I always feel worse for the children. I remember when my H left, and having to tell the boys in the morning that their father was no longer living with us.....Oh that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I can still vividly recall the pain on their faces.
Give your babies lots of love. (((((Hugs)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Every day it seems somethin makes me upset. I just found a piece of paper next to the computer with info our doctor had written down obviously for my H with a doctor's info on it. I was curious of course so googled the info. It is for a marriage and family counselor. He already is seeing an individual counselor for his anger issues. He is moving out this weekend as he feels our marriage is over. So I am guessing the couples counseling is with the OW? WTH? What kind of counselor (an MSW it said) would give marriage and family counseling to a couple that are married to entirely different spouses than the ones they are in counseling with! Every day I feel worse and worse about the chances of our marriage, my H, and our family. I feel sick actually. Karen43
Karen, Are you sure it's recent? Is it dated? If it's not, that is really inconceivable that he/they would be seeing a marriage and family counselor before evening walking out the door. And, that a MSW would agree to such a thing (Unless they've told this person that their previous Ms are already over.) I just don't know. Puzzles me...
I think it's recent because I just had cleaned off the computer desk this past week, and my H has just gone to the doctor once in the past 5 years about a week ago with his bronchitis (he never gets sick). I am thinking maybe he is doing all this counseling not for our relationship but b/c he is smart enough to realize that the next relationship will fail if he doesn't do it (he realizes he is messed up and it helped cause our R to fail). It just makes me sick that he wouldn't do C for our relationship but he would do it for OW. Karen43
Karen, My H once told me that he and ow would have to go through months of C before getting married. Probably a good idea except for the fact that a relationship built on lies and deceipt is destined to fail no matter what.
Hang in there... It's true what they say around here.. once you start to GAL and truly move on, the WAS becomes interested again. Then, you have the confidence and the power to choose what is really right for YOU..
Probably shouldn't have done what I did today, but I did. H last night got some steaks and cooked dinner and he was stressed out and tired from work and I felt bad he did that. When I was depressed, he would cook dinner at least half the time if not more, and I never noticed how tired/stressed he was. Several times he's asked me why I didn't cook and clean like he wanted then; he can't understand if I loved him, and I emailed him today trying to explain.
My email was something like: I didn't notice his being tired/stressed, I was in my own little depressed world I guess, and I am horrified at that. (Since coming out of my depression, I do cook dinner every night, keep the house clean, etc.) I also explained how I am enjoying everything, just simple things like being with the kids, the play I'm doing, just being with H watching movies.
I was really disappointed he just emailed back: Let's just be the best parents we can through and after the divorce and not dwell on the past. I don't know what I expected him to say back, but that just seemed kind of cold. But I guess I should have expected that. Karen43
But then H just walked in where I was getting ready to go leave & get groceries with an armful of clothes and said he was leaving and would be back tomorrow morning, so he is going to spend the rest of the day and night with OW.
Stop trying to explain why you were the "bad wife" when you were depressed.
Stop trying to convince him to go to C with you.
This is chasing behavior...it only pushes him away further.
People want what they can't have. So...start taking care of yourself some more. I'm excited about the play. Now start going to a gym or something. The happier you are without him, and the more you show him what a great person you are, the more he'll be likely to notice.
Wait it out till he moves, then the stress will drop Then you can practice the Last Resort Technique in earnest.
I have been, Theoden, and then when he moves out I assume that will also help me gain custody as well which I assume you are referring to, thinking we will probably be divorcing? Plus, H apparently doesn't even want to have the kids at his apartment (I believe because of OW) and says he will visit them here. H is like a different person than he was a year ago, since getting involved with the OW, both with me obviously but even with the kids. Karen43
Stop trying to explain why you were the "bad wife" when you were depressed.
Stop trying to convince him to go to C with you.
This is chasing behavior...it only pushes him away further.
--Theoden
Thanks for the advice! I will try to avoid 100% of the chasing behaviors, and follow your advice. I don't know what is inside of me that makes me do stuff like that! So frustrating! I will be doing good at db'ing and being strong and then I will have a weak moment and blow it like that. I think I will print out your post today and save it as a daily reminder to myself!!! Karen43
