sandi, thank you for the words of encouragment. as far a me preaching to my wife. that has not happened. i have thought about it, but never broached the subject. i only answer a question when she asks one. sandi, you have been at this for a while. question, after many months did you find yourself falling out of love with your husband? yesterday, i looked at my wife,and thought to myself, i am beginning to fall out of love with her. i just sat next to my bed and prayed and cried. it scares me to think that it can be happening. it makes me sad also. if you do not feed love it will eventually die. the realization was very vivid and really made me ponder our situation. i have no intention of giving up. but i can see a change in the way i look at her. i know satan will try to use this. but he will fail.
sandi, my wife is so lost . she came home the last two nights and was in bed by 7:45. that is so not like her. the added pressure of her dad passing away and our situation is really taking a toll on her. let alone, the pressure at work. this morning i asked her if she wanted to talk about what has been bothering her. she said no. there is no anger, no harsh words. there is nothing. she acts like a zombie. it hurts to see her like this. i wish she would go talk to a counselor. but she apparently is not ready. she has no direction. i dont believe she thought this would turn out like it has. she is not happy. i have been dbing and praying constantly for our situation. i just need to keep my focus on the Lord. thanks for your thoughts.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
after many months did you find yourself falling out of love with your husband? yesterday, i looked at my wife,and thought to myself, i am beginning to fall out of love with her. i just sat next to my bed and prayed and cried. it scares me to think that it can be happening. it makes me sad also. if you do not feed love it will eventually die. the realization was very vivid and really made me ponder our situation.
I know how you feel. Here I am NOT trying to save my marriage because I have to save myself first. As time goes on she's more and more distant, and I love her less and less. And it hurts to feel that way.
question, after many months did you find yourself falling out of love with your husband? yesterday, i looked at my wife,and thought to myself, i am beginning to fall out of love with her. i just sat next to my bed and prayed and cried. it scares me to think that it can be happening.
Well, Craig, I hate to tell you this, but yes I did feel as though I fell out of love with my H. You are correct in saying that if love is not fed, it will die. I went for so many years that my emotional and sexual needs were not met that I detached from my H to the point that I did not feel in love anymore. I loved him like you would love a dear relative.....like a sibling or somebody close like that. We were "comfortable" with each other for a while, but then that is when I fell into the "snare" that Satan had waiting for me.
When a couple goes through so much stuff like you both have, it really does take such an tremendous strain on the emotions that I think you do feel as though you have fallen completely out of love. Some people feel nothing.....like a zombie, and some reach a point they don't even like thier S anymore. I have been in both places in my M and it is not pleasant.
As I said in my last post, your W is going through too much at one time to try to adjust. The loss of her father, break-up with OM, reuniting with you.......too much at once! It sounds like she is very depressed (which would be certainly natural) but under these circumstances, she may need medication to help her get back to where she needs to be. As my doctor told me, it is not a shame or disgrace for a Christian to use AD meds b/c you can't help the chemical reactions in your brain anymore than you can help some other part of your body disfunctioning. I don't want to sound like I encourage people to take AD meds for every little thing that happens.....or b/c I have to take them myself. However, her case is severe and I think the exhaustion, the sitting without talking (zombie actions) it all shouts depression. I would strongly suggest that you get her to a doctor. She may not recognize how serious she is b/c of her condition, but you may have to make an appointment and take her yourself. If she resists, just tell her you love her and that she has been through too much at once and you want the doctor to see her b/c you are concerned for her health. Don't suggest that she might harm herself or anything like that.
I believe your feeling are the result of what you have been through. Hurt can damage a lot of feelings and it takes a long time to get back what you feel that you have lost. My H and I are not back a 100% yet. We still have to work on it. Mostly, it will be left up to me b/c I don't think he is going to change now. He is too set in his ways. I have to try to forgive the resentment that has built from many years (which is hard!)and put it behind me.
Try to not be so hard on yourself right now. I think you may be trying a little bit too hard and maybe expecting too much from yourself......and perhaps your W as well. Continue to take a day at a time. At first, we just have to try to get through the day...you know? Baby steps along each day. Under the circumstances of what has happened lately, try to take care of each other (it will mostly be you taking care of her b/c she is not able to do much of anything right now). She needs you whether she acts like it or not.
Again, referring to your feelings......don't try to analyze everything too closely or it will drive you nuts! LBS usually do that when the WAS returns and it will do a number on you. Remember, you were trying to detach and now you are trying to attach back and your emotions may be confussed. Don't worry, just keep praying and depending on the Lord. This too shall pass.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
first time in a couple of months the divorce was brought up. on the way to a family function , she asked me if i had filed my papers. i said no, she assumed that i did not since she was never served. i then asked her when she was going to move out. pushed her on this probably a little too hard. she said when she received her share of her fathers estate she was going to pay our daughters braces off and the credit card. i questioned her why she would not use this money to help herself move out. pushed again. she even commented on using some of the money for my oldest daughters wedding next year. i honestly don't get it. the only thing she seems positive about is that we are ending. she acts like everything else will be fine. she certainly does not seem to be any hurry to move out or sell our house. was tough week for patience. i failed miserably. God is patient with me. thank the Lord for that.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I completely understand what you are feeling. It's like they can't move forward and won't come back. I don't know if its fear or just a lack of true conviction.
woog, i believe alot of it is the fear of the unknown. if i had been pushing her over the last 3 months she would have an easier time of leaving. that is dbing in action. i believe the true conviction is also true. at times my wife seems to be living in a fantasy world. she does not understand that things will be different if she does decide to really divorce me.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
gypsy, thanks for the virtual hugs, i can always use them.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
alot on my mind the last week. wrote my wife a brief letter, of course i have not given it to her. basically wrote down on paper that i was beginning to fall out of love with her. how much that scared me and how sad it made me feel. i also wrote how love will die if you do not feed it.a few times over the weekend i just wanted to blurt it out. but i restrained myself. i know it is pressure, my patience has been put to the test the last week. when i step back and really take a hard look at this situation, i would never believe it possible. i can understand why no one other than those going through this can comprehend the unbelievable craziness of each situation.there is a common thread to all our situations, but each one has a different twist all its own.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
When I step back and take a cold hard look at my sitch, I thank God that i found this website. Where else would I have found people who I could confide in without being judged and who have gone through or are going through similar situations. I aree with you that WAS don't seem to relize the consequences....I would be interested in hearing about stories where LBS did leave and the WAS came back.
