Were we married to the same woman? I too knew her for 15 years (dated - I knew her even longer b/c we worked for the same program) and we were married 12 when we divorced. I too NEVER had a EA/PA or abuse. She never mentioned MC and would not go when I recommended it after the bomb. I do have to admit that we discussed some issues but those issues were not grounds for D by any stretch and could have been worked.
She just wanted out. She quit.
I often wondered how she could sit in church week after week. One of her classic responses: she prayed on it and God said it was okay.
Thanks again for this exchange. We need to get our minds around this if were are to heal.
Were we married to the same woman? I too knew her for 15 years (dated - I knew her even longer b/c we worked for the same program) and we were married 12 when we divorced. I too NEVER had a EA/PA or abuse. She never mentioned MC and would not go when I recommended it after the bomb. I do have to admit that we discussed some issues but those issues were not grounds for D by any stretch and could have been worked.
She just wanted out. She quit.
I often wondered how she could sit in church week after week. One of her classic responses: she prayed on it and God said it was okay.
Thanks again for this exchange. We need to get our minds around this if were are to heal.
Jeff223,
The WAW and I had the following exchanges:
RMG: What would your parents say if they were standing here? WAW: I could CARE less! I am going to do what I WANT to do!
RMG's Note - Both were devout Bible believing Christians who passed away while we were married... Although he never had a church, her father was actually an ordained minister later in life....
RMG: What happened to your Christian beliefs? WAW: God will just have to deal with me!
As for your wife saying:
Quote:
she prayed on it and God said it was okay.
Is she a Christian? Does she know what the Bible reads about divorce? Can I divorce my wife if I just feel like it?
Here is the tricky question. I would love to ask the WAWs flat out.... We are going to look into the future..... Fifteen years from now, you are remarried... You have been happily married for twelve years.... One day, your husband comes home and tells you it is over.... He files for divorce.... Would you be angry or upset? Would you feel he has a right to do it? According to WAW's rules, he can do whatever he wants and leave whenever he wants.... If the hot new secretary looks interesting.... He can blaze off.....
I challenged my wacky WAW to pick ANY Bible believing church - Assembly of God, Baptist, Evangelical Free or whatever and we we go talk to the pastor to see if he thought she had a right to walk away... She never had the balls... She KNEW she would not find anyone who would agree with her...
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/07/0806:51 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
We need to get our minds around this if were are to heal.
Jeff223,
The thing I have to come to grips with is my WAW made her decision.... Showed her true colors....
The comforting thing is God has provided a new life for me with a woman who has a heart of gold and has been the one left twice before... She gets it..... My new wife knows how to communicate her wants and needs.... I sleep well at night with my new wife... I have a clear conscience knowing I did all I could with the WAW sitch...
My WAW lives in a box of a Brady Bunch 70's house near her work... In a neighborhood surrounded by things she said hated like RV trailers parked in the driveways... Most of the time, I know her pride is alive and well telling her she did the right thing.....
Yet, I would bet at times she is tormented by questions of what it could have been like........ What if she had stayed? Would our relationship improve that much? Did he really love me THAT much? What would the house have looked like if we had remodeled it as he did with his new wife? Could I really have been happy with him? Questions like those she will NEVER be able to put to rest......... I had to deal with intense pain. She will live with the regret.............
Take Care,
RMG
Last edited by RMG; 02/07/0808:15 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
I just want to say that one thing needs commenting...the grass is greener thing. The difference, I believe, is that the person who is RUNNING is different from the LBS. The grass probably IS greener for the LBS since ..or should I say seems greener....after leaving the destructive M or being left behind.
RMG...I am thankful that you have posted here on Jeff's thread. Jeff and I talk frequently, and, like you, we believe that NO ONE should abandon a marriage at the outset. However, there comes a time when must move on. Like your posts above, I....we....tried so hard to save our M's...DB'd...etc. One just can't do this alone. I feel like I am in the minority here....having come to save my M and then being the filer. I swore I would never destroy my M....it's just that my W was much better at doing that.
frank_d said to me once 'you'll be OK'. Seems you already are. Blessings. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
I am also amazed how the MLC-WAW's say and do so many similar things. Although not divorced (for now I have decided to let her take it from here and file if she wants out), I can empathize with many of the comments on this thread. Thanks to everyone for posting.
Me: 48 Ex-W: 45 M: Nov '96, together since Oct 93 Bomb: on 10-yr anni - Nov '06 OM Separated: mid-Feb '07 Divorced mid-July '08 One daughter - 28 XW living w/OM
I just want to say that one thing needs commenting...the grass is greener thing. The difference, I believe, is that the person who is RUNNING is different from the LBS. The grass probably IS greener for the LBS since ..or should I say seems greener....after leaving the destructive M or being left behind.
FIB
FIB,
For me, the grass was really greener. Looking back lucidly at what I had with WAW, what type of woman she was, how she treated my son, how she treated my family and a variety of other things life is so much better now.... I need to start my own thread on all of this some day....
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Well, seems I was kicked off the board for a while.
Am I THAT BAD
Guess it was an IT problem or something - a quick note to the moderator seems to have solved the problem.
Been in a depression lately. Not the "pity party" depression but the "I don't give a crap" depression.
I guess it was going to Home Depot to look for paint and stuff for the house. I also hit several furniture stores. I did get some great ideas but I also saw family after family working together - "should we go with this blue paint or that one", "that bedroom set will go well in our house', etc.
Happy families out together building their lives together. That is what life really is all about - picking paint, not picking up women.
Where the hell was my family? Gone. Tossed to the curb with yesterday's trash.
I guess the other thing that has me blue is my house. Not just how much work is needed to fix it but how "empty" it is. I am really starting to feel the "empty". It is painful to go over there even to take measurements and such.
So I am just numb and sad. And my motivation to get started on the move is in the toilet.
This too shall pass. Now to roll up my sleeves. I have to move out of my appartment by 1 April - not much time. Need to at least get the bedrooms in shape. When I demolish the kitchen I will just do takeout more or use the microwave.
I'm sorry for your feelings about your house. It should be a source of joy and happiness and maybe it will be again, but it's the journey you have to take to get there - well, it just sucks.
It is hard to go out and see the couples holding hands, picking out groceries together, stopping together to look at something, all together stuff. I thought I had gotten used to it but it's really been eating me up again.
If you need help the end of March I'll be in AL already with 4 other ladies and I'll have my big trailer along. We'll get you moved in no time! We'll need some of those fancy meals you cook, and apple pie!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
