I know what you mean about missing the imput from your spouse, but is he really even capable at this time? This was a tuff one for me, but eventually you get used to it and just do what you think is best for your child. When something is wrong or a big decision has to be made it's only natural to want to discuss it with the 1 other person in this world who should care as much as you do, but I've had to pound into my head that right now that person is gone. They never would have put their families in this position if there wasn't something terribly out of whack!
but eventually you get used to it and just do what you think is best for your child. When something is wrong or a big decision has to be made it's only natural to want to discuss it with the 1 other person in this world who should care as much as you do,
Thanks for putting it so well, and for understanding. I think I just needed to see what you said, in black & white...that my wish for input is natural, but XH is just not that guy anymore, and I have to do my best without him.
I don't know about you, but for me, having a lot of grading really is bad for my mood. It's stressful and can seem overwhelming to look at that pile of papers to be corrected. I am very busy w/ my marking right now, too, and all I want to do is sleep all the time!
My IC really does help me; do you have one in your new area?
As for my ex and the kids, I never really felt like he was much help, so I generally turn to friends or books for advice. However, he is (strangely) more involved now than when we lived together, so I will run things by him, generally via email. Why do you feel like you can't discuss things with him? If you think that it would be too hard by phone, then do it in writing. He is still your son's father, and if he can help you in raising him, it's his responsibility. And, from what you've said about him, I think it would be his pleasure to do so.
I hope your day gets better. I have 40 papers to grade for tomorrow, ACK!
Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
I don't know about you, but for me, having a lot of grading really is bad for my mood. It's stressful and can seem overwhelming to look at that pile of papers to be corrected. I am very busy w/ my marking right now, too, and all I want to do is sleep all the time!
Boy, can I relate to that! You hit the nail on the head, I look at the piles, and mentally calculate how many hours, and just want to get back in bed!
I don't know what troubles me about talking with him or emailing him...I think it is that his input "feels" kind of superficial, and like he is humoring me, more than really digging down, thinking through it, and giving options and opinions. And maybe I'm totally misinterpreting his response...
But what I'd like is for someone to provide an independent point of view, rather than just pat me on the head and say what I'm suggesting is a good idea. Does that make any sense, or am I getting crazier!
Anyway, nic, thanks for visiting and commiserating (Sp!) Good luck on your grading...ACK is right!
Don't know what grade level you teach but can you use TAs? They are life savers for me!!! I use the upperclassmen to grade the 9th grade papers and worksheets so I can save their writing (ugh...120 book reports tomorrow) for me to do.
fig, I have a TA, and I use the crap out of him when I teach undergrads, but the graduate courses are entirely essay exams, and projects. The TAs themselves are only masters students, and often haven't even taken the courses, so they can't grade essay exams.
I used to be one of those snobs who looked down on professors who gave multiple-choice exams to graduate students. But, as our graduate level classes get larger and larger, I am starting to reconsider my snobbiness! Welcome to Florida, where higher education is just like assembly line production, and "efficiency" is the only performance measure that is recognized. But I'd best not go there, the political undertones might get me in trouble.
Fig, though, you've really pushed me where I needed to go...which is to think about getting more creative in my testing, without giving up substance. I am teaching a summer course to 2nd year master's students that is supposed to be a "seminar" and has a potential enrollment of 75. Hah! I will not be grading 150, 15-page essay exams and 25 group projects in an 8 week term, I can guarantee you.
Well, guess I needed to work that out in my head. Thanks fig, for the shove.
You know nic made a valid point. We most likely did make most of the day to day decisions for our kids simply by virtue of being the parent that was around. It's the fact that not only do we not have the luxury of knowing we have someone else to fall back on and rely on, but we also can't wrap our brain around the fact our spouse is pulling himself out of the game. That was a shocker for me. I couldn't stand for a day to go by where I couldn't just pick up the phone and talk to my kids. They've chosen to miss out on their children's lives and I will never understand.
I am into year 5 1/2 since separation. It is only now (after so much damage has been done) that my ex realizes that his relationship with his children is superficial at best. My daughter went on spring break and he had no idea. He had called her the week before but he only gets answers to what he asks, not a thing more. He is the one who told me this not her. My point is that possibly down the road he will understand what he's missed and maybe he will want to be more involved but for now he's probably not going to be of much help to you.
I just want to say.....I was totally blown away last night. My my my but you do not speak like you used to Good for you my dear...good for you. You truly sound like a differnt woman!
Now, I was going to send you a link where you can get your "speedpass" renewed BUT
I just want to say.....I was totally blown away last night. My my my but you do not speak like you used to Good for you my dear...good for you. You truly sound like a differnt woman!
You are too funny. I always spoke that way, but not when I first "meet" somebody!
I think returning as a manatee has great appeal, although returning as a dog could be nice too.
Good for you my dear...good for you. You truly sound like a differnt woman! 
BUT