The more you try to get her to respond to your texts, the more you will drive her away.
You only thing you will change in her, is that you will change her from a walk to a RUN.
You seriously need to back off and have ZERO expectations. Stop texting her, even if she says she wants you to. Respond to her texts with short acknowledgements, but don't initiate any of your own for a while.
She is in full control of this situation, accept that and let her set the pace.
This has been very hard for me to learn as well, but man, when I do it, IT WORKS. She needs to feel no pressure at all from you. If there is any hope for her to come back to you, this is the only way it will happen. Thousands have gone before you, and your sitch is not unique.
Back off and let her be. It's the only way. Create some mystery. A major 180 for you would be for you to stop expecting her to respond to your texts.
For example, my W only responds to about 30% of my texts and emails. And my W told me she is coming back!
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
ok ok ( loud sigh) just lonly last night and climbing the walls. sorry. its realy hard to have a PMA when your job is dealing with crap and you sit alone most of the night. i need to work on that . well folks off to bed. hopefully a good day of sleep will set some things righjt in my head
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
well she actualy called back. said she got my message late because she was out all night and finaly calle d me back at noon. keep in mind i work 3rd shift and she knows i was sleeping. so she wants to go to church. we just moved into this area and she dosent know were it is. i told her its a couple of blocks from a parking lot she uses to go to lunch. so she goes into a monologe on hoe she might not find it and she hopes she makes it. i gave her the correct address and told her i had faith she would find it fine.
so we are going to church. i wont be cold but i will just act as if we are just a couple of friends . hope this works. i will fill ya all in after.
Well that was painful i will NOT be contacting her except through MC. the sermon was on trusting God and my W took it as since she was praying that she has been making all the right decisions. “I just wanted you to know that I have been praying since this started so this was a real wake up. I know now that I’m doing the right thing right now. Were before I was unsure the father said we should trust God.”
I was kind of hurt but I acted AS IF until she drove away. Then I cried. She maid the sermon into a complete justification for her actions. She was colder then she has ever been. So Mink, good buddy bring on the advice. I’m going a little away from her for a while. And WAS2 your right. I will be here for her as a friend if she wants one. But until she makes that request I will work on myself. Man this sucks real bad. Funny as it sound you guys are all better friends then she is right now and I thank you all. My buddy asked me tonight “ why not just get divorced if your going to pull back, what are you getting out of this?” I told him I am getting a promise of hope. I am getting self respect for not giving up. And I am letting my W heal while I build, so if and when she comes back to me we will be better. Once again man this is hard.
Don't listen to anyone who tells you to give up. Only you will know when you have had enough. You are just in the first inning, Marcum...it isn't time to throw in the towel yet!
Go back and read all of the posts in this thread, especially mine from yesterday at 6:37am, and the one from Was2sad, from Thursday at 8:17pm.
You have zero control. Accept that, follow her lead (even if she doesn't do anything) and work hard on getting a life. Sitting around, climbing the walls, wondering what she is doing, what she is thinking, etc. will drive you crazy and send your thinking into a spiral.
Have no expectation, and really look hard for the tiniest things that show progress (baby steps).
For instance, she wasn't responding to your texts. You made an assumption, which turned out to be incorrect. She did contact you after all. Baby step.
She wanted to go to church with you. Baby step.
Don't focus on the things you don't want to happen...focus on the forward movement, no matter how small.
The only way you will get there, the only chance you have, is to be consistently strong and confident...and do not apply any pressure at all. That includes sending her info about coming events. That includes sending a barrage of texts or emails.
Just back off, relax (I know, hard) and work on Marcum for a while.
Me: 54 Her: 50 and sexy as hell M: 32yrs T: 34yrs Bomb: Sept 26-07 "lost our emotional connection" Bomb 2: Dec 25-07 she's "not feeling desire" She asked if she could come home Apr 26-08! Everything's GREAT!
so in effect its like acting single, but keeping faith with your wife? and if she comes around great you have someone but if she dosent its like " i have a wife away on a trip but she wont come back for a while so act normal she might be back."
You got it, buddy! Treat your wife as a girl you are interested in, but don't know if you'll "get". If she starts to show interest, remain cool and detached. Let her come to you. If she doesn't, you'll be well equipped to move on to someone who WILL appreciate what you have to offer.
I know, it all sounds simple...it isn't, because you are emotionally invested in this thing. But you have to go through the motions at least. Pursuing will push her away.
it seems so sick!! you think that if you pull back they will figure " screw it there not interested and im happyer on my own anyway!" but instead if it all goesa right they will miss you. and thats the frigin key isent it. no matter how " loved" you try to make them if they dont want it all they view is a desperat villian trying to ruin there new found awarness of how right they are and of how bad you have been. just wears on ya
and if i was interested in a girl i would persue her. so i got to almost act like shes a casuel friend. a casul friend who wont call and if she does im might be busey because we are just 'casual" man this stinks
