searching for the truth..for me 2

[Jeanette1120]

{{{bear}}}

I am so so sorry to hear about your Mom! I know you both must be beside yourselves with worry. It will be hard to wait until the appt but try to not worry too much. Yes your right, it doesn't really matter about the graduation right now. This is more important.

I ....well...I just want to say this OK? Don't tit for tat with the relations. Just call.....get it done and over. If your MIL cannot understand then sobeit. You've done your part.

As far as H telling everyone....I agree, they tell everyone that steps in front of them. It could be the postman, garbage man, stranger on the subway.....anyone who will listen and validate.

Your h is being hard to deal with at work huh? Not surprising either. He's on the low road of mud n muck.

You keep to the high road sweetie.

I'll keep your mother and you in my prayers.

luv ya

Jeanette

[phbear316]

Jeanette

I just got a call from the MD office, the are going to take her Thursday at 3:30pm

I know H confides in this person, he is probably his best friend right now, or the closest thing to one.

It is just stinging that the friend is telling everyone about H and I. I know this person who I saw today is a manager where h works but, I really don't think its the friends place to tell others my personal business.

I could be madder, i could be more uspet, but I am hurt. I will not, i repeat will not lower myself to confront this person, for I know and respect h so i will not call this person on the carpet. And have him go back to H to complain about what I did. I will only take the high road.

I hope people will truly see H for is true colors. Black, dark, grey.

Thanks to all for your kind thoughts and prayers.

Even thought the impending doom of divorce is looming, and my moms illness now, I will always be here for I need all of you.

Hugs
Bear

[phbear316]

Ok Jeanette

You can be proud of me, I called MIL, even though it was at home and she was not there. I did leave a message, thanking her for the birthday card and gift. And i am said i was sorry that she seems mad at me for not telling her i was in florida in Jan, told her it was a last minute get away and i did what i had to do, sorry that you are upset about it. Then went on to hope you are enjoying the warm weather down there, still chilly up here, but waiting for it to get warm.

I don't know when and if she will call back, but i did it. Was I a coward and not call her cell phone yes, but and there is always i but, the woman never turns it on. I never get her on her cell, only when she is in the hospital, no other times.

One more call down, one more to make.

You know H called before, and i so wanted to tell him about my mom, i so want to put my head on his shoulder and cry my heart out, but you know, I only felt that way for a few minutes. For H you are really not here for me anymore, you want me to go away, with my problems. You don't need me, but sure as hell need you. But you will not know that, you will not see that, and i will not tell you. I am kinda glad H is working nights all night tonight and will not be home. I think its better for me, i can cry by myself at home and he won't know the difference.


bear

[sgctxok]

W2G & SG

First thank you for imput.

I actually was thinking pros and cons about going to his graduation. Like he is my only nephew, went for niece, yrs ago. Cons difficult situation between h and i and then family and I. My scale was actually 55 to 45 in favor of not going. I just think it would be too difficult with all his family, and his family's friends there, who all got the whole story over christmas. But I had not made a final decision.

Part of me wanted to hear from my sil and bil. Is this not their son who is graduating? Were they even planning a party? I do not know this answer for on one has spoken to me since november. But he seem to know what is going on.
Since family lives in Florida, and if i recall correctly nieces party and graduation was around the same time end of May.

How would he knows i have lots of vacation time, i have been at the same place for 21 years, I get 5 weeks a year. So i don't think the time off was in issue.

Its like he almost baited me, was i supposed to jump right on that hook and say, Oh yes please h that would be wonderful thank you for asking me to go to you nephew graduation, i can tell you still like me.

Its like he went backwards over the weekend to kinda how things used to be, he even said to me sat night he had a nice night. Now monday at 445pm he books a ticket single one to florida. I looking at this like he did/does not want me to go. I think he realized what he did, and now he is just going to do what he wants and maybe i won't notice.

I am not sure i want to talk to him about it. Wouldn't that be putting pressure on him, almost now forcing him to take me. Again, i keep going back to step one, this is not his graduation, this is not his party. Not really his place to invite. How do i know bil & sil have enough tickets to take us to graduation. I don't know what my other bil is doing. When niece graduated, there were only 5 tickets given to families. So bil, sil, nephew, mil, and other bil, went to her actual graduation. SIL own mother did not go for she had no ticket.

So how are we to go to nephews if its still only 5 tickets. Same order of people going, not sure about other bil, but that only leaves one ticket. Do we fight for it. He really wants to go, than i think he should go. You opened the door, h then slammed it right back shut in my face.

I really, really, really don't want to deal with all his family and sil & bil's friends whom i have know for many years, A. feel uncomfortable, B. Know they are talking about me, C. feel left out.

Do i just call sil and force my way in. Maybe she does not know what h did? Maybe i should go, to say a final good bye to them. But i don't do good byes they are too set in stone, you don't say good bye you say see you later. Maybe this is or needs to be goodbye to his family. I don't think any of us need the stress that will come along with all this of hotel rooms, rental cars. He has a place to stay with his mom. SIL will have no room for her mother and sister and family will be with her. And i don't have the money for hotel room and rental car, airline fare, unless h is going to pay for it all.

I did not know it was a test, and since i did not jump right on the question i failed the test. Maybe silence is the right decision.

bear

Whew! Girl...step back and breathe. You are thinking waaaaaaaaay toooo much about this. His family probably told him....be sure you bring bear (to nephew's graduation).
Don't overthink this and don't miss an opportunity to be there for your nephew...no matter the crap. WHEN you get through this crisis with your H...............you will be glad you did. Done deal, book your flight.



Now...your momma....I'm really glad if there's a lump that there is pain. It is not likely to be cancerous. I'll be saying a prayer for her. But that's the problem with breast cancer and a lot of cancer's they aren't painful.

I'm a chemist, lots of women chemists get breast cancer. I don't know a single one who had pain.


Feel free to join us in the Women's Solution Network discussion groups.

sg

[Jeanette1120]

yes bear, I am very very proud of you. you made the first move, now it's in her court.

I am going to have disagree with sg. If they do not contact you, if you are not officially invited, save your airfair sweetie. The LAST thing you want to look like is a needy greedy wife showing up univited looking like your out to cause trouble. It is your nephews graduation, as much as it may hurt you, it is his special day to shine You do not need to subject yourself to that. If you are invited and want to go then go. Once again, you will be taking the high road!

I did some research on painful breast lumps. Make sure your mother has a thorough check-up bear. Painful does not always mean good news. This is something only a Doctor can diagnose.

Be good to yourself this week. You've had a tough one.

Hugs,

Jeanette

[sgctxok]

OMIGOD JEANETTE YOU DARE DISAGREE WITH ME......HOW CAN YOU ?????? AREN'T YOU AFRAID???????


Good points. I know you said your mom is getting care. Just want to relieve some worry, it USUALLY means it's ok.

On the other hand with the nephew....the highest road is to go. Unless it truly hurts you to do that.

[sgctxok]

REALLY...now I have to tell you all don't ever disagree with me again

[Jeanette1120]

I know sg....

your deleting my posts in mlc forum. it's ok tho..I always copy and paste

please do not put this crap on bears thread ok? She does not need any more stress in her life, you should understand this sg, remember you love her and us, right? What you do and say is for the best of us, right?

No commercials.

YOU HAVE MY EMAIL ADDRESS...in fact you use it quite often and of course.....I keep them is special folders

When you kill a poster......you kill someones spirit sg. You kill someones willingness to believe there is a difference in right from wrong. Instead you set the example of "Commercialism".

I was wrong. I lost so much because I was wrong.

Go ahead and delete sg, but you will not delete my beliefs nor will you delete my will to survive.

Hugs,

Jeanette

[sgctxok]

Well, you're way off base and I was kidding with you as a friend. I will stop. And when you have a friend you have to know what's confidential and what isn't.

[Jeanette1120]

Post deleted by Jeanette1120