My story, please help

[saffie]

I wouldn't ask her again but I would keep it in mind.

Have you asked her what the hurry is to D?

[GavinO]

No i havn't actually, just asked why D and get the 'dont want to try again, no love left in me, no future together, I'm the problem, I'm a git' etc.

Basically she wants to offload her life and get on with it (living at parents etc) Which is not who she is.

Last year we got the house extended (July to September/Oct) and we got a new suite in Oct. As people have pointed out that is not the actions of someone who is in a failing relationship and planning on a divorce.

Os is it?!?

[saffie]

No, I don't think it is but then nothing is certain. However it does indicate that something has made her feel this way fairly suddenly so I can't help but go back to the feeling that there may be someone else involved.

[GavinO]

Any suggestions as to what I do?

I want to save our marriage but she is so focussed and obsessed with destroying everything (including her parents and everyone else)

A good friend of both of us I spoke with yesterday (she said she went to see him and she told me she saw him) and he said that he hates it but I should give up and sort my own future out. I asked him if there was someone else & he said that he doubted it, she said she has had offers but is not interested in it.

aaarrrggg what is going on and why, why the absolute determination to divorce, the refusal to sort it out. MC or a split or a 2nd chance have all been ignored in favour of D.

[saffie]

Gavin,

i am sure you will find out in time. All I can advise is that you carry on with the changes you have made - after all they are to help you first and foremost and if they show your W that she should be reconsidering her course of action then that is a plus.

Don't dwell on is there another person - I just mentioned it because of her behavior. If there is someone else you will find out eventually. How neutral is the person you asked if your W could be having an A? Is there a chance they would cover for her? Is there a chance they could be involved?

[GavinO]

Hi all,

I sincerely doubt that there is anyone else involved, I spoke with well meaning friends who suggetsed it and made things far worse for me.

Incidentally Michelles advice of staying away from well meaning friends is sound advice. I spoke with a couple of them who she had spoken to and although they only told me what I knew (and is reality at the moment) but for some reason it hit me hard... Fortunately I was round my parents so it did not matter.

I have seen very small positive steps this week, I have no expectations but since I have 'backed off' she seems to be comming to me more and keeping me a bit more informed. She enquired where I was going and what time i was back the other eve (why care if you are divorcing me?)she left her door open last night rather than closing it or having it ajar (slightly, mainly closed though) and we had a nice chat this morning about mundane stuff like adverts also she sat on the sofa with me rather than the floor or other sofa, I have taken my wedding ring off and made a point of stroking the cat (yes the real cat) in such a way that W would be able to see, W asked what I was doing later and I told her that I was going out to dinner, she asked who with and I told her some 'people where my parents work' (I am going round my parents for dinner and some of the people they work with are comming over (all girls - I am not looking but may be a nice boost for me)

I told W I would see her tomorrow morning as I would likely be back late.

I am doing a bit of GAL and slowly detaching, W needs to see that I am getting on with my life and it will hopefully bring some reality to her of what it would be like without me.

I hope she comes round, apart from a bit of a blip the last week or so seems a bit easier, bit less D talk and some small positives.

It is hard work but I am doing my best

[GavinO]

I am fortunate to have the council of my mum and 2 sisters who give me a bit of an insight into how girls work. They believe that there are positives there (still need to be careful) and that it may well improve (I hope so).

It 'seems' a little easier this week and I get a soft feeling that she may be faltering slightly (may be completely wrong)

I am going to avoid speaking to any friends about it as it can do more harm than good.

I'm in for the long haul as I want my wife and friend to stay with me (she doesn't though (yet) lol)

From what I understand from talking to friends she has noticed changes in me though they and she say it is too late.

It is never too late is it?

I don't want to read too much into the positives though I believe that there are positives there. Just need to keep myself going.

Thanks for the help and support

[GavinO]

Although she 'seems' to be slacking, it still appears that she is going towards divorce. W worked the weekend and I was out, we had a nice chat on Sunday eve but she was still going out to stay at one of her friends, she has spent the weekend at her friends (Girl) and been smoking lots of marijuana with a couple of other deadbeats that she works with.

She asked me how dinner was (I went out on Friday)she asked about this twice and if I had met new people, also said that I had learned to socialise.

We laughed together a bit about some minor stuff and she told me that she was going on the mini pill so to watch for any emotional imbalances over the next few months. (Why tell me this if you are f*cking divorcing me?!?)

She said that it was good that I was out and she was in. She told me she had 'picked up' (got drugs). She also asked me to help her roll a joint and asked my opinion on some marajuana that she got, she said she smoked 5-6 joints last night (Thats a hell of a lot for her!!!) and she was staying at Sue's that eve, she also said that she was meeting with a couple of her (deadbeat) friends from work tomorrow (today) so she can go and meet their main dealer (drugs).

Today I noticed that she had changed her facebook profile to Relationship: It's Complicated and Interested in: Men from being Married to me. I also got a facebook Hug from her (don't know if it was specifically for me or one she sent to loads, her profile shows that she sent 1 hug and later sent others.

WTF is going on!!!!

Granted we had a bad year relationship wise (plus the otehr stuff that happened) but is that enough to chuck everything in?? are there any WAW's out there that can give me an insight into what the hell is going through her head?

She seems to want to chuck everything in that she has ever wanted for Marijuana, alcohol and her deadbeat (single) work friends.

It seems to have started out as her needing to shock me to (Back in end of Jan) but seems to have gone so downhill.

Give me strength!!!

[saffie]

she told me that she was going on the mini pill so to watch for any emotional imbalances over the next few months. (Why tell me this if you are f*cking divorcing me?!?)

I have to go back to what I asked you in an earlier post. This seems just weird. I can only conclude that she is having an A or is anticipating starting one. If she hasn't been on the pill prior to this why start now?

I know in my sitch when H was having an A, the OW had never been on the pill throughout her M but she went on it for my H. Luckily he broke up with her before she pressurised him into unprotected sex.

[GavinO]

Ah, she is on the normal pill at the moment, she has some health issues (Very high Blood Pressure) and she smokes so I think that they are some of the reasons that she is moving to the mini pill rather than staying on the normal pill.

I sincerely doubt that there is anyone else or an A. If you want a divorce so bad then why not tell the spouse that to speed it up or something.

Still doubt very much that there is an A. (never know though of course).

It seems she wants deadbeat friends booze and drugs?!?! She is 31 and married with responsibilities, a husband who loves her, a nice house and a cat, she is not a teenager or a dropout but she seems to be acting like one.

I could understand the reaction (divorce) if I slept around, drank too much, beat her etc but I am not and never have or will.

We had a poor relationship for a year plus she had a bad year as well, a really bad relationship for 6 months (my depression). And she wants to bin it all.

Her parents are devestated and believe that she is overreacting and blaming me FAR to much for silly things really.

My wife appears to have gone nuts!!!