Nocode - wow, sounds like a reality check for your W, that's for sure.
Those murals sound absolutely wonderful!! Whatever happens I hope you take a lot of great pictures of them. Even if it's painful now.. I bet it's something that your kids would enjoy seeing when they get older, memories from when they were little.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I have been fretting the fate of my artwork since last summer, and I have long since resigned myself to the fact that once the house is sold, whether we paint over the walls first or not, it does not really matter. Neither I, my W nor my S's will likely ever see those images again in person. Even if we do not paint over the murals before we depart, we will still no longer have any control over what happens from that point forward. For all practical purposes they will be lost to us.
But if it would somehow mean the miraculous restoration of my M and my family I would sacrifice those walls and even burn the whole house down to the ground, in a heartbeat, if that's what it would take. Like I told my W, without my family intact, those walls are just covered with useless images that have lost their meaning. My W's betrayal has turned these paintings into a painful reminder of what once was. A bunch of paint on the wall is no consolation for the loss of my family.
I have lots of photos capturing these works somewhere, now in W's possession likely. I will have to make a point to shoot some more photos on my own some time before we finally say goodbye to them.
wow, the murals sound fantastic. I'd definitely make sure to take some more pics of it, just in case. I'd probably take it a step further and video the kids in front of them, talking about their favorite parts. it would be hard, knowing what might be coming, but I know it would be something to treasure for years to come.
I also agree with NOT painting them over until close, if things do go that route. but putting the offer there isn't a bad idea, if it comes down to it.
sad if it does. they sound incredible.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Here's something I thought I'd share with all of you. I am not one to put much stock into dreams, or at least not as a premonition of what is or will be. But in the last year I've had some doozies -- one I had last Spring was quite prophetic. That one involved me searching for my W and going into the home of another man who turned out to be an OM (not the OM in reality, but just some nebulous stranger). I remember the dream led to me confronting this arrogant OM in his kitchen about the whereabouts of my W -- to which this stranger told me she no longer wanted to see me and was now sharing his bed. I approached the guy to forcibly move him out of my way but he stood his ground and extended his extremely long arms out to me to keep me at a distance with the knuckles of his fists. Clearly having the reach on me, the guy defied me, smiling, and said there was nothing I could do but to leave. Now I am not a violent man, no more than any other average person, but curiously in this dream I whipped out a revolver and held it to this OM's temple. This unnerved the guy to back away from me and let me pass. After this point I don't quite recall what happened in the dream, as all I could remember was waking up crying uncontrollably. Eventually I went back to sleep relieved that it had just been a bad dream.
Later that day I told W some of the dream. I did not elaborate but told her it was a nightmare where she was unfaithful to me, that there was this other man and that I woke up crying and terribly shaken. (I mentioned nothing about the disturbingly violent action I took in the dream regarding a handgun.)
In retrospect, I now try to reflect on W's reaction to what I told her. Curiously, I don't recall that W said anything to me at all to assuage my apparent subconscious fears for her fidelity. I got no real sympathy from her as I recall, just the odd silence of W blowing it off as a mere dream. (Curiosity of late prods me to ask W what was really going through her mind when I shared with her how this dream upset me so.)
Last night I had another dream that startled me awake in tears. I had a dream that W came to me out of the blue and told me that she loved me. Upon hearing these words I in this dream broke down crying. W asked me why I was crying, and I told her it was because I had not heard those words from her lips in over a year.
At this point I awoke from the dream with tears in my eyes, sat straight up, and then realized it was only a dream. But this was the opposite of relief. This time I was so wracked with sorrow that my dream was not real that I re-began my tears and cried myself back to sleep. This is the second time I have cried so very hard since last week's solid confirmation of the PA.
Awww NoCode I am so sorry!! I hate those dreams, even when you think you've got it all under control during the day they can sneak up on you.
((NoCodeBlues))
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I can sympathize with you... oh I can... Ive had dreams where my H was with the Ow and was telling me he didn't love me blah,blah... and he actually had to wake me up because I was crying in my sleep. It happend twice..
I am sorry... I really am.
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
The curious thing to me is that the dream last Spring happened pre-bomb, by a couple of months. Other than that one dream, until the bomb I had no conscious fear that my W was anything but utterly faithful to me.
I now believe my subconscious knew there was something seriously wrong -- hence this dream. My darkening depression at the time was another serious indicator to which I was oblivious.
Yesterday's dream, by contrast, was merely bittersweet, but far better than reality. I could hope and pray that it too is a harbinger for what lies ahead, but I know how remote that possibility is.
I hate those dreams - the good and the bad - the let down feelings one gets from them really hurts. Even now I dream sometimes about H's A and can wake up crying. It is better to get these feelings out, even though they hurt - much healthier.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I guess we really do need to work through these feelings, or else they will show up where least expected, like our dreams.
Last weekend, after the recent confirmation of W's lies and treachery, I was angry but calm, in control, almost resigned. I held up well in front of my two little ones. But at one point as I was taking a shower I found myself crying uncontrollably all of a sudden -- like a little child. Not just a few tears, but a deep soul-wrenching cascade of grief, and my shower ended up being one of those long ordeals where I am water-logged at the end. I hadn't had a release like that since the weeks following the bomb.
I guess I find it easier at times to release my sorrow in the shower, where I tend not to be overheard. It just comes naturally to me in those times. Since the bomb, I have also taken a couple of long walks in the rain and did the same thing.
My W makes me out to be an emotional cripple, unfeeling and cold -- only capable of one emotion, anger. There was yet another instance recently where W would remark to me in our conversation that, "that's the most emotion I've seen from you in a long, long time." I can only roll my eyes.
It was always there -- she just never cared to look.
Anyone else pour out their hearts in the privacy of their shower?
At this point I awoke from the dream with tears in my eyes, sat straight up, and then realized it was only a dream. But this was the opposite of relief.
I can say with confidence that my "reconciliation" dreams are so much harder to have than any dream involving H and I fighting, divorcing, or even the kids living with this. Its the cold hard reality, waking up alone, knowing the real truth is that my actual life is the nightmare, and the dream was my escape. Very hard to get out of bed.
Nocode, you had a big shock with the actual confirmation and you were very focused on getting the truth. It takes awhile to sink in. H told me of his A on a Saturday and I didn't cry until Tuesday. Then it was like your shower incident. In fact, I had the girls with me, so I got IN the shower to hide my tears from them.
I can only offer you hugs, and I know, even if just from the Internet, that your wife has not only rewritten history, but has rewritten your heart, your soul. You are far from uncaring and cold, just the opposite. I hope you know this.
