Your husband sounds depressed to me. You shouldn't take his depression personally.
I don't. I know it's not just me he treats this way. But I can't NOT recognize what it does to this family.
I hate to be blunt, but does your husband contribute finanically to the household? Yes, that seems to be the one thing he does do and thinks he should get an A at being a good husband because of it does this help allow you to be a good mom and take care of things? yes and no. Being a good mom isn't about being able to spend money on your kids buying them toys and things. It's about making sure they are taken care of emotionally, physically and able to be a kid, having fun with them, entering their world once in a while to help teach them to learn in the real one etc. How would this change if you were divorced? let's see...during our seperation and tentative d...h still payed the bills and took out the trash. I did as I do now...everything else. Sure there'd be adjustments to make but I don't see us suddenly having to move to a 1br apt because of d Wouldn't it make it harder to study and focus on grad school? No! Infact it may make it easier to study and focus because I wouldn't have him and his issues in my face on a regular basis. These are things you should consider.... I'm trying to consider everthing...I still haven't reached a point where I'm ready to make a move...other than my going back to school and truly focussing on me in bigger ways. The volunteering, various book clubs and social groups I've had to keep me busy and distracted aren't enough anymore and really never were. I need to work on getting myself where I want to be...I need to grow.
What I intended in my post is that I'm starting to feel like I'm at the edge of the cliff...I'm either going to sit there forever or soon when I'm sure I can survive the jump and swim I'll do so.
LL
When did the EA end? roughly 6 years ago but I'm not certain of that either
Definitely being a good mom isn't about money. It's about time. Do you work full-time? As a single mom would you have to work more, or would you be able to reduce hours? As a single mom going to school wouldn't your life be work, grad school, possible dating so you don't feel "lonely," and then kids. That sounds like a lot to juggle....
Hummm.... you mentioned it would be easier to study and focus because you wouldn't have your husband and his issues in your face on a regular basis... but on the other hand you mentioned that he spends more time with the dog than with you and other members of the family? To me it sounds like you may have a quite a bit of independence in your marriage (?)..... I think an independent-type marriage might allow you more time for school.
Although..... divorce with H having half or full custody would definitely give you plenty of time for school.... that might be something to consider.
Wow, how do you have time for volunteering, reading books and social groups??? You probably do need some changes. School and working out at the gym will be good. Do you know if you've gone through MLC yet (I did... I think I still am in it!!! Sometimes I'm still acting like I'm 16 again ).
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Definitely being a good mom isn't about money. It's about time. Do you work full-time? I have been a stay at home mom for the past almost 9 years) As a single mom would you have to work more, or would you be able to reduce hours?I'd probably have to work some which is why I want to get my masters...the BS that I have makes me employable but not for decent money As a single mom going to school wouldn't your life be work, grad school, possible dating so you don't feel "lonely," and then kids. That sounds like a lot to juggle....
Hummm.... you mentioned it would be easier to study and focus because you wouldn't have your husband and his issues in your face on a regular basis... but on the other hand you mentioned that he spends more time with the dog than with you and other members of the family? To me it sounds like you may have a quite a bit of independence in your marriage (?)..... I think an independent-type marriage might allow you more time for school.
because he has more of a r with the dog than the humans here...there is an independance but not the good kind. What I meant was the distraction of his issues would not be here. I can't currently rely on him to take on responsibilities with the house or kids (and that wouldn't change even if I were working) so it's more of a mental "time" and "space" issue. If he's not here I don't have to think about the issues he brings to the table.
Although..... divorce with H having half or full custody would definitely give you plenty of time for school.... that might be something to consider. He would likely have no custody...at best it would be a vist one or two nights during the week and maybe one weekend day and honestly that would be way more time than he's putting in now
Wow, how do you have time for volunteering, reading books and social groups??? You probably do need some changes. School and working out at the gym will be good. by going back to school and then working I'll be cutting down on the volunteering and minimalizing the social activities to those that are the most rewarding
Do you know if you've gone through MLC yet (I did... I think I still am in it!!! Sometimes I'm still acting like I'm 16 again ). I don't think so but you never know.
Wow, how fortunate you are to have been a stay-at-home-mom. I know so few moms who are able to do that. Your children are very lucky to have had you at home during those years! H may be a cold depressed fish, but he did give you that gift. One thing to be thankful for....
Yes, as a single mom you will have to work. The courts tend to push that, but I think working would probably be good for you. It will bring a positive change in your life and new meaning.
How old are your children?
Regarding MLC, most people don't realize it until after they've been through it. It's something you look back at and some people can define it while others just figure it's part of the process. Even as adults we go through typical stages of life like infants and young children. For example, MLC is sort of like a toddler going through the "terrible twos." Also, some people breeze though certain stages while others struggle. I've watched a few friends go through MLC. It's kind of fascinating to see and I'm always very curious about the end result. How they view the whole thing afterward.
Well, it does sound like you've thought things through. What's your first step? Do you plan to move out or file first?
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
H may be a cold depressed fish, but he did give you that gift. One thing to be thankful for....
I am thankful for that! My children are thankful for that!
.
How old are your children? S will be 9 soon and DD is 6
Well, it does sound like you've thought things through. What's your first step? Do you plan to move out or file first? Slow down! This is LL your talking to...the one who's always ready to move but doesn't. First steps will have nothing to do with D they will be about me. 1. getting into a routine of going to the gym and trying to be more healthy 2. visiting potential grad school programs, making a decision and submitting applications.
Yes, that's wise to line your ducks up first. But, keep in mind, life is short. Also, D can be brutal on kids entering adolescence (Jr. High is bad enough!!!). You might want to get the ball rolling soon.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
).