Theoden, I can promise you I won't do numbers 1-4, but #5 crying will be hard for me. I am the type to cry at those Hallmark card commercials, so that will be a challenge, but I will try. If I start I'll just have to dash into my room or something. I will be there with the kids, so H can feel the weight. I don't think he will realize it all until then; I think he has just been focused on the good stuff like being with OW. I did plan to do fun stuff with the kids all afternoon and evening and just being together I think will be good.
LWB, I feel the same way as you do, I do want H to be happy, b/c he doesn't seem happy right now, and hopefully this will do it for him as he believes. And it's really not been healthy for the kids and I to have him around the way he is acting, so I think it will be good for us as well (that's what I am telling myself).
Last night, H went to OW's and got home at almost 8:30, then was somewhat snotty to me, and seemed depressed. You would think he would want to spend more time with his kids this last week at home than OW, but no. Tonight he goes out until midnight, so Friday will be his last night with the kids (I'll be at rehearsal).
I realized afterwards that last night was our last night together, well that hour we spent together, and then I went to bed before him. It was depressing being around him, and this is kind of how it goes: I was telling him I just found out that for some of the quick costume changes during the play we won't have time to go to the dressing room, but will have to change backstage in front of everyone in the cast, guys and girls. I don't mind changing in front of women at all, but feel a little weird about changing in front of guys, even though they are friends. I told H about that and H said something like Yeah, I had to do that when I did a play, no big deal, you just have to get over that in a snotty voice like he thought I was weird to be thinking like that. But I think most women my age would be thinking like that!!!
I was in a good mood before he got home, but after spending an hour with him was totally depressed. I understand why he is distant with me after being with OW, but don't really get why he is snotty and depressed when he will be moving in with her in a few days. You'd think he'd be walking around happy! I accidentally walked into the room unexpectedly last night one more time before going to bed and he was texting OW again, which he does almost nonstop now (I don't think he can control himeself). Hopefully, moving in with her will help him control that, cause I wonder how he even does his job now (probably not really well!).
I saw my C today which was great and just cried the whole hour which I probably needed. I am going to try to focus on just the play and not H during rehearsals the next 3 days, and it will be over hopefully before I know it. At this point, I think I just kind of want this to be over with!!! Karen
I accidentally walked into the room unexpectedly last night one more time before going to bed and he was texting OW again, which he does almost nonstop now (I don't think he can control himeself). Hopefully, moving in with her will help him control that...
Hmm...how about looking at it from a different angle? It's possible that OW is sending the first TM. Perhaps it's her way of keeping in contact with your H to control him. She knows he's there at home with YOU, and not her. She's got her own agenda, kwim? She's looking out for what SHE wants, and no one else.
Something tells me he's going to get very tired of it one day.
(((((Karen)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
GF, I think H is addicted to her though b/c he checks frequently to see if OW has texted him. I don't think he even realizes he does that at this point it's such a habit for him. I don't know what OW's motivation is for the constant messaging, but think it is rude of her when H spends so little time with the kids, and then she has to text him whatever time he does spend with them.
I do think OW's probably a little worried about me b/c H has probably told her I've made every change he's ever wanted plus more. I've lost tons of weight, etc. She probably is nervous. But yet I am sure he will be moving out tomorrow b/c he says I made the changes too late (because he has now met the perfect woman is that what he means???). I do think it will be interesting to see what happens with their affair now that it will be "real" and not just texting and hotel visits.
I will still be seeing H even when he moves out b/c he will have to visit the kids here on the weekend because he will be living with OW. So we will see...I think I will be OK no matter what happens. I do hope H doesn't file for divorce right away which I have a feeling will be the next thing OW will be pressuring H to do. First I think she pressured or encouraged him to move out, and then once he does that, I think she will start pressuring or encouraging him to file for divorce. Hopefully H will get tired of her trying to control him, but since I am the complete opposite maybe that is what he is looking for in a relationship now? Karen
I think I will be OK no matter what happens. I do hope H doesn't file for divorce right away which I have a feeling will be the next thing OW will be pressuring H to do. First I think she pressured or encouraged him to move out, and then once he does that, I think she will start pressuring or encouraging him to file for divorce. Hopefully H will get tired of her trying to control him, but since I am the complete opposite maybe that is what he is looking for in a relationship now? Karen
Karen- A few responses to your comments, questions.
Yes, lady you will be OK no matter what happens. It will hurt and I'm sure not be easy, but in the end, you'll be ok. Yeah, OW will probably pressure him on some things. Don't be so sure that your H is looking for someone who is controlling. He might be someone whose not really sure what he wants. If she is controlling, it might be too much control. My H was married before. His ex was VERY controlling. I, am not. He's not happy with either one. He felt she was too controlling, yet he claims to have no respect for me because he does what he wants, when he wants. It's not that I have never said my peace, I just didn't want to rock the boat because I could see him getting angry when I would. He wasn't happy either way. I don't think any man truly will want to be controlled. Your H probably already feels "controlled" because he has a W & kids. Does that make sense?
And who knows what your H has told OW about your changes. He may not have said anything. Just him being at the house with you is enough to probably bother her. He says your changes are too late, but yet he acknowledges them.
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. You and the kids.....and even your H are in my thoughts and prayers.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this. I have been following your story and I can relate to your sitch in many ways.
I am not sure that I can offer much advice as my sitch continues to get worse by the day regardless of what I do whether proper DBing or praying or whatever else.
Other than detaching and focusing on you and the kids. In the end we can't do anything about how our H's feel right now other than respect it as we would a friend of ours. Which is terribly hard to do because so many of H's choices affect you and the children. Respect his choice, be strong for yourself and the children.
I think our H's get caught up in the thought of life being so much better if they leave their current sitch. Once reality sets in...then the truth be told about whether or not they were right or wrong.
This process can be painful for all involved, but the bottom line is to always follow what you feel is right for you and the kids. The rest will fall into place!!!!
My heart goes out to you!
M 37 H 37 Married 2yrs (together 7yrs) Son 4yrs old and H has Daughter 11 yrs old H involved with OW since Jan 08 and still seeing OW Still under same roof, but H spending more time with OW as time goes on
I think it's starting to really hit me finally that H is leaving tomorrow. I'm feeling so depressed and cranky (with the kids). You know it's bad when you can't stand to be around yourself !!! I've got rehearsal tonight so maybe that will help. But I have to act a lot, have a lot of lines tonight, so I'm not looking forward to that b/c I think my mind won't be on it. I just feel like I want to go to bed and cry for the next day or two, but can't with the kids, the play, and not wanting H to know I feel this way! Karen
!!! I've got rehearsal tonight so maybe that will help. But I have to act a lot, have a lot of lines tonight, so I'm not looking forward to that b/c I think my mind won't be on it. I just feel like I want to go to bed and cry for the next day or two, but can't with the kids, the play, and not wanting H to know I feel this way! 
Karen