OMG, he remembered your birthday and wants to spend the days surrounding it stuck in the car with you!?! And he hugged you!?! He may not have SAID anything, but his actions speak volumes. He obviously misses you. What that means for the future is still up for debate.
Keep your expectations low and just enjoy it. And quit analyzing! You're gonna have tons of opportunities to DB later this week, so enjoy it!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Great news and it was great to read your detailed post! Well, something's going on between you two...it's hard to not see that. I know exactly what you mean about how some points in being together are so hard because inside you want to cry but are trying not to show this outside. But it sounds like you handled things really well. His admission of being stressed with "everything" is very significant--first because it gives you clear feedback that he is struggling--and second because he is sharing it (albeit in a small way right now) with you. I'm no expert in any of this, but it seems to me that this is a signficant thing for the WAS to do.
You are a gusty woman slipping in a little neck peck, aren't you?! : ) Doesn't sound like it was a problem for him! Well done, Ali. I am excited (cautiously of course) and happy for you that you've had this experience together. You deserve some happy stuff in your life. Here's a virtual hug for you: ((Ali))
Thanks guys !! And I should explain...the neck kiss was partly as he is 6 foot 1 !! And I am 5'4'' and seeing as we are not now together, it wouldnt have been right to get on tip toes like I normally do, so the neck was the nearest part! Althouh...thinking about it, he had both arms all around me and wasnt stood up straight like he used to hug me post bomb, he was all bent over and wrapped around me...Hmm..so thas positive !!??
Also, he also paid me loads of compliments! Not long after he arrived he started going on about how smart I was and how he is not as sharp as me and how easy I find things like mortgages and solicitors and how clever I am to be working as a book keeper /accounts person! And I was looking at him wierdly thinking, wheres all this coming from?? And he also said later on how great it was that I was doing so many different jobs. And he bought his bike rack over for me and showed me how to put it together..he said he though it would be easier than lifting my bike in and out my boot. So, all in all, it was pretty positive!?
I was staring at him, soaking up the sight of him and thinking...I really love you.
And yes, sorry Kalni, I seem to have my own side show rollercoaster here! I meant to repost after "I've not heard from him, its over" to say he's on his way, but I had only had 15 minutes to get ready!
Thanks for all your support Michelle, IMP, Essie, T, Purr, OneDay and Kalni ! I think my DBing has relaxed a tiny bit (I emailed him, I asked him to stay for dinner (he said no, but reluctantly), I asked him how he was feeling, why he was stressed).. but I have stuck to the DBing pretty much religiously since 1 January and not done any backslides...and it seems to be working ! Well, in the incresaed and more relaxed contact..but we still havent had an R talk at all since 22 December.
If he doesnt say something by the time we come home Sunday, I am thinking of withdrawing a bit, making myself a bit unavailable. Go a bit mysterious and start saying I am busy, or not reply to emails?? Go a bit dark. Thats the plan. See how the weekend goes I guess!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I was thinking... you did a really good job listening. He might not have anyone else to talk to the way he can talk to you. Work that, girl!!! He probably cannot open up to his guy friends who he plays squash with the same way he can talk to you. SO LISTEN LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT! Sounds like you're doing a stellar job of that already!
I am TOTALLY pumped about how he kept extending the time together by asking to do one more thing with you...
and four hours in a car! Hoooooooooorrrrrrayyyyy!!
Lol. Depending on how things go, that might be a good idea. Just have to see what happens I guess. It's good to make him chase you a little IMO though.
So many positives! Sounds like you just had a wonderful weekend all around, some shopping, some guitar, and some time with your BF.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Christ I do almost feel like I am gloating! I dont mean to, but this is for venting (and I sure have done plenty of that!) and so I couldnt help but put it all out there. And although I feel uplifted that it went well on the face of it.. he still wouldnt stay for dinner, or kiss me on the cheek, or give me his address, or...well anything that consitutes R stuff. So no change really ! But thanks girls..gonna keep my hopes up !!
Think I may take the dress back. I tried it on earlier and it appears to be 2 sizes too big for me ! Those pesky mirrors in changing rooms, I swear they make stuff look better on you than they do in reality!
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I finally got caught up on your sitch and I'm very, very pleased w/ what I read. Of course, I wanted to kick you in the rear w/ the obsessing, but you did very well.
He is coming back. It is slow, but he's coming back. Let him come to you. Keep on doing your thing and he'll come back. Now is the time for you to be patient and not to rush. You need to be more patient now than you ever have been before this point.
Finally, as for the thought of being totally in love w/ him, I know exactly what you are thinking and feeling. Even though my W is treating me poorly and blaming me for everything that has gone wrong in her life, I can't help but think about how much I love her and miss her every time I see her when we're exchanging our D. I also get knots in my stomach when she calls, texts or sends an e-mail.
I too am more in love now than I've ever been. My only hope is that my W will be receptive and inching back toward me after 4 months. As of today, she wanted me to be gone forever.
Keep up the WONDERFUL work, Ali. I'm very impressed and very proud of you.
