I could have written ALL the same things about my ex.
21 years of marriage, two wonderful boys, tons of trips and outings full of fun times, bumps in the road that we always made it thru, tight times financially that we weathered...
All along a commitment to NEVER divorce.
And then one day she decides that she didn't feel this way any more. Then there are men. Partying. A possible lesbian live-in. A "new life" with a guy that she had a crush on when she was 16, who turns out to be the one she should always have been with. What the heck...
She WAS a good woman.
But something was wrong inside.
And I added my share to our difficulties, but I also never wavered in my commitment to US.
So...
Que sera, sera...
And now?
Life is GOOD. And I am HAPPY. And the future is bright again.
Amazing the similarities.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Thanks for stopping by Bill. We never really will figure it all out. You can't make sense of something that is senseless in our worldview.
Still in a "I don't care" depression. Can't seem to think straight or get started.
But we got snow flurries this morning and it was a brisk 24 deg with a 14 deg wind chill. That, plus the first good night sleep I had in a while perked me up some.
But the funk continues as I ponder the larger questions in life:
Why does paint come in so many different colors?
Why does the color you pick on the little cardboard thingy look so different on the wall?
Why is carpet so warm on the feet but so hard to keep clean while the newer wood flooring is just the opposite? Why can I not have both?
Why is the furniture I like always in the wrong material, or the wrong color, or in the wrong style?
Questions to ponder. I start the house stuff next week. I have a few more stores to hit before I dive in.
Let me tell you that I will be joining you soon enough in these pursuits. Deb found out for sure yesterday that she will be keeping the house, so now the work can begin. We're talking wood flooring, roof work, carpeting, new walls, and plenty of painting.
Is it goofy that I'm looking forward to it?
Oh well.
Let me know if any of those answers come to you.
And thanks for the redirection on FIB's thread.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
But we got snow flurries this morning and it was a brisk 24 deg with a 14 deg wind chill. That, plus the first good night sleep I had in a while perked me up some.
You got snow right there in your yard and you're still all boogered up? You got your wish for snow!
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But the funk continues as I ponder the larger questions in life:
Why does paint come in so many different colors?
There's more than barn red? I thought the only choices were the size of the container.
Quote:
Why does the color you pick on the little cardboard thingy look so different on the wall?
Barn red goes well on carboard thingys and cardboard walls.
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Why is carpet so warm on the feet but so hard to keep clean while the newer wood flooring is just the opposite? Why can I not have both?
Go wood, they make slippers to keep your feet warm. Barn red wood and slippers.
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Why is the furniture I like always in the wrong material, or the wrong color, or in the wrong style?
Barn red? Thanks for stopping by and not saying anything dumb. But then do you ever?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Interesting exchange with Ex today. I would rather not talk to her on V-day but she called twice so far.
The first call was at 7:20. She says that S10 did not have his spelling list and he had a test today. Could I read her the words from the master list? I told her I did not have the list. She said S10 said he left it with me. I said he did not. She gets all mad like it was my fault or something. I listened and said I would look again to make sure son did not leave it at my place. She hangs up.
S10 has a spelling test every Thursday so why does she suddenly discover the list was missing? You study for the test the night before, not the morning of. And oh BTW the kids should have been at school by 7:20 so they were running late as well.
Welcome to being a single parent Ex.
She calls me at work a few hours later and apologized for her abruptness. She said she scolded S10 about the spelling. I listened. We discussed some stuff she had not yet picked up from my house.
Then she proceeds to tell me about some problems, how her phone line was cut when some workers were installing a fence at her new house and other problems she was having.
She told me she had two trips coming up and asked if I would consider giving her some additional time with the kids. She sounded emotional. Our child visitation schedule does not provide for make up time for travel but I said I would work with her.
I mentioned picking up the kids tonight and she snapped "I KNOW it is YOUR night". Then she says she needs to get D6's meds to me since this is my weekend with the kids starting tonight. D6 had a throat infection earlier this week. She said she did not want to put the meds in D6's bookbag b/c D6 would be "embarassed" at school. I asked Ex to drop it by daycare where I pick them up but she said that she may have to run it over to my apartment tonight. She was emotional again.
Then she asked about my move and her voice started to quiver. I asked if she was ok, that she sounded stressed. She said she was. I said to take care of herself. I could tell from her voice she was tearing up and so she ended the call.
I should ask why is Ex is so stressed? Why does she need extra time with the kids? Why would D6 be embarassed? Why is she crying on the phone to her xH?
The H she wanted to get rid of. The new house that was going to make everything perfect. How the children would do fine with the D instead of being embarassed by it. How the visitation schedule would be fine all around.
Why is she crying? Tears of joy b/c she has the divorce she wanted so much? The divorce to make life sweet?
You see Jeff, I read about your conversation with your ex today and honest to God, I actually felt a touch of sympathy for her. She had NO IDEA what she was pushing herself towards. It's the old "be careful what you ask for - you just might get it" deal.
Don't worry, I didn't get too carried away with the feeling sorry thing, just in case you were worried.
I don't hear from mine except to make arrangements for the boys, so I'll probably never know if she has moments like that. I'd like to think that they all have flashes of lucidity during which there is that brief moment where they wonder just what in the hell they have done, but who knows.
Single parenthood is tough. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. I appreciate that it sounds like you're doing well enough to be agreeable with her when it comes to the kids. I know for me, I'm not interested in drama anymore when it comes to the ex. She's the boy's Mom and she deserves to see them and spend time with them. More importantly THEY deserve to have a Mom in their life, even if she did find it necessary to move two states away from them.
Sigh. We never signed up for this, did we Jeff? But you know what? When all is said and done, when the years have passed and our kids have grown and begun families of their own, we will have found a good and full life, one that we can really enjoy this time because of all we've learned along the way. And our kids will NEVER forget that in the midst of a period of great turmoil in their lives, they had ONE parent who was stable, consistent, and put THEIR needs before our own. We will take great satisfaction in those days my friend.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
You see Jeff, I read about your conversation with your ex today and honest to God, I actually felt a touch of sympathy for her. She had NO IDEA what she was pushing herself towards. It's the old "be careful what you ask for - you just might get it" deal.
Don't worry, I didn't get too carried away with the feeling sorry thing, just in case you were worried.
Jeff,
It is very interesting... When I was going through the very hardest part of my D, I heard the song Home by Daugherty everywhere I went.... The following lines kept JUMPING out at me...
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Be careful what you wish for cause you just might get it all... You just might get it all and then some you don't want...
This is very true for our WASs.... They get what THEY want and later realize that is NOT what they really want...
I personally think she is dealing with regret over her actions...
Go with God,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/14/0810:51 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
You see Jeff, I read about your conversation with your ex today and honest to God, I actually felt a touch of sympathy for her. She had NO IDEA what she was pushing herself towards. It's the old "be careful what you ask for - you just might get it" deal.
Don't worry, I didn't get too carried away with the feeling sorry thing, just in case you were worried.
Thanks Bill and RMG. I needed that response. I too was feeling sorry for her and I again started to blame myself. Got to stop that.
She made the bed here. Her model of D is that the H basically quits the family after the D. That is not going to happen - she must get used to it. She needs to accept that she will not have the kids 100%, that she will have to keep the house going by herself, etc. Yea, the move was stressful but WTF, I did it - it was her turn.
I am suprised that she is so stressed still. After all it has been a 20 month separation. But now it is final and she is in a strange house - that must contribute. She does not want to be alone right now I guess, thus her wanting the kids close.
She came over last night to deliver the meds for D6. She looked bad - worse than I can remember. She stayed almost a half hour. Little talk, she just kind of hung on the kids and did not want to leave. I was feeling rather happy after a good work day and getting the kids so I was upbeat. I tried to get her to talk but she was in a funk. Not angry or anything, just stressed and sad. She reluctantly left.
It is all interesting. A good friend from this BB has been D'ed for a year now and his WAW Ex still is mad at him and treats him badly. And my Ex still does not seem detached enough not to be emotional, stressed and sad.
These folks get what they want: the D complete with the gold seal. They should be so happy, should they not?
