Glad to see you here but not so happy to see that you are struggling again.
Maybe a good start before facing the big bad wolf of goal setting would be to go back to the basics and remind yourself of what IS good in your m and your family. That after all it is what got you going on a positive spin way back when. If you can list what you and h are already doing right then the where you would like to get to wont seem as far away.
Hang in there...You've got something worth working on,
I'm asking because my BFF just told me that she's off of wheat. She was feeling SO tired all the time, and her skin was breaking out really badly. This has been going on for years. Her doctor said that he is mildly allergic to wheat and had those same symptoms, so she stopped eating it for a while. The difference was obvious in one day. Then she went back on it to see if the wheat was really the bad guy--and it was.
So rule out the physical stuff while you're setting your goals. You're tough enough to do this, woman.
5. He doesn't get my full attention at home even when it's just the two of us. By the time we get time together in the evening I just want to curl up and relax or read (or try to clean the house or get stuff done for tomorrow, etc.). Gone are the days when I would sit in rapt attention for him.
Girl please. Those details are not as important. If you don't have the affair with your H, eventually, someone else will.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
OK I s*&k that I post and run. Honestly, the word "run" at the time was not a misnomer...I was thinking "I need to be DB'ing" and was paralyzed...when did THAT happen??? Sigh. In the long run, though, I guess I was doing ok because h had a major job-related meltdown of epic proportions a week or so ago...back to ranting, raving, telling me he was going to quit his job the next day, completely screwed up some very important (really) plans of mine...but all I learned DB'ing reminded me to keep my mouth shut, keep my stress level to myself, etc. etc. The next day he surprised me with flowers and told me that I had had every chance to rail at him and hurt him in retaliation and I didn't...that I knew how vulnerable he was and didn't take advantage...I guess I do know what I'm doing after all.
I think of posting multiple times a day. I honestly don't know what the heck keeps me from it...yah, time, but it feels like more than that...I think it's fear...of going back to how it was and reliving it all. He said something yesterday that reminded me of "then" and I ached from remembering it. Also, a friend of mine just went through his wife having an EA (it appears that they are on the mend) and it was just so painful to hear his hurt. Painful but productive, actually.
SG, I KNOW I need to romance h. I truly know that. I need to actually do it, however.
AMD, it HAS been a while since the checkup...I will say that I just started exercising again and it appears to making a huge difference in my mood so you are right on!
LL...you are a wise woman! Yup, I'm goal oriented, but listing positives is really what got me off many a DB plateau...here goes...
1. I truly believe that h and I have a solid foundation based on our history together but also on the hard work we did rebuilding our marriage.
2. QT = good times for us. Spending time together WORKS.
3. Despite the proverbial "terrible twos", every day with Charlotte is better, more fun, and slightly easier on us.
4. We know what works for us even if we don't always do it.
5. I built up an enormous amount of goodwill DB'ing.
6. I do believe that my h, in general, feels accepted by me.
7. H is a good man, who wants to be appreciated and loved and knowing that I can make him see it is so.
8. I am SO MUCH less reactive now than I was pre-DBing.
9. Once I get past whatever blind spot is tripping me up, I can almost always see the issue right away.
10. I've got oodles of Db'ing experience...that can only help. :-)
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I'm here...I wouldn't say there's much (any) friskiness going on at home...that is our biggest problem right now to be sure...but things are definitely much, much better. A lot of it is simply the passage of time and that Charlotte is getting older and in many ways, easier to handle (of course, there is that "tantrum as only a 2.5 YO can throw" side of her...). h and I are definitely acting as much more of a team than we were in the early days of having her around. :-) I see light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to try to be around more...we'll see how that works out! And I definitely need to hang out in the SSM area to see what tips they have :-)
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
