He comes home and tells D8 he was at his girlfriend's (so OW is apparently already moved out of her H's and into the new apartment H will be moving into next week) and had dinner there so wouldn't have the dinner D8 and I had made!
He tells your daughter this? Absolutely nasty and cruel.
It also tell us he's so far gone, he has no conscience.
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and H commented on how I am failing on my responsibilities again. I told him I had the flu so that was why I was late with the bath and she only got to bed a few minutes late anyway. I was up half the night sick with flu after that! I can't get over how he will comment on my failing with responsibilities right after he has spent a huge chunk of time with OW totally avoiding them completely!!!
More cruelty. But add to it malice. He's probably trying to build a case in his own mind, as well as perhaps documenting it, that you were "failing as a mom". Be careful. Make sure you keep your own journal of what happends AND when he's out of the house.
When he moves in with OW, your stress will drop. This will give you time to get your groove back.
Thanks everyone for all the posts! I was busy this weekend! Theoden, I am not too worried about anything H can say about my mothering, I have been documenting H's habits/hours as you suggest and he is moving out and in with OW so I think he will have a hard time in court getting anywhere with a "bad mother" argument. At this point, he is so focused on OW he doesn't seem to care much about child custody as well (but I am still documenting just in case!)
Saturday I did a 3 hour dance rehearsal! and then painted the sets for 5 or so hours after lunch with my S14. The only crimp in my day was when H showed up at 4:00 and said one of us had to come home to watch D8 b/c he had to go (see OW and spend the night). You'd think he'd want to spend the time with his kids his last weekend with them, but no. I was also upset b/c he came into my "sanctuary" which the theatre has been for me where I go to get away from H and all his mess.
I was taping up seams with my back to him when he showed up and just kept my back to him and kept taping when he was there. My S14 yelled Me, me and was thrilled to leave early after his 3 hours of painting and practically ran out of there, but for some reason H wanted me to acknowledge him or something, and he kept saying, Karen did you hear me? I have to leave now. a couple times, so then I turned around and just kind of mumbled, Yeah, bye. Probably did not follow DB protocol here, but I mean does he expect me to say "Have fun with OW? or something?
Sunday had a lot of positives DB wise for me I think. I was having a really good PMA day, feeling strong and happy for some reason. I did about 5 hours of cleaning, I mean even the walls and light fixtures! H has been nit-picking (I think it was GF who told me about this) and finding stuff to complain about, and there is nothing at this point for him to find! I have lost all extra weight (40-45 pounds) and with the 3 hour dance workouts am in pretty good shape. When we are together like yesterday, we are usually laughing and joking and having a good time.
Yesterday he bought us both fast food lunches, not a big deal, but something he hasn't done in several months for me, as a sign of his separation from me. He also took me out to dinner with the kids, something else he stopped doing a month or two ago. He told me he was proud of all the changes I've made in my life, he wishes I'd made them earlier, but it's still good I've made them now. He also said he would watch D8 during all my play performances at least 6-12 while D14 and I and working on the play.
The negatives are that after about 2 months of him not texting OW in front of me, he started doing that again yesterday. I have to believe he is trying to maybe push me away or create a fight with me which would help with his guilt, which I just don't want to do. I would like him to feel 100% of the guilt as I think he should when he moves out this Saturday. Karen
]H has been nit-picking (I think it was GF who told me about this)...
I confess - That was me!
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... but for some reason H wanted me to acknowledge him or something, and he kept saying, Karen did you hear me? I have to leave now. a couple times, so then I turned around and just kind of mumbled, Yeah, bye.
I LOVE IT!!! Probably not proper DB etiquette, but still - I love it!
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The negatives are that after about 2 months of him not texting OW in front of me, he started doing that again yesterday. I have to believe he is trying to maybe push me away or create a fight with me which would help with his guilt, which I just don't want to do.
Good for you! It sucks that he's doing this again, but I'm very happy to hear that you're in control of your reactions and not letting H get the better of you. Way to go, Karen!
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I would like him to feel 100% of the guilt as I think he should when he moves out this Saturday.
He may not act like it or feel it on Saturday, but trust me, hon. He will someday. He's letting go of the best thing he's ever had. You.
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Aw, thanks GF! I don't know about that, but I do know H doesn't appreciate me much for some reason, and since he hasn't dated much and never lived with another woman, maybe it will be a good experience for H.
My D8 lost another tooth right in front, and she told me today that H asked her why she didn't tell him but me? He wasn't around at the time of course, so I became the "tooth fairy" that night. It sounds like he was a little miffed he was left out, but I would think he needs to realize that this will happen a lot in the future when he moves out in FOUR DAYS!!!
My H kissed D8 on the head and said ILY when he left for work this am. I then kissed her also and said ILYtoo. She said I love you Mom and Dad too, even though he is moving out to spend most of his time with his girlfriend!" Okay, I didn't know what to say to that--it is the truth so I didn't want to tell her a lie, I didn't know what to say to that, so I said nothing.
Been keeping busy as usual with the play, now they have us dancing & singing every night, teaching the kids, cleaning, etc. Although H will be going soon I feel surprisingly strong and OK. Karen
Karen- You sound very strong. Like it or not, it will still probably be hard when he actually leaves. We'll be here for ya!
I'm not sure if you saw my thread or not. Joie commented on how far apart on the spectrum our sitchs are. Your H is out in the open about things and you know what's going on. My H is very, very secretive about things and although I know a bit about what's in the works, I haven't gotten it from him.
I'm proud of you and amazed by you for how you are able to keep up with your kids and do all the things you're doing. You are a strong woman.
Take care-
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
but for some reason H wanted me to acknowledge him or something, and he kept saying, Karen did you hear me? I have to leave now. a couple times, so then I turned around and just kind of mumbled, Yeah, bye. Probably did not follow DB protocol here, but I mean does he expect me to say "Have fun with OW? or something?
I love it, that was great!
Originally Posted By: karen43
Sunday had a lot of positives DB wise for me I think. I was having a really good PMA day, feeling strong and happy for some reason. I did about 5 hours of cleaning, I mean even the walls and light fixtures! H has been nit-picking (I think it was GF who told me about this) and finding stuff to complain about, and there is nothing at this point for him to find! I have lost all extra weight (40-45 pounds) and with the 3 hour dance workouts am in pretty good shape. When we are together like yesterday, we are usually laughing and joking and having a good time.
You go girl! You are awesome. Right now your H is trying to figure out "who is this person and what has she done with my wife that made me so miserable". Keep up with the changes not for him, but for yourself, he will notice it! Talk about a PMA, you've got it!
By the way the way he so nonchalantly talks about his OW in front of your kids, ooooohhhh that makes me sick!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
It's important that you be able to tell them the truth (an affair is wrong, adultery is wrong) without totally villanizing their father.
In other words, I think it's helpful to say, "We all love Dad, even though he's making some very wrong choices."
And if you haven't talked to you daughters about the moral import of your husband's decisions, now's the time. I don't think having them grow up in an "I'm OK, your OK".
I LOVE IT!!! Probably not proper DB etiquette, but still - I love it! 
He's letting go of the best thing he's ever had. You. 
I don't know about that, but I do know H doesn't appreciate me much for some reason, and since he hasn't dated much and never lived with another woman, maybe it will be a good experience for H.
Karen
