Just_Me makes a good point. Some of the dance is partially games, but most have to be honest strides forward. Not that what you are doing is bad, just try to actually go out with friends.
Other than that, it sounds as if things are going well for you. As well as can be expected. Let her take as much time as possible. She is still seemingly very confused. Be careful. She will be trying to test your limits. Be supportive but not needy. Work on yourself. Continue making improvements. Think positive thoughts.
Ken Me: 37 Her: 38 Son: 8 (spina bifida) Son:2 M 6/24/1994 S 1/21/2008 Original Sitch
I hear what you are saying, work do do social events every few months and people do go out reasonably often so the option is there. I did yesterday on the fly to make a bit of a break.
Also to give her some space, I wanted to 'show' a bit that I had stopped chasing her and was sorting myself out.
It was part of the 'make it look like you are even if you aren't yet' that is dotted around the forum.
I admin I am feeling around in the dark somewhat but as long as I avoid doing any of the DO NOT's (or try to) I hope it will be ok.
She let me into her personal space to check her head for instance, she has kept me away for 5 & a bit weeks. Also offered me some food for the first time in about 3.5 weeks.
I am trying to balance a number of things and I am hoping that W will be open to reconcilliation and stopping this nightmare (for both of us)
Me: 30 W: 31 T: 9.5 yrs M: 4 Yrs No Kids, 1 cat Had a bad year Turmoil started 22/Jan/08 Seperated, same house 30/Jan/08 Wanted D: 2/Feb/08 Going downhill and towards D with nothing stopping her!
Just a thought, but when she 'has a go' at you about why she feels like she does DON'T ignore her.You don't have to agree with her and it's not normaly a good idea to argue and try to justify yourself but it is quite good to validate so that she knows you are listening and understand her point of view (POV).
You can say things like "I'm sorry that you feel like that" or 'Thank you for explaining your feelings to me".
There's nothing worse than off loading to someone and thinking that they are not listening.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Hi Saffie, sorry I think my explanation in the earlier post was a bit off, when she 'had a go' I listened and validated. The 'I ignored her and didn't listen' that I mentioned was one of the complaints she had about me. I of course was listening fully and understanding (even though she was a bit extreme)I defended only slightly (the really outrageous bits)and pushed only slightly. Other than that I listened and took it and validated (felt appalling inside but held on).
Me: 30 W: 31 T: 9.5 yrs M: 4 Yrs No Kids, 1 cat Had a bad year Turmoil started 22/Jan/08 Seperated, same house 30/Jan/08 Wanted D: 2/Feb/08 Going downhill and towards D with nothing stopping her!
W seems to be going full tilt towards D with little to no consideration to me or my fellings. She is adamant that she will not try again. She is chuckingh everything away and does not seem to care at all, she is going out regularly and staying away.
Her parents are in dispair as are my parents and our friends.
We had a rough year and apart from a couple of bad points (not that bad really)I am actually bl00dy good.
She is not considering anything, no councelling no separation, no try again nothing, just full steam towards D. She is blaming me for everything and her claims are unrealistic and her reaction (D) is extreme. WTF is going on!?! There is pracically no let up at all!
From what I understand she is gonna chuck it all in and go live with her parents, at nearly 32!
Even her parents think she is unfair and overreacting, they are devestated!
Could it be that she has got so powerful because of this that it has gone to her head?!? She is upsetting everyone and really does not seem to care at all.
Anyone got anything I can inject her with to sort her out?
I still have texts from early Jan saying she loved me loads etc, even late Jan (when it went downhill) she was a bit unsure but now its full tilt?
She seems to have changed into the opposite of what she is.
Any wives or ex wives here done something like that and could provide an insight?!?
Is it really this hard?!? I want to save our marriage but she is not giving a millimeter, nothing.
WTF!!!!
Me: 30 W: 31 T: 9.5 yrs M: 4 Yrs No Kids, 1 cat Had a bad year Turmoil started 22/Jan/08 Seperated, same house 30/Jan/08 Wanted D: 2/Feb/08 Going downhill and towards D with nothing stopping her!
I have hesitated from saying this before, but I was wondering if your W has gotten involved with someone else? The staying out drinking etc made me think this. Do you think that's possible?
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Not as far as I am aware but then she is not gonna tell me is she, her parents don't think so and a friend who she spoke with doesn't think so.
Don't know, I suppose it is possible, but don't know.
Would that explain the absolute obsession?
Last edited by GavinO; 03/06/0804:02 PM.
Me: 30 W: 31 T: 9.5 yrs M: 4 Yrs No Kids, 1 cat Had a bad year Turmoil started 22/Jan/08 Seperated, same house 30/Jan/08 Wanted D: 2/Feb/08 Going downhill and towards D with nothing stopping her!
No I haven't sat her down and asked her, i did angrily ask a few weeks ago but she said no.
Her behaviour is strange.
Do you think i should ask her (won't she say no?) or ignore her and GAL and see what happens or what?
Me: 30 W: 31 T: 9.5 yrs M: 4 Yrs No Kids, 1 cat Had a bad year Turmoil started 22/Jan/08 Seperated, same house 30/Jan/08 Wanted D: 2/Feb/08 Going downhill and towards D with nothing stopping her!
