We recognize that some of you feel that you have benefited from the personal contacts you've made from these boards. However the truth is that these boards were never intended for private communication. This is a public forum. It was designed as such from the very beginning. We had no idea that the private contact issue would become a problem. But it is a problem. Unfortunately, many people have had less than positive experiences with the people they've connected with through the boards. And we simply cannot close our eyes and allow this to continue. Now we know better. For the overall safety and security of everyone, it is necessary for us to eliminate the private contact issue from this site.
Obviously, there are some of you who are not in agreement with the need to enforce this policy. We hear you loud and clear. Still, in addition to hope, encouragement, support and helpful advice, we need to provide a safe place for everyone who comes here. That is a primary concern.
Many of you have been valued members of the Divorce Busting community for a very long time. We appreciate your presence here and sincerely hope that you will find a way to accept and honor this rule and move forward with us.
"Some" and "Many" are great quantitative words when you want to support your argument.
Some people benefit
Many people have had less than positive experiences
We are adults, and I think if you can post on an internet BB, you can figure out ways to protect yourself. Like a gateway email account, not giving out your home number on the first contact.
Your cutting off the nose to spite the face.
The PM's would allow a safety measure, from all this horrible cyber stalking that seems to be going on with many of us. Or stolen identities, or the sharing of truely horrible recipes.
The PM's are tied to this website, without any outside information being broadcast publically, email, phone numbers, SSN's, bank account info...
I follow the rules.
Even the BAD ones.
But suggesting that I'm not moving forward or not still giving advice, that some or many of us are are not moving forward because of this, that somehow this prevents us from posting to others...
Its a straw man argument. Simply not true and shifting focus and suggesting that those who don't like it are childish or irresponsible.
I don't accecpt it, I honor it, it's totalitarian. I'll voice my opinion when it comes up, such as this thread. My signature will remain the same unless someone changes it.
I disagree with this policy only on threads like this one.
Even if Michele herself came here to post saying why this was, I would still disagree.
Sorry after swallowing "wrong" from so many years, I have grown distastful of it.
My opinion, is simply that being ABLE to contact people outside of the board is better than not being able to. AND better to stand for your marriage.
SWL and Imp, you can cut my legs from under me all you want, but I'd still like to know your opinion of not having the option to contact someone from the board outside of the board.
I will follow the rules.
I do not like the rules.
I will attempt to change the rules.
Doing so does not mean anyone can tell me where to post, except by banishment.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hi Virginia, first off, I appreciate that you are listening and addressing the concerns that your members have. That is exactly what many of us asked for and it is great that you listened.
I wonder though if there is a way to allow the PM's for those that choose to speak outside of the forums.
I can tell you that when I was in Scotland last summer, thank god I had people that I could call and talk to. I couldnt get on the boards, and I was alone in a foreign country with my MLC wife. Thanks to the contacts I made here I was able to survive that 10 days.
I guess what I am saying is that I understand why you dont want that info on the posts and I totally respect that. If the PM's were available, then people could make their own choices without airing it publicly.
I can also say that a few of my close friends have called me, and I them as things were occurring and it helped to defuse possible bad situations.
In one instance, another poster was driving around and saw OM's car at his W's house. He called me because he wanted to stop, or even drive by the house. He had his son in the car with him. How good would that have been? Him and I talked, i rationalized with him the negatives of doing this and he made the correct choice. He has done the same for me on several occasions.
There are positives to the contact as well as negatives Virginia. I would think that Michelle would want us to have a solid support group that does have people who understand what we are trying to do in it.
What I would ask you is this, talk to Michelle, see if there is a good compromise to all that has transpired lately. She has created a magnificant site here, part of what has been great is the support systems that have been set up through emails, IM's, and phone contact.
I too have been a paying customer, I did the coaching with Chuck, bought both books, and would pay to be on here. Part of the reason why, because of the great support system I now have in place. Whether I have my computer with me, or not.....
I will echo everything Jack and Ian said, so I won't repeat a lot of it. I would like to thank Virginia for at least making an attempt to explain what is happening, rather than just deleting the posts, or locking the thread. That in itself is an improvement. I do think that it wold be wise to remember that it i the people that make the site, and not the site that makes the people, so to speak.
As with Jack, I will follow the rules, but I do not agree with them. It really believe that PMs would be perfect compromise in this situation, as there would be no personal information publicly available, and the only communication would be chosen to be accepted by the recipient, and it would be from a known source. Oh, I do have to confess, that I will not be destroying the email addresses I already know, so I am an outlaw, I guess.
First off, thanks for at least responding and letting us know that someone is reading and paying attention. Good to know that at least.
I have been on this MLC thread since early 2007. Cannot recall a single incident shared of a negative interaction due to contact off the board. Yet, as Jack and others have shared, there have been many incidents where the ability to contact friends from the board have been valuable.
If this is such a problem, why no response for the past year and a half?
I will continue to do things as I've always done them here. I continue to believe that there are positive things the staff here could be doing, rather than exercising their authority instead. Help us, don't herd us.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
