Edie, The anecdote of your H lifting you on the counter with assertiveness and desire is teeming with sexuality. This is certainly a turn in your situation.
You are handling the sexual issue very well. You are doing and not doing what the problem requires from you at this time. You have reason to be hopeful.
CL
Last edited by Concerned_Listener; 03/12/0803:43 PM.
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Thanks CL - I'm really trying to just "be there" for him. To listen and encourage. From reading various threads on this site, I'm learning how men, in general, have a difficult time understanding women. I realize that I contribute to that in my M. My H is pretty sensitive and he does take my moods personally - although he shouldn't. I find that by explaining more about why I am in the "mood" I'm in, he is more relaxed. Communication is key. Thanks for coming by! Em
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Ok. It's time. It's time to forgive him - entirely. I really thought I had. But in thinking about forgivness and what it is, I've come to see that I'm all too happy to hang onto what he has done. I bring it up, sometimes, in the midst of arguments. I find myself thinking about it. I've accepted what has happened. I get it. I understand it. I want to forgive it. I don't want to hold it against him, right? I'm not so sure. there is comfort, on some level, to hold onto the pain he caused. I've wrapped it around me like a blanket and I'm holding onto it.
And the journey continues...
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
Edie, I just spent the past 45 mintues reading your whole story and it is really inspiring to me. I see a lot of myself in you and a lot of my husband in yours. I too seem to "mother" my H, and I know that has been a complaint in the past. Reading your posts has reminded me that I need to work on letting that go.
Overall it is just so encouraging to me. I want to approach my H and see if he would go to Retro with me (there is one in May). I am just not sure how to approach the subject.
I just keep reading and seeing how things are progressing for you. Right now I long for my H to hug me...touch me in any way.
Good luck with the forgiving. It is so difficult to forgive. You know that it is the right thing to do because it will free you, but it is hard to let go because you think "what if he does it again?"
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
well, it will be 5 years tomorrow. 5 years since we said I do. H and I went for drinks after work today. Just relaxed and hung out a bit. He went to church this evening. I'm home, just hanging out and enjoying the peace and quiet. We have been having some great times together the past few weeks. Things have been great between us. We're still "working" on the sex thing - his working up to it, and I'm working at no pressuring him. We had a brief conversation last night about it, again. H said he is trying and I said I don't want to push him and he has all the time he needs to get there on his own. He said he doesn't feel pressured at all and is working at a pace comfortable to him. That's good. I acknolwedgeded what I saw as effort and H said he is glad I'm noticing. So, it was a positive interaction even if it's still frustrating for me. H is pretty "hands-on" lately so that's good. (and I mean, literally - his hands are all over me - a lot) but still no sex - or even mild "hooking up". Just a lot of flirtatious grabby moments. it's more than it was though so I'll take it.
We don't have a lot planned for the weekend. We're hitting a Sunday bruch on sunday afternoon so tha will be nice and that's about it. Not much else going on. We have plans tomorrow - I will get my car inspected and get a manicure/pedicure, H has basketball to watch. Things are just moving along...
Hope you all are doing well!! Em
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
It’s guilt. I feel guilty. Guilt has brought me back here.
It’s been ages since I’ve posted – almost a year. Here’s a brief recap – my H had an affair with a coworker (we’re both teachers) that begin in October 05 and then ended in June 06 – after I found out and confronted him. He didn’t quit his job, and then fell back into that R in October 06 to about August 07. In September 07 we went to Retrovaille and both of us decided it was worth trying to work through things. Things have been getting gradually better over time – but since December my H has been really struggling – not with his feelings for the OW, but with existing. He isn’t suicidal, but he hasn’t wanted to leave the house. He has not worked a day since December 12. He is in counseling, and that is helping tremendously. He says he feels lonely and scared. Today his school gave him the choice to either resign or have his tenure reviewed. He chose to resign.
And I feel guilty.
And sad.
And discouraged.
All along I have wished, desired, prayed that he would quit this job. And now he has. Is this a normal feeling? I thought I would feel different in this moment. I thought that I would be ecstatic. Maybe part of it is that the decision was made for him? I don’t know . . . I’m just trying to wrap my mind around it all.
I am surprised to feel this way . . . I was assuming that I would be happier.
Last edited by ediemarie; 01/21/0904:56 PM.
Me: 34 H: 39 M: 7 yrs H A 12/05-8/07
If what you say surprises me, I must have been assuming something else was true. - M. Wheatley
It's nice to hear from you again. I'm sorry that the circumstances aren't better. You should not feel guilty. You wanted him to quit his job, not develop agoraphobia. Your husband seems to be in a state of depression. You never hoped for that. IMO he needs medical help to deal with his problems. This is not a marital issue, this is a mental health issue.
