Happy Valentine's! My H gave me a card for the day saying from the kids of course, and I'm 99% positive he regifted the OW's present to him a teddy bear with I heart you candy's to my D8, after she gave him her present. He ran to the car and came back with it where it was hidden. My H is not the type to have planned ahead to have gotten a gift for her! Is that tacky or what? I said how sweet of you to have gotten a special gift for her as if he really had done that (but I think I know him too well)!
Condor, I think you are right, my H is being a big time cake eater! I wonder what will happen with that. Right now I feel prepared to sit and wait for a while although I wouldn't want to be in a situation for years with a husband with an OW. I would assume the OW wouldn't want to be in that situation either. I wonder if she will at some point get tired of waiting for H to finish the house/get separated/divorced. I guess then she might force the decision, or at some point if this drags out forever I would also want to. I wish he would at some point just end the R with the OW; but he is probably having a great time, so why should he at this point? Maybe as it drags on she will start nagging, begging, pleading, showing some unattractiveness, and/or the fantasy will wear off, and maybe that would help make the decision for him but maybe I am just wishful thinking.
I need to go get some sleep. I just had a 3 hour dance rehearsal and will have another tomorrow morning. One of the teens said tonight I was the "coolest mom ever". Isn't that sweet? Karen43
... Maybe as it drags on she will start nagging, begging, pleading, showing some unattractiveness, and/or the fantasy will wear off, and maybe that would help make the decision for him but maybe I am just wishful thinking.
That's exactly what you want her to do, right?
Hope is always there, Karen, and their A will crumble. It was all built on a lie, which makes for a very unsteady foundation.
Have a blast at the rehearsal!
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Haven't posted in a while...watching your situation.
Here we go....
1. Don't you ever, ever, ever wash that man's laundry again at some late hour so he can have something nice to wear on his weekend with OW. I will personally come over and slap you silly if you ever do that again. Divorce-busting is not being a doormat. DO NOT debase yourself like that again. You are too wonderful, beautiful and precious to put that kind of abuse upon yourself.
2. Be patient, but please don't take you relational temperature every 5 minutes. It'll kill you. It'll wear you out. It's a marathon. And right now all you want to do is save your marriage. That's understandable, but it'll eat up the energy you need for the home stretch. You must save yourself first. Don't burn up your precious energy trying to turn him toward you. Work on you, and maybe he'll turn around.
3. Remember, you are a strong mom, a good wife, a beautiful woman, a veritable sex goddess. Many men, including me, would kill for a wife like you. Take stock and smile. Get your groove back hun.
Okay, okay, I promise I will never do the laundry before my H's weekend with OW! That was probably my worst moment; I hope I don't do worse than that. My C was horrified when I told her that. I will probably be written up by her in some medical journal as an example of a "doormat" wife now!
I will try not to take the R temp every 5 minutes but that is hard. I am currently a little in panic mode as I type this. I know you will tell me this is wrong, but yet this is how I feel.
H cut down his hours with OW, b/c of work, to just the weekend. This week he was sick so he only saw her Sat. for 2 hours. Sunday am he told her he wasn't going to see her at all (I figured this all out later). I guess because of that (maybe withdrawal?) and I think OW was upset and pressuring H to move out of our house H was super cranky Sunday AM when we went to church and said something like I'll be gone soon or you'll be on your own soon so you better get used to doing everything by yourself or something like that. So I guess H is planning on moving out soon. After church, I went and did groceries and my own thing and H took a nap and talked to his brother. He was fine when I saw him later for dinner, and we were talking and laughing again, & watched a movie together.
I'm sure OW is pressuring him to move out not only because he only can spend a few hours with her on the weekend now, but I think b/c some of what he tells her about me worries her: I lost 35 lbs. (only 5 to go!) work out a lot, am doing 3 hr. dance rehearsals, we talk & laugh all the time, watch movies together, get along great, I still love him, clean & cook for him, good mom, etc. I'm sure H doesn't tell her everything, but even if she knows some, she probably doesn't like the idea of us living together for months and months (if she's smart anyway!).
Anyway, since I think H right now is making the decision about if or at least when to move out right now and OW is pressuring him, what should I be doing if anything? Does anyone have any advice? Just keep doing what I am doing? GALing, being an attractive person, good friend, etc. Any other ideas? I am hoping the OW will be really, really witchy about this, and I have been my usual sweet self the last 2 days. (H did apologize for his cranky behavior yesterday; I guess he realized he was taking his stress out on me.) Karen43
I wouldn't do anything at this point, don't pleed from him to stay just act "as if"... He's going to do what he wants to do at this point, so you asking him to stay will make it look worse for you.
Yes, continue galing... Good for you in losing the weight!! Be proud of yourself and all that you have accomplished. You deserve some pampering!!
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
If he wants to move out, let him. If you try to stop him, he'll want out even more. Let him see that you'll be fine, and keep blossoming.
Remain positive. And start being positive not as an "act" in front of your Husband, but because there's a ton of great stuff in your life you are doing for yourself.
Try bellydancing...maybe karate. ;-)
By the way. Talk to your lawyer and see what his moving out means in your state vis a vis custody, and financial settlements. Him moving out is stupid legally. Is there anything you need to document...etc.
Remember Karen...you need to pace yourself and take care of yourself. I'm in the home stretch right now, the affair is over betweeen wife and OM, but I didn't really care for myself as I should have, and I have little energy left for the relationship.
I am trying to be positive in every sense, not just as an act. I do feel like I have made a lot of positive changes in my life, which I think H has seen hopefully, though he tends to focus more on anything negative I do or even if anything negative happens blaming me, rather than on anytning positive which I am doing.
I would be sad if H moved out, but it would also be somewhat of a relief not to have a husband/dad who has a girlfriend/in love with OW. If he moves out though I think I will try to be as positive about it as I can be, and tell him I hope he will be happy, but he is always welcome to return if he is not, as that is how I feel right now. I am wondering if it might almost be good for him to live with or spend a lot more with OW and maybe he will see that I am a good woman/wife/mom with space/distance. If he returns, it would be if he ends that relationship I would think, and it would be better/healthier for me anyway, probably the whole family. So I am trying to look at the positives if H moves out. Karen43
I think there are some positives to H moving out (mine as well, he just won't leave!). You can stop walking on eggshells, schedule your own day, and have space to relax. Not seeing the raw details of the A every day will be nice too. Will it be hard? Oh yes.
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and tell him I hope he will be happy, but he is always welcome to return if he is not, as that is how I feel right now
I am no expert, but I would word this differently. Maybe say "Your happiness is important to me. I still want this marriage and think with hard work from both of us, it could work." That way you aren't giving him a 'free pass' to just come home.
