Hi, GF! I've been doing great this weekend! H took the kids to their annual trip to Daytona for Bike Week with his dad (the kids' grandpa) which they've been doing for almost 40 years now. Wonder if H told his dad all that he's been doing about the OW (married with kids) and moving out and all that since his dad is super-religious? (I think if he is saying anything it is probably highly edited to make OW and H sound better.)
I kept super busy this weekend. Rehearsal on Friday, and on Saturday did backstage stuff. I helped the stage managers do shopping for props & furniture, move furniture, and then spent the afternoon painting the sets. I managed to get slightly more paint on the sets than on myself!
Then I went out to dinner and a cocktail bar, so I am slightly hungover this morning. I am hoping I will recover quickly b/c I am supposed to be painting again at 3pm today. I need to clean really quickly the next couple hours before H gets home or I'm going to get lectured at about not keeping up with my responsibilities but he was just on a 3 day vacation so kind of ridiculous for him to lecture I think!
It was so relaxing this weekend without H, it's funny how you don't realize how stressful the whole situation is sometimes until you don't have to deal with it a few days! Karen
You know what's weird, I guess being alone, I had time to think for a change, no kids interrupting me for the first time in years. I was cleaning now, and I just realized I think it will be good for me when H moves out in 2 weeks. He's been making me feel worthless, horrible, and stupid by calling me those names or treating me that way for long enough now that I realized today I agree with him: I feel that way about myself too. I am screwed up. Hopefully, when he moves out and with my C's help, maybe I can undo some (all?) of the damage...Karen
You know what's weird, I guess being alone, I had time to think for a change, no kids interrupting me for the first time in years. I was cleaning now, and I just realized I think it will be good for me when H moves out in 2 weeks. He's been making me feel worthless, horrible, and stupid by calling me those names or treating me that way for long enough now that I realized today I agree with him: I feel that way about myself too. I am screwed up. Hopefully, when he moves out and with my C's help, maybe I can undo some (all?) of the damage...Karen
Karen, honey, you are NOT screwed up. You are a WONDERFUL woman who is WORTH SO MUCH. You're worth a lot and you deserve a lot!
Don't let this man pull you down. You are better and stronger than that. One day he's going to see what he's lost, and he will regret, very deeply, all the hurt he has caused you. He's going to realize what an a$$ he was/is to you. Trust me.
(((((Hugs)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Karen, GF is absolutely right. If anyone in your R is flawed I would look at your H first. After all he's the one who's gotten involved in an A. That alone speaks of a severely warped personality trait.
When my W told me she wanted to end our M she glossed over the little fact she was having an A. At first I took all of the blame for the failure of our M -- and she let me take it too. (Even though I knew about the EA, she led me to believe it had gone nowhere and was thus not a factor in her decision to leave our M.)
For a long time I beat myself up pretty badly. But over the following weeks as my W continued to show zero interest in trying to work our R out, to any degree, I realized there was more to this than she was admitting.
Betrayal is such a horrible thing to do to someone you once considered to be your friend, let alone your best friend. That's bad enough, but to then betray the one person you swore an oath before God and all humanity to love, honor and cherish takes a seriously whacked character flaw.
I know that a lot of WAS who inhabit these forums are not really going to like hearing what I am saying, but if they were to be perfectly honest they would have to admit that, if the shoe were on the other foot, they would think no better of such treachery, were they the victim of it.
The saddest thing is that so many people must have this flaw.
Don't listen to him about the house either. He's full of crap. I'm sure it's not a pig pen! You had a busy weekend with the play. Life is not all work!
Thanks everyone! I did get the house reasonably clean so H couldn't complain! then went over and painted the rest of the day. H dropped the kids off to paint about 5:30 then said he had to leave right away (of course to meet OW who he hadn't seen in 3 days!). Weird thing is he came home at 7:30 which with driving time (she lives one town over) means he only saw her for one hour which I was surprised about after he hadn't seen her for several days. I don't really care as much as I used to though whether they are getting along or not. I still feel H will be moving out in 2 weeks no matter what; he is determined; so whatever.
I think I've also realized that I think a lot of the names he called me this past year or so: stupid and making me feel bad for being a stay-at-home mom teaching the kids rather than working I think was his way of justifying his affair (first emotional, and then physical) because OW was a working woman, a lawyer and thus in his mind a better woman than I. Not just that but his way of not having as much guilt about the affair, like he couldn't help himself b/c in his mind she was a better woman than I. I don't agree with him, and I know not everyone would, but of course he and OW I think would probably discuss how I should be a working mom, plus discuss her husband and his faults, and bond over that kind of stuff. Karen
Karen, I want to see your H stay home and be a full-time parent, as well as a home-schooler to children with disabilities. That is MORE than a full-time job and most people COULD NOT do it! In fact, I really am in awe because I'm not sure I could do it! Sorry, but what an a$$. You may be right about him saying those things just to make himself feel better.
I read in the other thread that your H thinks your kids should now go to public school... I'd fight him on that, too. Not only is he ditching you, he wants to do the same to them.
Karen, I want to see your H stay home and be a full-time parent, as well as a home-schooler to children with disabilities. Joie
Thanks, Joie! Yes, H has never given me credit for that, and in fact thinks less of me for that I think which isn't right! I don't believe he ever has understood the value of that, even before his affair started, maybe part of our problems.
I'm also thinking that instead of putting the majority of the blame of the marriage problems on myself for my depression, probably a good part of the depression was helped by H's name-calling of me and making me feel poorly about myself. I need to work on boosting my self-confidence so that doesn't happen again, but I also think I need to stop blaming myself for all or most of the marriage problems too.
I did enjoy last night when H got home, he was quizzing me about the money I spent (as I've said before H is cheap with us although he calls it "frugal") I wound up spending the $40 he had left me when he went on the trip and I told him I had spent most of it when I had gone out on Sat. night with "friends" really a girlfriend and a married couple of course, but I didn't tell H that, and then later that night out of the blue he asked, Well where did you go Sat. night and spend my money? So I told him the name of the restaurant and the bar (they are nice places). And H said "Well, I don't want any details!" And then I said, And it would have been even more expensive if somebody hadn't bought me a drink at the bar! (Really just the husband had bought a round of drinks for everyone but I didn't tell him that!) Karen
Karen, You go girl!!! By the way don't ever let him tell you that a SAHM isn't a job. I've always said my real job started when I got home in the afternoon!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
H took the kids to their annual trip to Daytona for Bike Week with his dad (the kids' grandpa) which they've been doing for almost 40 years now. Wonder if H told his dad all that he's been doing about the OW (married with kids) and moving out and all that since his dad is super-religious? (I think if he is saying anything it is probably highly edited to make OW and H sound better.) 
Karen