I am surprised that you have gotten negative feedback from other people. Do you find this thread to be more helpful?
Only on a few occasions. 99% of my experiences have been positive. I do get a lot more responses at this forum and all helpful.
Quote:
How is your H doing after his surgery? Do you think you helping him to recover has brought the two of you closer together? I can't help but ponder if him seeing you in this caretaker role helps him to build trust, integrity and respect in you.
He is still in pain, but getting around more. He drove himself to a follow-up appt. on Monday and my brother-in-law to the train station yesterday. Yesterday I asked if he wanted dinner not knowing that he had driven a few times in the past few days and he said he had already eaten, but that I should get something to eat for myself and bring it back. He also asked that I bring him dinner tonight. I hope that we are making progress/getting closer(and I think we are, in the friendship area a least) and that he is begining to see me as the woman he is/was in love with and not the fire breathing dragon lady he had previously made me out to be. lol. He has definitely been joking around with me more and more. He also said WE a few times last night as opposed to me or you and I.
How are you girl?
Last edited by HOPEFULinCALI; 03/26/0804:26 PM.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I know this may not be the answer that you want to hear, but what can you do. You have explained what your lawyer was thinking and she knows. Back off a bit and allow for the dust to settle. Allow for her to calm down and rethink what you had said. All we can do when we have a setback is to get right back on the horse.
Continue to do what works and be a friend to her. I don't know what was said (can it be changed and is it necessary) and of course that is too personal for you to tell, but I wonder if it is not something that she will get passed or even better make her think about her behavior.
Hang in there. Don't get discouraged.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
HIC, I think things sound good in your sitch, him saying we is for sure a positive sign. It's a baby step in the right direction at least! And from the way things sound you've made a few baby steps, almost enough to make a grown up step!!!LOL!! What type of surgery did your H have? Sorry nosey nurse here! I have done research on different pain medications-I may be able to help you/him. The joking around thing sounds like a good thing also!! I know exactly what you are talking about when you said "fire breathing dragon lady"!! I think at times my H remembers that person in me, and not only does he, but his family reminds him of her and what she did to him also....lovely huh!
As for my sitch we take a couple steps forward and a couple steps back. He was texting me left and right a coule weeks ago, now nothing. I did text him and wish him and the puppies a happy easter. He responded and we mesgd back and forth for about 45 minutes. I thought that was good. He sent me 2 pictures of the pups, I haven't seen them in 8 weeks, I miss them. I thought that was sweet, I did ask him to do it, and next thing I knew, two pics on my phone. Then yesterday I received a phone call that was for him. So I msg him with the information, he returned my msg and said thanks. I do look at it this a month ago when I text him, he wouldn't text back, so at least he is texting back....small step!!!
I just don't know how to get him to want to move forward, I feel like we are totally stuck in this rut and can't get out...it sucks! any suggestions???
(hugs) Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I just don't know how to get him to want to move forward, I feel like we are totally stuck in this rut and can't get out...it sucks! any suggestions???
That is the million dollar question. I even posted a thread in newcomers about the four stages and how to move from friendship to romance hoping to get some insight particularly from those who have done it including peicers, moderators, DBers. I still haven't found the answer and even my DB coach said that it doesn't just happen.
I will have to reread your own posts, but do I understand that you are not spending any time together? He hadn't extended invites lately? Have you?
In my own sitch I didn't start to see a consistent effort on my H's side until after seeing Michele I explained that I only wanted to be friends and not holding onto hope.
If you haven't invited him anywhere and vice versa you could try. Invite him to activities that are fun, social, and that he would have an interest in doing. If he doesn't go do it anyway and tell him how great it was. Even coffee. Say something like hey I'm in the area (I don't know how close you live) want to grab some coffee or tea.
I wish I had more answers, but maybe we can figure it out together.
Hugs.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Thanks HIC, I'm just reluctant right now to ask him to do anything. A few weeks ago I asked when his overtime was finished, (which I think it is now) if he could make some time for me. He said via a text, I don't know, I've got to much s*it to do. So I'm just afraid if I push too much, he will retreat even more.
I liked your thread on the other board. I agree with you, I wish some more "experienced" Db'ers would have/will post on it. I really wish the moderators, or one of the coaches would put their two cents in. Or some actual people who have "busted" their D.
I am still optimistic and positive. I feel that he has a lawyer on retainer and could pull the D trigger at any point, and he hasn't. He has also be curtious lately, which is a positive. Another oddity, he showed up at my local pub(one I frequent 3 blocks from my house) note that in our 10 years together, he didn't frequent there. It was strange to me, as I was going with a friend to get groceries and saw him walking in. It was last friday, and yes he could have been having a beer with the guys from work, but I didn't see any work vehicles in the parking lot. I just found this to be an odd behavior. And the fact that I drove by at the exact time he was getting out of his truck and walking in. I truly believe, God, gives us signs of hope....to me it was His way of saying, I am slowly bringing your H closer to you....just one of my thoughts!
Thanks for your thoughts and replies. It's nice to chat with someone who has walked in my shoes. And who knows how it feels, the emotions and thoughts and craziness that goes with all of this.
hugs, Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I was just reading your thread and I thought what you said about asking H to make time for you was interesting. It sounds to me as though your H has been taking some baby steps towards you and then possibly retreating a little afterwards. Could he be scared of getting hurt?
Anyway, the reason i wanted to post was that you mentioned that you'd asked H for some a while ago....
Originally Posted By: christarn
A few weeks ago I asked when his overtime was finished, if he could make some time for me. He said via a text, I don't know, I've got to much s*it to do. So I'm just afraid if I push too much, he will retreat even more.
I wonder if you might consider trying to ask in a different way; the asking may not be wrong, but reading that you'd asked H to make time for you, it sounded a little needy. Would it be worth asking H if he wants to join you doing an activity that you know he'll enjoy? Eg
"Hi H. I was thinking of going to XXX and was wondering if you fancy that? It sounds like fun."
If he says no, or makes an excuse, say you're going anyway- you can show him how you're GALing and are independent. And if he says yes, that's fantastic!
By the way, HIC- I really liked your thread in Newcomers aswell. I've been in friendship with my H for about 4 months now and am getting baby steps towards stage 3 (I think). It's hard to tell for sure!
OD
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
It is nice. I don't feel so crazy knowing that there are others in the same sitch. I agree with one day's post. That is a great suggestion.
One day,
I am just wondering what baby steps do you see towards Stage 3. My husband said something to me yesterday. I forget what it was now, but you know how someone can take something they say that would otherwise be seen as innocent enough and make it flirty or sexual. Well my H did that yesterday when he said something to me and gave me a "you know what I'm talkin' about" type of wink. I just laughed it off, but was taken back by it.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
Christa and HIC, did you both really believe it when and if you said ILYBNILWY? And what were you thinking during the months of separation? Were your H's ever mad at you during that phase and did it push you further away?
I can not help but wonder about these things. I swear to you it was like a totally different person had invaded my wife's body. On occasions I see her behind the eyes of the stranger she is now. I really think the edge of the fog is lifting but I think it is still pretty thick in the center of the storm.
