I am anxious about the situation but actually I think my attorney is competent and thorough. She appears to be much more so than my wife's attorney, for example.
What my wife is asking for in her petition seems to be so far out of whack, it is hard to imagine it is realistic. This is why I think her attorney is a bozo. Also her actions (my wife's) indicate that the W and her attorney are not really connected on everything. Like filing the protection order and then immediately backing off.
Who knows, though? Maybe it is standard practice to request something really outrageous (like zero involvement by the other spouse) just to put the respondent on the defensive. Whatever. We'll see what happens in the hearing.
In any case after spending a great deal of time with my attorney over the past couple of days, I have found a new respect for her. I have also spoken to a couple of other attorneys for a second opinion, and for advice, and maybe to consider switching. But so far I am happy with the one I have.
Also I have been getting a great deal of support from family and friends, which I truly appreciate. I am trusting that the judge will see the MLC haze my wife is walking in.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Thank you, thank you Tree. I thought I posted this already but maybe I flubbed it.
When I offer my intentions at night, I always think of you. I think of you, and Minkerman, and RTL, and Bomb, and Treese, and all the other MLCers. I pray for the best for all of you, all of us.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Today I was out running some errands. The sun was shining and my spirits were good. I made a special effort to share a smile and sometimes a laugh with everyone I met. Not flirting, and not only women. Just smiling and being pleasant, and you know.... it made ME feel pretty good too.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Forgot to say that I went for a run today in the morning. I had gotten a new top, perfect for running in the chilly mornings. Someone saw me running and commented that I looked good.
Anyway it feels good to het the heart rate up, to sweat a little.
I'm being more consistent with that, these days.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
Ha! In Broken Tree's now-closed thread, Bomb said he read about MLC behavior in a book:
Quote:
MLCers will typically make new friends that don't know you, the family, or the marital history. They feed their new "friends" their warped story of the marriage. Of course, the new friends will be sympathetic to the MLCers perspective since they really don't know any better.
The MLCer will be very protective of their new friends and will not want you or anyone else who might offer a different perspective to have contact with her friends. The last thing she wants is for her new friends to see that you're really a nice guy...not the monster she's been describing. It's just another dimension of the weirdness. Quite often, the new friends will be people you would never guess your spouse would associate with. And, quite often, they're people who are divorced, divorcing, single, or have troubled relationships.
EXACTLY. THIS DESCRIBES MY WIFE EXACTLY.
All of her friends now are actually from the "abused women's support group". And she has one new friend who is divorced.
Oh, gosh, it's almost comical.
The abused women's group gave her a checklist of things to look for to see if your husband is abusive. One is, "he denies it." Check. Another is "He asks for help from you in resolving the problem." Check. Another one I remember is, "he appears normal and cheerful to everyone else."
It's a complete farce!
It would be laughable if it weren't so damned sad and serious. This is not "I wrecked the car" or "I embarassed myself in front of the boss." This is "I wrecked my marriage and the lives of my 4 kids."
Sad.
How do these people keep up the farce for so long?
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
First of all, good for you for getting out and exercising and smiling today. That is what we all need to do. Keep doing it.
I feel you pain w/ the L thing and the kids. My W didn't answer the phone when I called for D last night and she won't agree to 50/50 time split. I have the same issues that you do b/c I too will have to appear in front of some 3rd party and discuss why I'm worried about my W's ability to raise my D alone.
I have to bring up her drinking, her depression, her suicidal thoughts, her self-inflicted injuries, and her having an affair w/ a worker who is known to sleep w/ his students. I'd much rather not bring any of these issues up as well, but as far as my D is concerned, I have no choice.
You said, "How long can they keep up this farce?" I'm wondering the same thing as well. It is very difficult to sit back and watch someone you love and care dearly about stumble foolishly and painfully through their lives and not be able to help. All we can do is go to the 1/2 mark, extend our hands and hope one day they'll reach for our support. If we try and grab them, they'll recoil further.
Finally, your quote on the friends they surround themselves w/ is dead on w/ my W as well. Her OM is an adulterer who is in the process of divorce. Her friend in the office next door took off her ring and wants a divorce. Her best friend is sitting at home w/ her 2nd child waiting to get back to work so she can divorce her husband who cheated on her last year. Then there is her friend who is bi-sexual, just out of a relationship, and a bit confused about which side of the plate she'd like to swing from full-time.
To all of them, I'm evil. However, her best friend had been one who supported me and my efforts I was gaining through counselling especially since she saw zero effort from her husband. I think deep down, this one knows me and would like to see us work, but there is the public facade she has to put on for my W.
I don't know if or when our Ws will ever come out of their fogs. I keep hoping that the situations of her influences will turn for the better so my W will be w/out the negative backers for her twisted plan of escape.
I don't know, but I do know I have time as my ally to get myself better and to give her a chance to notice. I hate the legal thing too, but we weren't given much of a choice, were we?
I'm very proud of you b/c I know you are in a lot of pain. Keep going forward for you. You'll do it and you'll be fine. Your kids will be with you again. They will. Trust that the nice guys doesn't always finish last. The hero in the movies always wears the white hat and the black hatted villian always finds his just demise.
The abused women's group gave her a checklist of things to look for to see if your husband is abusive. One is, "he denies it." Check. Another is "He asks for help from you in resolving the problem." Check. Another one I remember is, "he appears normal and cheerful to everyone else."
[/quote]
Sir:
Sorry but I did laugh at this because of the way you said, CHECK!! It really isn't funny but what are they thinking...Really...if it was true wouldn't your kids be afraid to be with you instead of reminissing about old times....I don't get how she is making up such things...I'm really sorry
You did make me laugh though, and I don't laugh much anymore...
Treese
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, it's just so ridiculous, because, if I were "guilty" of abuse or "innocent" of abuse, I would provide the same answers. I would deny it. I would ask for her help in resolving it. Everyone else would think I am charming. So it's really dumb to use those questions as a litmus test, but for those in the lobotomy/abused spouse support group, I guess logic doesn't really interfere with their thinking.
Anyway I am glad you had a laugh. I'll bet you have a really nice laugh.
RTL, you wrote:
Quote:
I feel you pain w/ the L thing and the kids. My W didn't answer the phone when I called for D last night and she won't agree to 50/50 time split. I have the same issues that you do b/c I too will have to appear in front of some 3rd party and discuss why I'm worried about my W's ability to raise my D alone.
'Scuse me for saying so, but you appear to have it backwards, no? If you are the father, why do you have to justify to anyone as to why you should get time with your child?
Your "case", as it were, seems to be basically a negative campaign. In other words the stuff you talk about seems to be reasons why NOT to give custody to your wifey. I have a different perspective. I am looking for evidence that says you were an involved father (I hate that phrase!), you have a loving relationship with your daughter, that your daughter beenfits from the relationship with you. I think these are presumptions of family law courts these days in most states, but it wouldn't hurt to bolster your case by re-inforcing it.
You might also start planning what it looks like to be a single dad. What are your work hours? Where's the daycare? Who is your support network? What's your budget? And so on. The more prepared you are, the better chance you stand to get good consideration when it comes to custody. Demonstrate that you are preparing to be a good parent, and the court will take you seriously.
If you actually want to take custody away from your wife, in other words, you get primary custody and she gets less than 50% in time and decision making, then that is when I would go to the cutting, drinking, etc. But that is up to you. Also I am no lawyer. There are probably others who have better advice on this particular issue.
ps: I'm listening to John Mayer's song "She's gone." The story of my life these days.
