I am suprised that she is so stressed still. After all it has been a 20 month separation. But now it is final and she is in a strange house - that must contribute. She does not want to be alone right now I guess, thus her wanting the kids close.
Hey Jeff - it makes perfect sense to me! See, the notion that the stress will get all better after the divorce is based on a faulty premise - that the stress and unhappiness originated from the marriage.
Sorry to break it to ya, WAS, that ain't the case - that unhappiness came from deep inside yourself, and you can run away from your spouse, but YOU are still right there.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
These folks get what they want: the D complete with the gold seal. They should be so happy, should they not?
Jeff,
My new W and I are whipping the house into shape. My WAW ex left it in a terrible state. While cleaning out the basement, we packed some boxes and dropped them off on her porch. I took the care to put some family pictures and cards we exchanged in a plastic container. The exW sends the following:
Quote:
DO NOT BRING ANYTHING OVER HERE THAT IS NOT MINE!!! This is ridiculous. If you don't want the stuff, give it to Goodwill. Give the tapes to Goodwill. It is different if it is something from or about my family. I also don't need all of the cards and whatnot that we gave to each other over the years. Burn them or something but don't drop them off here.
One would think she would be happy we packed the things up and dropped them off at her house. She showed no gratitude.
By the way, I think she wrote the entire e-mail just to write:
Quote:
I also don't need all of the cards and whatnot that we gave to each other over the years. Burn them or something but don't drop them off here.
How dramatic! Why is SHE so upset? She got what she wanted...
Go with God,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/15/0811:00 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Do you remeber that old quote from David Lee Roth? That his ideal woman was one who .. well "went at it" all night then turned into a pizza at 4am.
OK, he was joking. But to your XW, it sounds like she wishes you were someone she can call on as a handyman round her flat, take the kids ONLY when it's convenient for her and also be there to applaud her as she gets her independence.
DLR's quote was funny, he was joking. Your XW .. well she really is in lah lah land. You are the kids DAD and always will be. If she can't understand that then she's nuts. She wanted to have her independence, to stand on her own two feet. She could have had all of that with you. You would have been willing to try, to see if there was a way the two of you could be together and still fufil her need to be more independent. But she chose not to take that option. Oh dear. Jeff, IMHO it looks as if she's going to carry on acting the brat for some time. Thankfully you're man enough to deal with her tantrums. What is it you say? Strength and honour. For SURE
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
I got a call from FIB yesterday and he got on to me for being down. He actually played his bagpipes for me over the phone. Bagpipes over a cell phone sound like ... lets just say that I expected to see a cobra rise out of a basket.
I am still in my "I don't give a sh!t" depression. I have to get out of my apartment by the end of the month and I have not even started packing. Just don't care.
The house is a disaster. I have started working on it but progress is slow b/c I am slow to work it - no motivation to. Unexpected things turn up each day and that gets me down. After pulling up the carpet, I also had to pull up some subfloor in my bedroom b/c of damage. Much of the woodwork needs to be replaced. That is the bad thing about older houses. Things should go better when I move in - save the time going back and forth between house and apartment. But I do need some furniture and a fridge. The kitchen is shot but the stove still works.
It sucks b/c I am working this alone. I guess I see the ads in the mags where H and W are covered in paint and dust sharing the job and being happy together.
I really miss my old life and I miss my kids. My daughter got the flu recently - real flu, not a bad cold. And I was not there for her. To make matters worse, Ex calls me a few days later and wants to know if I think daughter is well enough to return to school. Like I was there? How could I answer that? WTF?
Ex continues to interact as if we were still married and I am on a business trip. She calls often wanting my opinion on things. I don't mind helping but sometimes I feel used.
Our child support payments got screwed up and I had to fix. But I emailed her and said that was it - she would have to take care of any future divorce related problems. I did my part - that chapter is closed.
Another interesting thing is that Ex called my mom and asked her to come see her new house. My mom went. Mom bragged on her house and of course that made me feel bad b/c of my old broken down house. But what was really interesting is my mom said Ex told her that Ex still loved me. Maybe my mom was just hearing what she wanted to hear or that Ex was trying to be "nice" but that is something I don't need to hear.
That is about it. Work during the day and work some on the house at night and weekends. Rest of the time just lay around. Not much else going on. Don't care.
I am very lonesome right now. Not a good place to be.
Sorry to hear you are a bit down and feeling lonesome. Why don't you just sell up and go north. I'm thinking of doing that myself, I don't have anything to sell up so it might be easier for me.
I think it's normal to go through a funk of sorts now that the divorce is final.
For some time you had to work hard each day to stay on top of your game as you DB'ed your way through the ending of your marriage. All along it was not what you wanted, and part of you was always hoping that maybe it wouldn't turn out the way it was looking like it would.
Now it's done.
Suddenly there aren't those compelling forces at work each day to address. Now your issues are what color paint to buy, and how much lumber can you afford to re-do how many rooms worth of trim?
Add to that the reality of being apart from your kids AND an ex-spouse who is interested in being friends right now. It's a tricky combo Jeff.
I don't see a problem with wallowing for a bit if that's what you need to do. Hope you don't do it through the bottom of a bottle - that won't help you adjust. And I hope you don't allow it to linger for too long.
Find someone to hang out with one evening. Go catch some of the NCAA games at a sports bar with a friend. Yeah, your give a damn's busted, I get that. I won't get fixed by sitting around each night lamenting about how unmotivated you are feeling.
As for your ex...
Can't tell if you're pissed at her, still loving her, or maybe some mad combination of the two.
From my perspective (knowing that I'm not privy to the whole picture - forgive my ignorance), what's wrong with being the man she is comfortable calling on? And what if she DID tell your Mom that she still loved you? Keeping the peace doesn't have to be cold and sterile, as long as you can get over the notion that you're being used.
Personally, I think it's interesting that you are still the one she thinks to call on.
Miss you around here friend.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
