WCW and Paul - I want to keep the place for several reasons. I built it 20 years ago before I was married and much was my design. I added to it twice - both my designs. I built a large workshop. I guess you can call it a pride factor (much like your place WCW).
The best thing is that I have over 5 acres of privacy but I am just outside the city limit; 15 minutes to work. To get acres so close to the city is impossible today (or VERY expensive) so I would have to move far away. For comparison, my Ex's house is on less than 1/2 acre surrounded by other houses and costs more than my house b/c it is new construction.
Also, I considered my kids. They have friends in the neighborhood and they feel comfortable in the house. The house is located in their school district so moving far away is not really an option.
So even though it will take fix up it is still cheaper for me than new construction; cheaper yet b/c I can do much of the work myself. I wish the house was laid out differently but it is a 1980's design, not 2000. I did consider a move, but decided that keeping the pig was the best thing to do.
I knew all that Jeff. I just wanted to hear you say it again and remind yourself of the good reasons. Now keep remembering! It was a trick, I am practicing for April 1st!
I cannot imagine driving by my place and seeing someone elses horses in my pasture instead of mine. Especially not if it was a decision I was forced to make rather than wanting to make.
Did your W ever resent your place because it was your own before it was yours and hers? H will still toss that at me every now and then even though he assured me at the time it would not be a problem for him to move in with me.
I vote for the mad combination. Jeff and W both.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Everyday is just another fricken adventure isn't is Jeff? I am understanding more and more of it all of the time, although I'm not sure it really matters or makes anything different. For example, I can clearly see that I was in a pretty depressed state a year ago and before that. It is so clear to me now. It is also the place that you are clearly in. The problem is, I don't know what I could have done, if anything to make it different than it was. I went to a C, I got put on meds, what else was I to do? Yet, where I was then and where I am now are so completly different (and better) and I'm really sure that if I could see a year from now, it would be all that much better yet.
Forgive me since so many of these sitches seem to run together here, and I'm just not all that great with remembering who is who and which one is which. I say this because I don't really remember if you thought that an EA or PA was part of your sitch. I could just tell you with extreme confidence that there clearly is not an OM in the picture now - not with your wife's behavoir.
So what do you do? Well, my best suggestion is to just let it all happen and roll with it. If ExW calls to talk, great! If not, that's fine too. Just as long as what she says or does is not causing problems for you, just let it happen. Hold your ground, don't let her walk on you or even push with 1 pound more of pressure than you can take. But don't look for problems either way. If I am any indication, you will end up in a very good place. It's just going to take time to do it. It's almost like part of the rules for all of this. Evidently you have to put in some crap time in order to move to the next level.
I have no idea of that helps or every makes any sense. Hopefully it does. Most importantly, be sure to keep providing all of this to your friends on here. We don't want to let you slip through the cracks with any of this!
Hey Jeff, just came over to check on you as I haven't seen or heard much from you lately.
You have the funk I see...hmmmmmmmmm do you think you deserve to be down some? With you in the past, it seems like you are very tough on yourself when you get down. Like you don't feel like you have the right to be upset and hurt and angry. Why is that?
All I am saying my friend is that we are human. We just seem to forget that when we have times like this. We have so little empathy for ourselves it is amazing. Instead of understanding where we are and going easy on ourselves, we condemn ourselves for feeling bad.
You have every right to be hurt, angry, lonely, etc... jeff, but you also have every right to feel those emotions without feeling like your life is shitt. Your life is still good, you still have your kids, you do still have a ex wife who does need your help to raise those kids, and you do still have a house that all be it is in slight disarray right now, is still very special to you.
Keep your chin up Jeff, your life is going to be good again, and you know it.
Jeff-I am new here, but with a similar sitch, only I have been married 30 years, and D not quite done yet. I think these women get in a rush to get their almighty D and then find out that in reality it is nothing what they expected, and as has been said-happiness comes from inside, not from others. your x may well be rethinking what in the world she has done. Make sure you put on the best front you can and be positive. if you fell like helping on a particular day, fine. If not, then so be it. It is part of her consequence aqnd the sooner they face up to that, the sooner that things may improve. i think my wife will get her D, and 6 months down the road when she sees me with another gal things will finally come into focus of what she had and gave away. most will only realize this when it's too late. what a shame for all involved. It will get better. spring will come. Hang in there buddy!
i think my wife will get her D, and 6 months down the road when she sees me with another gal things will finally come into focus of what she had and gave away. most will only realize this when it's too late. what a shame for all involved. It will get better. spring will come. Hang in there buddy!
dbs,
It is true and heartbreaking.... If only these people had the sanity to step back and look at things..... The aspect that is really sobering is many of these people SHOULD be mature.... I know some would blame MLCs.... BUT, these people are choosing to act this way out of free will.... They COULD choose to seek C AND work on their M... They choose to violate their M and their vows......
I am sure my WAW had that WTF? moment when I told her via e-mail I was going to marry my GF........ Before our D, she said, "It is MY TURN to be happy......" I am CERTAIN she is now.....
No_More_Dodo
Last edited by No_More_Dodo; 03/25/0802:59 AM.
"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads which sew people together through the years. That is what makes a marriage last --more than passion or even sex!" - Simone Signoret
I miss you posting here on these forums. We've lost far too many voices of reason over the past couple months. Men who speak with that special combination of wisdom, empathy, compassion, and fire that always seems to speak to our souls are a valuable commodity. I hope your time away is giving you a chance to find your path and will ultimately bring you back here in some regular capacity.
If I had designed and built my own home as you have done, I would have a strong desire to keep that home as well. Hell, I feel the attachment to this place here, simply because it's the first home I ever owned. My boys grew up here. Their friends are here. So many of my memories, some bad but oh so many good, are here as well. Piece of crap right now or not, I understand the desire to make it right again.
I guess that's it Jeff. Just miss the opportunity to have dialogue with you. And hate the thought that you might be out there struggling and keeping it all to yourself. I hope you'll at least fire off an email if you need to hear from a friendly voice.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Jeff-I am new here, but with a similar sitch, only I have been married 30 years, and D not quite done yet. I think these women get in a rush to get their almighty D and then find out that in reality it is nothing what they expected, and as has been said-happiness comes from inside, not from others. your x may well be rethinking what in the world she has done. Make sure you put on the best front you can and be positive. if you fell like helping on a particular day, fine. If not, then so be it. It is part of her consequence aqnd the sooner they face up to that, the sooner that things may improve. i think my wife will get her D, and 6 months down the road when she sees me with another gal things will finally come into focus of what she had and gave away. most will only realize this when it's too late. what a shame for all involved. It will get better. spring will come. Hang in there buddy!
