I have a DV protection order, yet I get to see my kids twice a week. I can see them, but I cannot telephone them. I cannot email them. (Because that is somehow dangerous?)
I cannot phone their mom to ask that they have their bathing suits when I pick them up, because.... somehow that is dangerous or threatening. I cannot ask that they be ready for a hike, because that would somehow be violent.
The justice system is an idiot.
The justice system has declared that I must continue to pay the mortgage, as well as $4000 in support, as well as pay minimum credit card payments on credit cards that we ran up jointly. That leaves... let me see... negative $2000 for me, every month. Now can the justice system please explain exactly how I will pay minimum credit card payments with money I do not have? Will the justice system please explain how I am to continue working productively when I have no home to live in, no money to live on?
The justice system agrees with the petitioner that she is "unable to find work" though we live in the lowest unemployment metro area in the nation.
The justice system is an idiot.
Excuse me, but what is my incentive to continue working, under these terms? Work my arse off all week, for what? To have no home? No money? I can get that.. for no work at all!!
What is my incentive to NOT check myself into an insane asylum?
The justice system is an freaking idiot.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
SPM, you are right. It's ridiculous and it sucks all the way around. It makes no sense at all. It makes you just want to scream. It's stupid, stupid, stupid!
You cannot check into an insane asylunm because your kids need you now more than ever. So, what are you going to do?
I'm sorry you are down, my friend. I'm back in Seattle and I think we may head to Bellevue for dinner and drinks tonight. I'll have my cell if you are interested.
As for the courts, they suck. The only person who made out on Thursday was your W b/c she didn't have to admit she is way out of whack here. You have to allow yourself to be down, but get back up as soon as you can b/c you will be the one who comes out on top.
The legal system sucks. The entire thing is crazy, but I agree w/ Ellie that the judge has to cover her rear and that is why they did the parenting evaluation. Remember, the evaluation will eventually work out in your favor.
I'm really sorry, bud. I really am. I can understand where you are b/c we are swimming in similar ponds right now and I too am growing tired, tired, tired of the game. We both have to stay the course, be patience, and stay strong for our kids as well las for ourselves.
Check with your attorney and a father's right's group on this, but it seems to me, if you are being asked to pay more than you make, then the overage should be paid out of assets that would likely be split in the divorce - thus decreasing your ultimate liability by half, no? For instance - if she would be likely to get half of your 401 K, spending that down to cover these expenses would decrease what she would get. Better yet would be to spend down other savings. Worst would be to put it into debt in your own name - debt that might be claimed as "yours alone" since you acrued it after the separation.
I am so sorry. This does not sound right at all. How can you pay more than you make. It doesn't sound right at all. Maybe you need another L or something. This makes noe sence.
Take care of your kids man! This is nuts but it will pss. You will get your day in court and the cream always comes to the top.
Ah! Can the kids call me themselves? Well, they can, yes. But I will BE ARRESTED IF I SPEAK WITH THEM.
!!!! According to the DVPO, I may not speak to them. Even if my wife or my kids reach out to me, I may not communicate with them.
That make sense to you?
Listen, I am still dealing with MLC but I am no longer really focused on divorce busting. Right now I am focused on surviving the onslaught. I am in waaaaay over my head, it seems. The legal deck is stacked against dads.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
What it looks like to me is your wife is being very well coached here, probably by her lawyer. Leaving the house was a huge mistake on your part but what is done is done. The protection order wasnt done because so is afraid of you it was to tarnish your character. She wanted you to signup for the abuser/anger class because that would reflect badly on you too. Follow what they have ordered to a T, despite how absurd it is. The parenting evaluation should help sway thing back in your favor but dont do anything stupid right now. Quit calling her friends, as this does look controlling on your part. Pretty much you need to pretend your wife doesnt even exists right now because right now she doesnt. You are dealing with a money grubbing, lying, cheating woman that USED to be your wife.
At some point I expect she will wake up and realize how badly she has acted. That is when it will be up be up to you to decide if you really want her back. Divorce sucks, I know. But maybe getting this woman out of your life isnt such a bad thing, it surely isnt when she is acting like this.
My gut feeling is that you feel like you have somehow failed your family if you cant somehow make this all work out in the end. Your end may not turn out how exactly you had hoped. But would a divorced dad with 50/50 access to your kids really be such a bad thing?
SPM, none of it makes sense, really. Do what you have to in order to get through this. Take it one step at a time. Get as much information as you can. Right now, concentrate on the parent evaluation. Don't get ahead of yourself. You can do this, I know you can. Breathe, and pray. Come here to vent. We are all here for you.
Listen, I am still dealing with MLC but I am no longer really focused on divorce busting. Right now I am focused on surviving the onslaught. I am in waaaaay over my head, it seems. The legal deck is stacked against dads.
Exactly right! - you should put aside all the DBing and focus on fighting for your rights.
I saw my brother go through this mess and believe me, it was stacked against the father. I can say that as his boy became older (14), the mother/son relationship deteriorated to the point where the mother hit him and my brother was able to obtain full custody. As of now, his son is serving in the air force and his ex-W is virtually a vegetable from all of the substance abuse and hatred she has held since the divorce 18 years ago.
Be patient and try to lose the anger against the messed up system as you will need to be calm and collected for the parenting evaluation.
We are all here for you and rooting that justice finally prevails.
