My story, please help

[GavinO]

By the way she still said she didn't love me and she still wants a divorce.

[GavinO]

Update and some advice please,

W did a girls night with some of our mutual friends last night and then went on to a party afterwards where she smoked maruana and got drunk really quickly, threw up and got put to bed by one of her girlfriends.

Saw her this evening and sat with her for about an hour and a half, we chatted nicely and laughed some, she told me about the party last night and a possible new job thing on Tuesday.

Her parents are away for a week on holiday and she said that she is going to stay there On Wed and maybe Thur with some workfriends and smoke maruana. She is out this evening with some friends and going for an indian maybe, said she won't be back late. She did some of my washing (for a change), I also made her some toast.

She got changed to go out and I told her she looked nice, she said that she had lost weight and bizzarely said that she might fit into her wedding dress again?!?!?!??!

Incidentally she said that she cannot party with 20 year olds as she is knackered, and she looks tired and has been tired for ages, she did nothing today apart from lay on the sofa, watch telly and doze (she told me, I was out).

She only mentioned briefly about noting things down for spliting up the house for the divorce and mentioned something about us being 'split up'

She also offered me breakfast in the morning?

It seems that we are getting a bit friendlier which is good but I want it to move up a few gears (not up to me I know)

The thing I find really upsetting is that she does not seem to care about the 'fact' we are getting a divorce, she is acting a bit like a teenager and does not seem to care that we are MARRIED and what we have done together. She seems to want to chuck it all in to live at her parents WTF!!!!!!!

It is really hard and difficult to know which way it is going? she is my wife and I love her and want to do things with her, be intimate, sleep with her(sex) and stay in the same bed as her.

I have improved myself in many ways, physically, emotionally, mentally and I am ready to move forward as a great HUSBAND and partner.

How do these things go, does anyone have a rough idea? there has been no physical contact for 7 weeks and we have had seperate bedrooms, there has been no inclination so far on her part to even try with our marriage and relationship.

Since I have backed off and started focussing on me, she has approached me more and we have been able to spend some nice time together? am I doing the right thing? how do I (if i can) move it onto the next stage?

What do I do, how do I do it? are things going ok? How do I get my wife back?

Any advice appreciated

Thanks

Gavin

[GavinO]

Bump,

Any suggestions welcome

[GavinO]

Bump

[WeldingGuy]

"You" can't really move it along. You'll have to just keep up the PMA and working on improving yourself. Be the person she will WANT to be with.

For what its worth, that will probably include watching her find for herself that partying and acting like a kid again are actually self-destructive behaviours. IF she asks, you might be able to suggest that she might not have to spend the whole day hungover if she didn't party so hard, but bringing it up yourself will be seen as pushing.

Long and bumpy road...and a real pain in the a$$ to watch. But you are doing the right things, just keep it up. Keep coming here to vent, and keep acting 'as if" everything is just fine....

[GavinO]

Had breakfast together this morning and she started to make a list of everything so it can be divided up for the divorce.

We spoke for a while (me mainly) and there is NO MOVEMENT AT ALL, she is not willing to give it another go, not willing to do anything at all, she wants the divorce and that is it, she is not interested in anything else, there is absolutely no give whatsoever. Not interested.

WTF!!!

[GavinO]

Anyone else had a W that had no want or interest at all in saving the marriage and relationship? No remorse, no upset (so it seems) no possible regrets, nothing??

Maybe I pushed a bit much a bit soon?

All over me not paying her any attention for the last year (rather less and less attention (unintentionally))even marriages where there is physical abuse, affairs and such like seem to get more of a chance than I am getting, I have said that we should be able to get over this and have a stronger relationship but she is not giving at all.

Anyone been in a similar situation? and how did you turn it around? I am committed to saving the relationship but it does take 2 she is set on it and regards our marriage and relationship as over? Falling at the first hurdle?

*^*(ing hell!

Advice really appreciated, I do not want to give up but what do I do??!

[GavinO]

Pushed too much yesterday hate it when you backslide.
Told her to move out to her parents, which she may do don't want that as I said it in pain and frustration, at least if she is at home then there is communication.

W did flag issues a few times over the last year, I though that they were just normal arguements that couples have

She said she has got nothing left and doesn't want to try any more

Just want one last chance now i really see!!

[GavinO]

Definately think I messed up yesteday too much pressure and chasing aarrggghhh.

There were some small positives but i think I have undone them. Have to start again I think.

Noticed today that she has removed me as a friend on Facebook

I think she has set her mind on Divorce and the only thing I can do is go along with it and try the LRT.

I kick myself for not noticing the signs/paying attention/Listening for making silly mistakes that I could have avoided that seems to have cost me the girl I love and cost her the man she loved. She loved me dearly, though it looks like it has all gone, I love her dearly and still do.

I wish and still wish that mine can be a success story, I still don't want to give up hope, please all pray for me.

[germ04]

Anyone else had a W that had no want or interest at all in saving the marriage and relationship? No remorse, no upset (so it seems) no possible regrets, nothing??

Gavin,
I am having the same problem. The only good thing is that your W is talking. I have not talked to my W for 3 months. She has started lesbian R, won't talk and is accusing me of physical abuse in court papers that she actually did to me while she was drunk. I also think she has started drinking much more. Alcoholism runs in her family. That sad part is I still love her. It hurts me everyday to drive by her work. I don't know what to say to encourage you but just don't give up if thats what you want. But to be honest, it sounds like she is an addict in some ways to weed. She probably will not change until she hits rock bottom.