We had some very nice cool professional people who had for one reason (or human weakness) or another, allowed things, events, circumstances, very poor judgment, people, and most of all their actions inflict the most horrendous pain and suffering on the person whom they have sworn to forsake all others for and to protect etc. (sound familiar...sounds like 99.9% of the posts here and everywhere on this topic) and then once they were confronted with the damage they had done ...took inventory of themselves and their actions and in some circumstances followed the DB type of playbook and then slowly put it all back together again. I was impressed with their insights and men (and women) if you ever wanted to let your spouse know the torture and pain and absolute terror and hurt they have inflicted upon you through acts of infidelity ...then take them to a weekend .... some of the tesifying by these people ...some even years after the fact was absolutely gut wrenching and you could see it on their face and you could hear it in their voice ...they cried (and blubbered some) and you felt their pain ...women who had cheated among us ...cried when they heard the black, empty, sleepless, gut wrenching, life altering, sense of total betrayal and shock that the man (or woman) feels when this happens and the descriptions of their pain was so extremely well presented it made your hair stand on end and gave you goose bumps. Even the most selfish evil person in the room would never knowlingly inflict that kind of horrible pain on another living soul ..those of you who have been there know what I am talking about ... then they hear how they went about the business of forgiving and healing and loving even stronger than before once again ...the love these people had for each other was fantastic and inspiring and very very courageous ... you sift through alot of stuff and these presentations really help you sort thru the mess that is your marriage quickly and positively and if you surrender what you think works and what you think your spouse will respond to or not and put down the masks that you wear for your spouse to see the real you who loves him or her and if the two of you don't walk out of that weekend changed and with a new outlook ...then your not human
Last edited by rogerrespondent; 02/18/0806:01 AM.
LOVE....TRUST....FORGIVENESS...ARE CHOICES AND VERBS ....NOT FEELINGS!
Yes, the weekend is transforming. It is moving to hear other people describe the feelings that you had, and it is confirming. And best of all, it saves you the trouble of having to convince your spouse that you really felt that way. They say it for you. And then when it is your turn to talk to your spouse, it is so much easier, because you can talk about yourself without accusing him of anything. So cathartic!
Hi Husband! Good to hear from you on your trip. Love the pictures of the Knight! what a great idea to take him!
i was here back in december when someone here recommended this weekend ...my last post at the end of december said "we are going to go to the next weekend scheduled for feb 15th" since that time I have just relaxed and been her friend and didn't call all the time ...or any of the other obsessive behavior we think we need to do in those types of moments...very hard to do ...but necessary.
LOVE....TRUST....FORGIVENESS...ARE CHOICES AND VERBS ....NOT FEELINGS!
You said that Retrouvaille isn't religious, is that true? My husband and I are both atheists. My husband is pretty adamant about staying away from religious things, though I'm more open to them because I just sift out what I want. Not, of course, that my husband is anywhere near doing something like this, but you never know if that will change. I also like your approach of doing it in order to have the divorce go more smoothly.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
That's a difficult question. Retrouvaille is sponsored by the Catholic Church, and a priest participates in the sessions. But the subject matter is marriage, and human relations, so the conversation centers on that. They are trying to save marriages here, not souls. However, I can't say that they never mention God, or Jesus. They do. They don't teach Catholic doctrine, or tell you to stay married because it is God's will. They talk about feelings and misunderstandings, and inability to communicate. They teach you to communicate openly and honestly with your spouse and to listen to him with your heart. If you can't sit in a room with a priest present, who sometimes has the floor, then you can look for a completely secular program for marriage healing. I believe the Imago workshops are completely secular. But, since they are not underwritten by the church, they are very expensive. My husband and I are not particularly religious, we were comfortable in the retrouvaille setting. And many of the couples in the room were Christian, and very much valued the priest's presence. I was glad that he was there for them.
