule last Thursday and I told her my thoughts of this schedule. She said I meant Sunday. And so she was just 'testing the waters' to see if I would give her Easter I think. So, she knew in advance I was going to do it this way. I also told her when I gave her the schedule it was tentative to tell me what doesn't work for you. She said we will talk later. I've offered to swap and mentioned specific things that happened in her life last month. Trying to be understanding again...her only two comments yesterday were 1) 4 day rotation was fine with her. 2) Wanted to be able to attend/do "these" special things with 5D. 4 day isn't going to work that's just her old plan. She choose that plan to begin with because she couldn't be away from 5D longer than that. I had no input. Special things with 5D is just well I am clueless. She said it like she missed something. I'd like to know what because I missed it to. Boat left me on the dock...I really don't know what she is talking about. Unless, maybe this is more of facing her decision.
More I revise this I notice, schedule topic comes up by her, I say something, and at some point she will say we will talk about this later...what's up with that??? Could be anything. Just bring up anything then say we can talk about it later...
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she should back down once the arguments go stale.
we are not arguing...about anything...she just brings this up not ever saying why...she is always friendly now...just sometimes tired/quiet but never that anger I heard months ago.
Thanks again for help...no calls yet about it...as expected...I really don't see the point.
Morning HiC, thought I'd let you know she didn't call. As you could tell, I expected no call. I tried to be understanding and validate her feelings about times with 5D. However, I do see one thing from her point of view. Of course, nothing I can do...time, consistency, and patience...
I also got a bit of a pick-up when reflecting on MIL statement Tuesday. I know it's not from WAW, but she would not have said those things if she didn't feel like something was there. She would've just been harsh or not wasted her breath. Time...gonna do the "hi" approach when I get 5D sunday. Prepared but don't expect anymore schedule talk...
HIC...hello there! Finally got a thread over on this side!! Hoping maybe I will be able to get some more advice/hits over this way!! I was looking over some of the stuff you and JMW were posting on scripture. I receive a daily scripture inspired email from rejoiceministries.com. They are also focused on saving marriages also. The daily scripture which is focused totally on standing up for saving your marriage is nice, helps me to stay centered. Just thought you might want to check it out. Take care, Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
As long as WAS's have something to be angry at the LBS for it helps them to rationalize their decisions including the D. I think that it is evident in the fact that she keeps bringing it up, but doesn't have anything to say about it.
You are so right HiC, ever since I started the 180ing and not making any contact I have not heard the D word again. It has been over a month since she has said anything about it. I gave her the space she said she wanted, GAL, and act as if (maybe to much) and I never here anything about the D or relationship. She really tries to be friendly and act like nothing happened. I am not going for that either but at least the D talk stopped.
As long as WAS's have something to be angry at the LBS for it helps them to rationalize their decisions ...
Originally Posted By: Jay
You are so right HiC, ever since I started the 180ing and not making any contact...
interesting takes and I sure hope I am doing right with this schedule thing...she called today while I was working asking me to call about it...fourth time just to say don't like it. This time wants me to call to work out together. I sent her a text, "working now. What days do you want to swap?" This can be thought of as 180, not available, not doing as she wants, heck I was working on weekend, blah blah...we will see...
I also got a bit of a pick-up when reflecting on MIL statement Tuesday. I know it's not from WAW, but she would not have said those things if she didn't feel like something was there. She would've just been harsh or not wasted her breath
Could be very true. I am sure your MIL has insight into your W state of mind if they have any sort of relationship. Heck, my mother and I aren't close by any stretch of the imagination and she knows exactly how I feel. That is certainly some hope to hold onto.
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This time wants me to call to work out together. I sent her a text, "working now. What days do you want to swap?" This can be thought of as 180, not available, not doing as she wants, heck I was working on weekend
I think you are correct. Keep doing whatever is working and change what isn't.
As for me. It is much the same. Nothing is new to report.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
You are so right HiC, ever since I started the 180ing and not making any contact I have not heard the D word again. It has been over a month since she has said anything about it. I gave her the space she said she wanted, GAL, and act as if (maybe to much) and I never here anything about the D or relationship. She really tries to be friendly and act like nothing happened. I am not going for that either but at least the D talk stopped.
My H still tells others that we are divorced or in the process of, but the important thing is that he hasn't filed or said the words and it has been 7months. I have changed everything that he has complained about so he has no cause to be mad at me or want the D.
I have a question for you. I know that you are angry with your wife now, and if my question is too personal I don't expect an answer, but do you feel as if you have lost love for her. My husband says he no longer loves me and I don't know how I can build that connection again if he will not allow himself to feel that way again. Any ideas?
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
BTW...I called WAW but no answer...left no VM...morning better be "hi" and can't talk now, because I imagine she will want to vent. minimize contact...
thanks for the input HiC, I really appreciate it...very hard day with relatives acting like bafoons....
gl2u..wish you had update...but same is good. Resident nurse is good status for you...friendship can grow with those opportunities.
