It's your call. No one can make that decision for you, or tell you it's right or wrong. You decide what you want, and then try to get it. If you want a restored marriage, then you go for that. If you want out, you leave. However, be clear in your own mind what you want. If you are not clear, don't make any decisions. Just linger in the uncertainty. That's hard, especially for someone who is used to control and getting results fast. If you want your W back, this is going to take a long time. It might not succeed. But, if you have any shred of desire to try to make it a go, then you must hang in until the very end. However, if you are are sure you can't take any more, then you should leave.
I'm leaving for several days on a business trip. Take care, and be good to yourself and to others. One day at a time.
Thanks for your thoughts guys. i am just getting so tired of this. I am sure she is out with OM, I can just feel it in my gut and the way she responds to me. Mybe it was the pressure of Easter yesterday that set her off but I am so sick of being the target. For a while there it was two steps forward one back. Now it feels like three steps back per day. Not fun.
Hi Tree.... Sorry to hear how down you feel. This is the awful rollercoaster ride - the part when you just want to get off!
I know how hard it is to just keep hanging on - you are a great man, and its obvious you are doing your best. It is so so hard to live with them when they treat you like crap, even if its just because they are hurting.
Whenever I get upset I look to see what my expectation was that was not fulfilled. (Maybe your expectation was that Wife was improving and you weren't going to be the target of her verbal attacks this weekend?) OR What was I trying to control, and what am I struggling to accept? (Its hard to accept that the lovely W you married does not appear to exist anymore.... Its hard to accept that the life you thought you were going to have does not appear to be turning out the way you wanted it to). Really hard.
If that doesnt help, please just ignore it!
Its not fun - that's for sure! I personally am over all this character strengthening and ready for the fun and love to start! Character building is way over-rated!
Thanks for your thoughts Essie. Do you mean your character building? I am working on acepting that's for sure. I would just love to have my old life back again and I am having trouble accepting that. Also having trouble accepting that my W wants to be with OM.
Sorry to hear about you feeling down. Been there, done that. Will probably do it again as I cycle through detachment. The process of splitting away moves slowly, and painfully. I'm on the road for a few days now; take care.
I am in a bad spot. I have a W that is a Manic Depressive with sever anger issues stuck in MLC that feels that I am holding her back from running around foot loose and fancy free all over town. She has told me that she has feelings, freindly feelings for another man. She says he is just a friend. (Dr. Phil said yesterday that in a situation like this the words Just and Friend do not go together). She is being as nasty as she can to me and my children. She pays no attention to the kids at all but to feed them and run out the door. Everyday I feel like cra* over this situation and I don't know how much further me and the kids can hang on. I love my wife, or whom my wife use to be, very much. She has issues she has to face and will not. I am working very on me doing DB exercises, seeing MC's, Pysc's and working totally on all the issues that i have contributed. She is not budging in this situation and putting in no effort. She has told me many times she does not love me. I heard her on the phone with her friends laughing and making light of our sitch which I think is very seriuos. She will make every effort to hurt me or be nasty.
I am stuck between a rock and a hard spot. Why? Because the living situation that we currenty employ is no good. We bicker, argue and do nothing good in front of our three lovely boys. So living together in our house is a bad idea. She will not leave and I have been advised by all not to leave the house. Bad idea #2 is getting Divorced! I don't want this but the W threatens this everyday like she is holding a gun to my head. She has three feet out the door. She is going to see her L next week to talk to her L about next steps. I saw a new very powerful L today for the first time. I told her(lady L) that i did not want a D and I wanted to R and did not want to be more than three feet from my kids at all times but she said it is not up to me. She assured me that the figures for alimony and support that my W is giving me are fictious and dreamy. My L knows her L well and said that she paints a real rosey story and winds up smelling like shi*. My L says she starts off with the sh**y news and then winds up smelling like a rose. I feel like may back is against a wall and i had to go talk to a L that knew what she was talking about.
Good idea #1. Go to an emergency room for marriages such as Retrovialle. I have talked to two of their coaches and they think this is the time to do it before either of us files for divorse. I feel like I am at the end of the road and I am reaching for straws. She has no interest in MC's anymore for they "can not help us with our problem".
I love my wife, I love my kids, I don't want a Divorce, I do not want my wife running out the door every night but this is not about what I want. The question is how long can this go on and how long can I and the kids handle her childish behavior.
Does anybody have a good idea #2 or #3. Talk to me brother!
