Lol!! sorry! I changed my name for I fear H and ow were snooping on me (provided she was in cahoots with H to screw me on the SA), but nope, H has no clue I posted all our life horrors here.
OK, I"ll behave now and will keep my original name, tee hee
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Little d5 asked me today, in her baby talk, why daddy stayed only for a little while and didnt' live here anymore, did he not like mommy anymore? WOW, I was not ready for that, I really didn't believe she could put together what was going on. I tried to explained her that dad liked to be alone now, that he loved her and brother, but that now dad and mom were just friends and that dad wanted to live appart. And my sweetheart asked "what about you?" oh, my sweet baby, how did she know my heart broke at the news her dad didnt' want me anymore? I told her I was happy with her and brother and Jesus, she smiled.
She said she didn't know how to feel about her dad not being here, that she wans't sure she was really ok with that. I told her how much her dad loved her and that we would all be ok, that we loved her and that she made me very happy.
H came late to take them to his sister's. I can't blame them by not inviting me to the usual Easter lunch, I just wish they would've said something ANYthing "we'll miss you, sorry it has to be this way", or perhaps Im expecting too much? since it is H's fault and him being the jerk here. Bleah. Poor little s9, I thought he understood I wasnt' going, I repeated like crazy how I was going to pick them up at 5pm to go to my family's, he didnt' get it. He asked why I wasn't coming, his dad was in a hurry so I told him to ask dad. The big chicken, H, told him to ask me, GRRRR!!!, well, right back at him, when I picked him up H was outside and i told him to explain s9, of course he says "why me?", I just looked at him and H explained him fast that we were separated and from now on they'll do stuff with his family and I"ll do stuff with my family, s9 seemed to be ok with it.
For some reason I can' shake a statement H told me last friday among a flurry of txts, he said "you are too rough, which may be fine for others but not me" "I never could be an individual in our M and never will be", some other time he said I had "beated him down" in the M. ARGGHHHH!!!! I know he disregards all my effords of the past 2yrs and that I should'nt expect him to validate me, but damn, it makes me doubt myself, blame myself that perhaps it was mostly my fault things went downhill before he left in 05. We've been M 10yrs, it's hard to go back and pin point things now. I asked for forgiveness, so many times, in tears, during C, he told me he loved me earlier last year.
OK, vent over... I did all I could, I really did.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Honey, you did more than anyone could. It is ugly the way they blame the LBS for their own insecurities, unhappiness, and basic dissatisfaction with life. Truth is, no one lives happily ever after. But that doesn't stop people from being disappointed with their lot in life.
going to my L today, H went to his and had quite a few things to say about the SA, that it left him open to a bunch of things, most things made sense, but we might end up at the mediator again.
H and I are having a big dissagreement about the economic stimulus $$ coming up this May (US). I think the portion that they give you per kid should go for stuff for the kids, he says it has to do with him paying taxes last yr and he should receive half of what they are giving us for the kids. We are butting heads about this, since this is a new issue I have to bring it up with my L. His L also told him that because CS is not tax deductible he should be able to claim one of the kids to make up for it. ARgghhhh!! I hate all these legal crap.
Regardless, God has planted my feet in solid ground and I"m not despairing, sad at times but not desperate, He truly is amazing, I feel his peace in my heart.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Well, Well....I leave a few months and I have to cross the tracks over here and find you! I am so sorry things worked out the way they did for you Cat. You gave so much more than the "college try". Money is always going to be the first hurdle to climb through and most likely the most difficult. I am so proud of your demeanor and glad your chin is tilted in the right direction. As far as my life goes and my "m", I might be slipping over here as well. Hang in there Cat and good to know you are still maintaining on the right pathways....peace
hey friend))))))))))) posted on your thread, I will put you on the top of my prayer list, I pray that you regain that strenght you have in you and move forward, I know I am, not in the direction I wanted, but I am moving forward. You are worth it, dont' loose yourself))))))))))))
My L pointed out a few holes, his L had quite a few things, nothing major, still deciding about the child deduction, my L said that in court they *may* let H have one kid, but not always as H said it happens.
Feeling strong, the sore spot is still thinking of him and ow, that is dimming and i'm retraining my mind to accept whatever R they might have, if he is happy with that crazy unbalanced ex-escort woman, so be it.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Feeling strong, the sore spot is still thinking of him and ow, that is dimming and i'm retraining my mind to accept whatever R they might have, if he is happy with that crazy unbalanced ex-escort woman, so be it.
I think I'm supposed to say something like, don't let the OW take up any more space in your head! You already know that.
I just came across a post on an old thread though that might shed some light on why they make such horrible choices.
Quote: "Wayward Spouses ALWAYS affair down. They NEED someone beneath them, who will admire them and give them feigned respect. Your husband is not seeking out the younger, better looking woman, he is taking whatever opportunity presents itself and meets his needs for sex, admiration, and boosts his self-esteem. SHE IS NOT SPECIAL. If she happens to be younger and pretty that is just the luck of the draw and a RARITY...most of the time it IS NOT the case. After reading here you will discover that the OW could have been anyone and your husband's choice of OW was not in any way an indication or indictment of you as a beautiful, attractive, desirable, intelligent, mature, moral, loyal, spiritual woman, wife and mother. OW is, I guarantee, no match for you.
Think of it this way, your husband is behaving low and dirty. Thus it necessarily takes a pretty low class woman to admire him at this point ... DO NOT allow this trash to rock your self confidence. You may or may not have let yourself go...but you can get it back and be the classy, beautiful, respectful, upstanding, Grade A woman you always were whereas the Other Woman WILL ALWAYS remain trash."
