Thought I should start another thread...so what is the answer? Things are not going anywhere with h and I..should I even be in piecing? I don't know anymore..we are going about our lives..seperate. H seems so happy when i do see him..and I feel happy most of the time...so why would he want to come back and why would I want him??? I feel confused alot of the time...and yes sad and lonely...yet the happy times are more then the sad. If h is sitting in his apartment waiting for his love to return for me, he might be there along time if he makes no efforts.
I know the only way to get the real answers I am seeking..I just can't seem to find the courage to ask. So........... I wait I watch I smile I cry I pray I wait.......
You are not alone. I do the same thing and then when I do ask, I get the I'm not sure or no; but I will leave a place open in my heart for you. What is that! I guess it is his way of telling me that he still cares and that there is a possibility. Which is more then what he told me when this first started. He basically told me that there was no way that he could see himself ever getting his feelings back for me. Now he doesn't think that he can get past this but that he will leave the door open.
Laurie..thanks for stopping by..I see you are new...have you posted your story somewhere?? What you said about asking your h and hearing not what you really would like...but he is not totaly dismissing it all..how long have you been m, is he still at home? I see so much good that has happened these past 6 months that he has been gone...that I have a fairly high hope that he does not really want to end our m, yet another part of me tells me that because he won't make any of the moves...(like call to go out to supper when both our kids are around, a movie..whatever..) means that he does not really want to work on our r..get to know each other again..like he stated we need to do when he left. He also said he needs time and space to find himself and what he needs...soooooo..... that is why I wait. Take care and welcome
Yes, I'm new to the board. I put my story on the Newcomers board, but I seem to get more help from this forum.
Basically this is how it goes. We have been married for 10 years. We have 3 children, 11S, 7S, and 6D. We dated for about 1 year before getting married. He is still living at home right now. I'm going to move out with the kids when the D is final (hopefully it won't ever get that far). In August, 2002, when all of this started, he wouldn't even talk to me, touch me or be around me. I spent so many months apologizing for everything, changing myself, pleading and begging him to give me another chance. I thought that it was all me. Then I started doing investigating on things because his actions weren't always going along with his words.
He has been hurt, but I know that it wasn't entirely my doing. He has spent alot of time talking with the wrong people and not to mention just before he turned 35 he got really strange on me.
My H doesn't make any of the moves either, but he never stops me from making them. Does that make sense? I would have to say that your H is like mine and is a very prideful man. I don't know about yours, but mine when he makes a decision, he has a hard time changing it because that might mean he doesn't keep his word. He is kind of funny that way, but like I told him when all this started, if you change your mind about anything don't let fear or your pride stand in your way of keeping your family intact. The rest can be worked out if he decides to keep his family together.
If you want to learn more about Standing, go to www.rejoiceministries.com. That is where I first started with my standing for my marriage. It has alot of great information and along with DB, it really has helped me out. I have gotten alot of answers to prayer, alot of visions, and now with DB I have learned how to do what God has been trying to show me to do. I'm getting more knowledge and strength. I do have my days, but I also have good ones too.
Laurie..I am sure you have learned about the begging and pleading...I tried to db last spring and summer when h was still home...but it was clear that h was not even willing to think about working on r until he was able to get out of the sitch and have his own space. I think part of it is that I have done EVERYTHING in this m and home and maybe he wanted to do some things for himself...I have learned plenty to apply to our "new" m, if he decides that he wants to save it!!
Keep doing things for you...I have found such joy in doing things I never got around to..quilting..walking..joined a book club..may start a Bunco club..church stuff. H also has found this greedom to do things outside of us, something that I am afraid also contributed to our m slipping..I was very much a person who wanted him to be at home if he was not working..I don't think it was for control, but more a lack of realizing that there can be a life outside of us and our kids. Hang in there for the roller coaster rides. I found Newcomers to be too depressing, so maybe start a post here..there are many good people here..it is so uplifting to come here on a bad day and know that someone will help you sort out the problem.
Thanks, and I think that I will. I had a conversation with my H last night and have decided to totally let go. It is the hardest thing for me to do, but I realized after last night Idon't have a choice.
You are right, about being depressed. It is definitely a hard place to get out of once you are there. I realize that it isn't just your spouse that hs to take babysteps in this. I also have to take babysteps in learning how to live a life without a person that has been such a big part of my life for so long.
I didn't realize how hard of a job that is to do. I thought that finding things to do without him would be easy, but it is the mind that you can't get away from.
Thanks for your input and I'm glad to see that there are so many people that have made it as far as they have. Makes you see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks Kaw for the visit..I was going to respond over on your thread..glad your wife is feeling better..sounds like she is definately up and down with feelings and emotions. That can be tough to handle in a healthy m..I give you much praise for your continued patience.. The fact that she wants you around her says something..practically pinning you down!!!
Our kids are doing ok..our d talks to her dad..about $$ and her unbalanced bank account..son does not say too much..does not call him(kinda like father like son as far as making the first move!)Both kids were not working tonight so we all went to eat..h did ask son if he wanted to see Xmen movie(son works at theatre so they can get in free)..so they are going later. H called me at work about going to his moms for Mothers Day..and helping her in her yard. I decided last night I maybe have to really stop calling him..i do maybe once or twice a week.It does not seem to be driving him further away..but i feel torn on if it is pursueing him and not letting him have his space. He took some of our computer games and i asked if he had a computer..duh..he does. I went outside and had tears because i feel if he's spending the $ on a computer when we have a fairly new one here..then he probably is not intending to come back..I know...I am assuming again. I may bite the bullet and bring up some kind of talk about us. I really would like to get out of this house..for many reasons..and thought if I approach him on maybe thinking about selling it..I also know if we don't ever get back that I cannot afford to live on my own without his financial help. I just don't know..I am weepy right now and I know that is not the time to try and talk without sounding needy. Mothers day is a very sad day for me, my mother has been gone 22 years, yet this day is still so sad. Guess I am finding excuses why I should not bring up our r.
I don't think the calls are pursuing. He isn't backing off. Just monitor and if not right you'll know. Glad you had dinner as a family.
I know what you mean about being sad. I miss my mother also. She has been gone 22 tears in June and I miss her everyday. I wish she were here to comfort me. I know things wouldn't look so bad if she were here.
I felt sad and betrayed when H bought new stuff for his apartment but I just came to terms with it. It wasn't worth me getting really upset about. In the end when they come home we can somehow use the stuff or give it away.
